Cricket poetry competition - submit your own!

I submit this ode in spite of some difficulty with the rhyme on the last line: "The S-Stuttering S-Statistician" In days of yore, according to lore, Cricket was a g-game of st-statistics. Addition and subtraction covered most of the action, With averages covered by d-divisionistics. But the m-maths has been p-padded, And new f-functions added, For bowlers who seem to lack s-symmetry. Umpires need to ch-check angles, To avoid getting entangled, Using some arcane techniques like g-geometry. A directive was s-sent, That n-no arm is unbent, Therefore no b-bowlers are branded as ch-chuckers. You can m-measure d-degrees, With the s-simplest of ease -- I think some b-bowlers are l-lucky f-fellows.

So now we reckon we have the worlds greatest list of genuine fast bowlers.The problem seems to be, at any given time ,most seem to be on the operating table or recuperating, returning to the game, only to be struck down in their opening spell, go for scans to reveal stress fractures. The fans are the ones fracturing from stress, reckoning "if it ain't broke, don't fix it," stress is not broken ! Pectoral tenderness around the rotator cuff ,busted bummus ,the big words fro medical volumes, confusing us more. All we need to know is ,so and so is crook again, what again ! This mob would be refused membership if they had a cricketers NRMA ,I'm beginning to think elite is another word for fragile and 20/20 their life span, in minutes. Could be most of them only "noddingly" know each other, in passing through hospital doors. We need more "Clydesdales" not show ponies. More fast bowlers than anyone else is like having a team lamborghinis locked in the garage with flat batteries.

A voice in the crowd, gave Jardine hell, when he attacked our flies the crowd on the hill , incensed , "Kill Larwood" , were the cries Years passed, heroes came and went, flannelled fools would carry on some would go down in memory, for others, their deeds long gone The cheering could be heard for miles ,when on came a normal bloke making his way to the wicket, still blowin' away , the "gaspers" smoke Enter the "Dungog Dasher",affiicionado of smokes, beer and Euchre and a wielder of the willow, so down to earth ,but no batting "palooka. Some things just don't matter , when you grow up ,loving the game, a game many don't understand , yet in others ignites, a rabid flame everyone has a favourite player , Dougie Walters happens to be mine To most others Bradman was the man, Sachin Tendulkar, was divine Viv Richards was an untamed animal, Brian Lara was grace afloat, Lillee was better than Trueman or Holding ,whatever floats your boat Warne could bamboozle the best, Muralidharan was real hard to pick Some fieldsmen plucked "em from the air, for others nothin' would stick. That's what cricket is about mate, a real challenger for simply the best how many would sit for five days on end and be happy to draw a test. Over the years blood, has been spilt , with many quite spiteful clashes don't try to explain to anyone, it's all worth it , for a small pile of ashes.

l(a ba ll sp in s) ove l iness (with apologies to e.e. cummings)

+2

Cheers mate!

Thanks Mark, I thought the Scott Muller verse was pretty good too, even if I do say so myself.

Haha, mate- you should read the comp rules- it's not up to me to choose. Although your "please" did lend me to reconsider this. For the record, my vote went to Andy_roo, but the final winner is the one with the most votes. . . .Love the efforts so far though guys- has given me a laugh. Hope you've enjoyed the different nature of this article. I've always thought this Roar website could do with a forum to share this type of thing, or quick thoughts, rather than the writing of an entire article. There's so much cricket knowledge on here.

+1 I'll have to go with you there Andy_roo- a great effort, encapsulating Warney. Particularly like the pathetic/diuretic rhyming. That's got my vote :)

So mark whos the winner mate? *fingers crossed*jesus please(i even wrote 'please' instead of 'plz') let it be me!

1 Hahahaha mate surely youve won this one with hilarious poem! "A POM HAS WON A POM(AMERICAN PRONOUNCIATION)CONTEST!"no surprises there mate!

OMG...surely ATGM can't win this... ;) Starc steams in, a wicket beckons? “I’ll pitch it short”, or so he reckons, Pollard ducks and swats and sways, Mitch gives verbals anyways, Kieron shoos him with his glove, Between these players there is no love. Starc steams in with renewed vim, But Pollard backs away from him, Mitch is mad and slings it leg side? Kieron incensed, has mad eyes wide, A thrown bat and a crossed line, Both cricketers receive a fine.

There once was a man named Warne. Who liked his fair share of porn. He's been through a few And Liz Hurley too. A greater bowler there never was born He bowls and he throws And Scott Muller blows. Microphones and cameras too Have captured his sins But he has a thick skin His legend, it grows and it grows He gave up the smokes Oh boy what a joke A Kiwi lad did think He took a quick snap Our hero snapped back A new camera for that young Kiwi bloke He loved all the money even if it was funny John was a good friend to have The info was sought For a gambling rort The trap was laid with honey With his shoulder pathetic He claimed diuretic Suspension he tried to avoid A steroid was thought yet another rort For a year he was ejected Despite all that is rude We still love this dude The wickets we cannot deny A bust at the 'G' Is a must to see His legend, it will never die

We win the toss and bat But I know they're gonna ruin us It's Wasim Akram  and Waqar Younis! The first ball's a jaffa The second ball's a corker The third ball traps the opener With an inswinging yorker Wickets keep on tumbling But I don’t give two hoots I would gladly swap some runs For a pair of steel-capped boots

The great and the small The bat and the ball The wickets will fall That's all The mice and the men Who try to reach ten Throw Faf in the mix It changes the pix That's all The Ashers and bashers The sledgers and chirpers The Boofs and the Woofs It's all just a spoof

Our george!our george! He scores hundreds and fifties loves taylor swift ditties Hes a captain cool and cook is a f###ing tool!

Ashes anthem 2 You’ve gotta burn the sun to earn the urn nd its our turn Hey pommies! All these twists and turns we shall overcome and we gonna beat your bum hey pommies!

Stuart broad!Stuart broad! why wont you walk why wont you walk Go to a doc who'll give you an electric shock I wanna win this so bad hope all the roarers have f###ing writer's block!

ashes victory anthem we've done it again we've won it again we've won one thing that actually means something The poms are moaning again the pain is chronic again We've shown'em again that we are better at it than brits! The ashes is back,flower gets a sack and as far as as cook goes,'cut him some slack'

There once was a Saffer called Faf Who batted and batted enough To cause quite a stir Clarke's eyes were a blur And Johnson thought let's call his bluff