Judge Judy rules on Sally Pearson stoush

Eric Hollingworth has been sent home with his postition as head coach for Athletics Australia in jeopardy. Meanwhile, Sally Pearson has won another gold medal.

So what would everyone’s favourite judge make of the situation?

Judge Judy: Mr Hollingsworth, what do you do as head coach for Athletics Australia?

Eric Hollingsworth: Well, I provide support to athletes and coaches as they prepare for domestic and international competition.

Judge Judy: (Frowning over her glasses) Support?

Hollingsworth: That’s right.

Judge Judy: And how would you describe your support for Sally Pearson?

Hollingsworth: Well, lately I’ve had to communicate with Sally through a discrete third party.

Judge Judy: The media.

Hollingsworth: It’s the best way to get my message across to her.

Judge Judy: That message being that she – let me just read from your statement – “sets a bad example to the entire national team”.

Hollingsworth: Yes.

Judge Judy: Wow, the entire national team. She must have done something really terrible for you to say that. What was it? Did she go on a Stilnox binge and wake up all her teammates?

Hollingsworth: Um…

Judge Judy: Um is not an answer. Did she pose in a picture with firearms?

Hollingsworth: No, your Honour.

Judge Judy: Did she assault a teammate? Get drunk and trash a few shopfronts? Publicly attack team officials?

Hollingsworth: No, no, nothing like that.

Judge Judy: Well she must have done something to get your head all full of steam.

Hollingsworth: She ran in a race.

Judge Judy: The nerve of her.

Hollingsworth: I know!

Judge Judy: I ought to throw the book at her.

Hollingsworth: Would you?

Judge Judy: (Theatrical sigh) Of all the courtrooms in all the towns in all the world…

Hollingsworth: Gin joints, your Honour.

Judge Judy: I beg your pardon?

Hollingsworth: In the movie, the line is ‘Of all the gin joi…’

Judge Judy: … Don’t talk to me about Casablanca, sir. I can recite it in my sleep. Every line of it. All you need to know is that on your best day, you’re not as smart as I am on my worst. Let me show you just how smart I am. Sally Pearson’s an athlete, right?

Hollingsworth: A hurdler, yes.

Judge Judy: So isn’t it her job to (pulls a face) run in a race every now and then?

Hollingsworth: I can see why you’d think that. But she was supposed to be at a team training camp.

Judge Judy: Why?

Hollingsworth: To help build team morale.

Judge Judy: Another of your areas of expertise, I assume?

Hollingsworth: I think I know how to unite a team, yes.

Judge Judy: You sure do, Mr Hollingsworth. Right now they’re all united in thinking you’re an idiot.

Hollingsworth: (looking around the courtroom) If I can make an observation, your Honour, I notice Ms Pearson hasn’t even bothered to turn up to resolve this matter.

Judge Judy: She’s running a race, Mr Hollingsworth. Setting a bad example again.

Hollingsworth: Oh, that’s right. The hurdles heats.

Judge Judy: She ran 12:69.

Hollingsworth: Good time.

Judge Judy: Must have been great for team morale.

(Hollingsworth looks confused)

Judge Judy: I’ve heard enough of this crock of baloney. I’m ready to make my ruling. I sentence you to the ridicule of the Australian public for a period of their determination.

Hollingsworth: That’s harsh, your Honour. I’m appealing.

Judge Judy: No you’re not, Mr Hollingsworth. Take it from me, you’re not remotely appealing.