If political leaders picked the Socceroos squad

The Australian football public is bewildered and need a leader, similar to Russia at the turn of the 20th century.

While many arm chair critics will begrudgingly trot out the party line ‘Postecoglou is the best man for the job’, they know full well it is the prolific Twitterer and Roarer who should have chosen the Socceroos.

Growing up in the Melbourne suburbs, Postecoglou is a Labor man, while his relatives knew full well it is the Liberals who were the real best friend of small business. However young Ange found hope in Labor and he unabatedly followed them through thick and thinly veiled attempts to move to the right.

However in 2010, Ange jumped ship, voting Green for the first time. While it’s not public knowledge, it was plain to see – cutting Lucas Neill, Luke Wilkshire, Carl Valeri out of the Socceroos. It’s obvious his squad is inexperienced, or ‘green’.

Now with so much knowledge readily available to anyone with the internet, and the added bonus that nostalgia is what it used to be, Australians have looked to past leaders to pick a reasonable World Cup squad.

Tony Abbott
The first ComCar off the rank, the PM announced he would cut all 23 players named in the previous squad.

While he acknowledges he is not a “soccer-head” he still believes he’s the best man for the job. With a wink to the Catholic Church, he has named George Pell as captain, while outsourcing the rest of the squad replacements to the Institute of Public Affairs.

Tony Abbott will look to play a defensive approach, while constantly talking down the squad’s chances.

Karl Marx
Popped in to outline his squad.

Tommy Oar would replace Mile Jedinak as captain, while Harry Kewell, David Carney, Aziz Behich and Craig Goodwin would also be included. How Marx intends to actually play the game wasn’t entirely clear, however it is clear he will play a new 4-0-6 formation, which involves organised and meticulous planning from the back, followed by bombs forward for the six attackers to run onto.

Che Guevara
Went for a measured approach, however the base of his squad are unknown youngsters. Aware of the full force that awaits in Brazil, he has planned a very patient counter-attacking game.

Of Australia competing in the group of death, Guevara replied poetically, “Whenever death may surprise us, let it be welcome, if our battle cry has reached even one receptive ear and another hand reaches out to take up our arms.”

Kevin Rudd
Coming forward, seemingly out of nowhere, Rudd announced his squad, however the metaphors and quotes fell on deaf ears. Announcing big ideas, he was swiftly cut down by FIFA when they reminded him there was a 23-player limit.

His most surprising announcement was that all of the assistant coaches have left his setup, citing him as a narcissistic control freak.

George Brandis
Refused to name a squad, calling it an exorbitant waste of tax payers’ money. The media didn’t report on Christine Milne’s press conference.

Bill Shorten
Unavailable for comment.