When it comes to food, there are times when the call of the buffet, with its all-you-can-eat prawns and multiple choice desserts, is simply too great.
For an Australian sports fan, this is the appeal of the Commonwealth Games.
Where the Olympics serves up precious morsels of victory, the Commonwealth Games is a veritable smorgasbord for athletes with an Aussie passport.
Sure, the decor may not be as classy. One look at Scotland’s uniforms will tell you that. Or our own, for that matter. And it may not get the same reviews as more classy establishments.
But in this particular restaurant, we’re the biggest customer. We get the best seat in the house, we eat well and we can keep going back for more. Eventually we leave, bloated and content.
And what the Commonwealth Games lacks in status, it makes up for with its family-friendly atmosphere. There is not the angst and pressure that comes with the three-hatted Olympics. If the missile fails to fire in Glasgow, it won’t be anywhere near as bruising as it was in London. Not that there’s any chance of that. Not in this pool.
It’s also a cheese lover’s paradise. On what other international stage would you see a ballet performed to The Proclaimers’ 500 Miles?
Now, there are those who say this eatery should be shut down, that with its quaint outdated foundations in the British Empire it has lost its relevance and no longer attracts the celebrity set.
But the Commonwealth Games is entirely relevant, particularly as a forum for Aussies to beat Poms. It is an expression of that most celebrated of rivalries between our two countries. And that is a tradition most definitely worth preserving.
England competes as England at the Commonwealth Games, not as four nations brought together under the banner of Great Britain in some medal-enhancing trickery as it does for the Olympics.
And we routinely trounce them.
Australia has topped the medal tally in 12 out of 19 Commonwealth Games, including the last six. England has inexplicably taken the spoils six times.
In Delhi, we came away with 178 medals, 74 of them gold (see what I mean about the smorgasbord?), streets ahead of England’s 142 medals, of which just 37 were gold.
Of course, there is a small concern that England may draw some kind of home soil advantage in Glasgow, even with the Scots about to vote in a referendum on moving out of their United Kingdom home and getting a bachelor pad.
But recent sporting events have conspired nicely against them. Andy Murray bundled out of Wimbledon in the quarter finals, Chris Froome and Mark Cavendish crashed out of the Tour de France and English cricket is in total despair after a Test loss to India and the Ashes debacle still fresh in their minds.
So Team England comes to the Commonwealth Games with its confidence shot and and a mindset for defeat. A dish we in Australia will be more than happy to serve them.
Down Under, we’ve got the napkins tucked into our shirts and our knives and forks at the ready. Australia, your dinner is served.
Matthew Skellett
Guest
Cyprus is just 3 steps away from NZ on da Medal Tally ;-)
nickoldschool
Roar Guru
So true, driving me mad. Recording all night sessions and watching in the morning. Doesnt take long to view what happened overnight. no way am staying up to see former swimmers chat on a sofa or by the pool. 12 hours of coverage, roughly a couple of hours of live sport. Hope they dont butcher the athletics.
Da Spoon
Guest
Better late than never. Darts should be an olympic sport.
Da Spoon
Guest
I mean can't remember
Da Spoon
Guest
But it's not until next year. Will you win on Englisg soil? Many can remember when that last happened.
Glenn Innes
Guest
Actually the track meeting at the com games is pretty damn strong you have the Carribean nations, England,Canada and the Kenyans there... it is a pretty strong meet. The field is very weak and the pool is just glorified Australian titles but the track is of a high standard and when that starts I will get a bit interested.
pat malone
Guest
you mean sports like darts and snooker? congrats you have started performing at the olympics after 25 years of failure
Statler and Waldorf
Roar Guru
It would be nice in ten showed us some sport instead of people talking about sport
Da Spoon
Guest
The Aussie Greenedge Cycling Team coach is still stuck under the finishing line of last years stage one of the Tour de France!
Bill
Guest
Exactly Johnno. Get rid of them.
Bill
Guest
Well said.
Johnno
Guest
The most low key com games ever. Delhi I watched more events, I didn't watch 1 event of day 1 yesterday in competition. I may not even bother watch sevens rugby even. The ratings are gonna be so low. Haven't heard 1 person, with the word on the street talk, "hay the com games are on", or "Im going home to watch the com games" .The com games are now totally out of the public concious, like a few die hard state cricket fans. For example KL 98 com games, there was plenty of interest, or even Victoria 94 in Canada. Auckland 1990 I remember there was plenty of hype and interest, and Hayley Lewis became a household name. If any aussie grabs 3-5 golds in the pool, don't think any one will care. The com games are going the way of the goodwill games, to the rubbish bin.
ChrisT
Guest
And the televised, prime time, hour long 'night of night' specials? Ticker tape parades not only after the event but sometimes even before?? I never knew the world was full of so many 'heroes' until I watched the news here or went past the first four pages of a, err, newspaper ... Get out of the glasshouse before you lob rocks my friend
ChrisT
Guest
Agh, thud ......got me .....
ChrisT
Guest
Yep. Would be nice if they could then keep so many foreign coaches of Australian sports out of a job ....
JAJI
Guest
Just back from Brazil. This is rather small potatoes in comparison. No Europe. No Americas. A lot of Asia missing. An empire that doesn't exist anymore. Australians travel a lot these days and know these Games are a farce
Rich_uk
Guest
Ah, pommy pomposity, how refreshing. And poms were pretty quick to claim Scottish tennis hero Andy Murray’s wimbledon win, it has to be said. Still over 70 years since a pom has won! Apart from a few tabloid newspapaers i don't know of anyone claiming Murray as one of us!! I'm sure we'll sleep at night not having won at Wimbledon though. It would be great but nothing to worry too much about
kazblah
Roar Guru
You got me, Rich_uk. We're so desperately insecure here in paradise. Enjoy the cricket.
kazblah
Roar Guru
Just let us know when you've finished with our Aussie coaches.
deanp
Guest
Satire is wasted on these angry little pommy men!