“Now look, I don’t condone violence against women…” When someone says those words, it’s a good idea to brace yourself for some idiocy to follow.
Because all too often, they don’t stop there. There’s a pause, then a ‘but’, then the insertion of a size 12 foot in an equally large gob.
There has been a lot of foot-in-mouth disease following the assault by American football star Ray Rice on his then-fiancee, now wife, Janay Palmer Rice, in February.
It started with Rice’s own lawyer describing what unfolded in that Atlantic City casino elevator as a “minor physical altercation”. If you haven’t seen it, this is what a minor physical altercation looks like.
When Ozzie Newsome, general manager of Rice’s club, the Baltimore Ravens, saw this footage, he said, “It doesn’t look good.”
Bloody terrible is how it looks, Ozzie.
Several months later, when Rice spoke publicly about the assault, Janay seated next to him, he spoke in the euphemisms of denial about “the situation” and “what happened”, as though he’d been a spectator.
In a colossally poor choice of words, he added, “Failure is not gettin’ knocked down, it’s not gettin’ up.”
Does that include when you’ve been knocked unconscious by the person you love, Ray?
The verbal diarrhoea has escalated in the wake of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell suspending Rice for two games and keeping a straight face while claiming, “We have a very firm policy that domestic violence is not acceptable in the NFL.”
Explaining his decision, Goodell said, “I think it’s important to understand that this is a young man who made a terrible mistake.”
Roger, here are some terrible mistakes. Putting haemorrhoid cream on your toothbrush. Drunk dialling. Locking yourself out of the house wearing only a dressing gown. What Ray Rice did, well there are much better words than ‘mistake’. Like ‘violation’ and ‘criminal act’.
ESPN sports personality Stephen Smith weighed in, helpfully cautioning women, “Don’t do anything to provoke wrong actions.” He bought himself a week on the bench. He was perhaps spared a stiffer penalty by the fact it’s almost impossible to fathom what the hell he was saying.
Rice himself had another crack at a public apology last week. “I made the biggest mistake of my life,” he said.
Ray, have a read of what I said to Rog. And you may want to rethink the bit where you said, “It hurts because I can’t go out there and play football.” Right now, you should be grateful you haven’t been decked out in prison orange.
Some observers have latched on to Janay’s refusal to press charges and her plea for leniency towards her husband. Latin Post‘s Damon Salvadore argued, “If Janay isn’t bothered by what took place, then why should anybody else?”
Damon, seriously, go and sit on the spiky end of a toilet brush.
John Jackson from ChicagoNow criticised the outraged masses, including “media members who should know better than to look at things in strictly black-and-white terms”. What about black-and-blue terms, John?
And finally, there are those who argue that violence off the field is, for some, an inevitable by-product of contact sport.
“The very thing that makes the NFL appealing has characteristics that some players are unable to leave in the locker when the game is over,” says Bob Taylor of Communities Digital News.
And we wonder why women often blame themselves when they’re assaulted by a partner.
If you’re looking for something to say on domestic violence, try this, “I don’t condone violence against women. Full stop.”
No pause, no buts, no qualifiers, no weasel words.
Or you can go with ESPN’s Keith Olbermann’s approach. Just about the best five minutes of television I’ve seen. Ever.
MD
Guest
The feminist activists are providing services to the hundreds of thousands of women and children that men beat and rape every year and fighting in Congress so that the underfunded and oversubscribed services aren't further cut. They are also attempting to train the police who don't bother to investigate domestic violence crimes even when there is video evidence or don't answer the call until hours later, if at all. hey are also trying to get prosecutors to use evidence such as videotapes and interviews with witnesses to prosecute domestic violence crimes like they do other crimes regardless of whether the victim will testify. The feminist activists are also providing legal support when wife beaters file for sole custody of kids they never did the child care for to punish her for leaving them. They are also trying to get the family courts to consider domestic violence at all in child custody determinations so that battered women aren't forced into 50/50 custody with men who have tried to kill them and beat them in front of their kids. Also the feminist activists are fighting to get women equal pay so they can support their families and leave abusers like this. And the feminist activists are attempting to preserve the scraps of women's rights to birth control and abortion so that abusers can't impregnate partners to make them more vulnerable. The feminist activists are also talking about this case and all of the other acts of violence against women that happened today and this week all over the internet. But perhaps you didn't know that because you don't read those media. Her family is probably minimizing, victim blaming, and misdirecting responsibility to the woman who was the target of an attempted murder and twisting themselves into knots to avoid discussing the violent man's responsibility for his actions, institutional refusal to take men's violence against women they know seriously, just like the commenters here and all the other sports fans and ordinary Americans who remain silent about men's violence against women every day are. Where are all of the men who claim THEY would never lay a hand on a girl or lady (they don't often call them women) but never speak out against other men's violence against women? Why are these men who think of themselves as good guys so quick to explain why police shouldn't intervene, what the woman did wrong and so slow to ask what can I do to make sure no woman is in a position where she is entrapped with an abuser due to attempted murder or financial dependency? Where are those men?
Curt Randall
Guest
Why does it matter if the victim is a woman or not? While I don't condone violence against women in the sense that I personally believe in old fashioned chivalrous values, and I personally happen to consider it worse to hit a woman than a man, I also don't consider so-called "violence against women" to be part of some supposed larger social ill of "female victimhood." The perpetuation of the idea that various socio-demographic groups are somehow constant victims of an "unfair society," with selective "facts" cherry picked to back up the idea, only serves the agenda of various politically correct pressure groups.
mushi
Guest
But put yourself in the shoes of the victim. They come out say X has happened player get kicked out of the sport. Most of these guys are not the most financially conservative people on the planet so all of a sudden you've got masses of debt, no income and no savings. So basically your broke and completely removed from your current life. So in punishing the perpetrator you've ensured irreparably harmed the victim and their children. So now ask yourself if you are the victim do you come forward knowing that your kids will lose everything?
HarryT
Guest
The problem with domestic violence is that the assaulted party often doesn't press charges. This happens more often with highly paid sports people, because as you say mushi, the income and endorsements stop when these bastards are treated appropriately by the law. And then it puts their sport's governing body in an impossible position when the battered wife says she walked into a door. Truth is, it is such an abhorrent act, that everyone just wants to pretend it didn't happen. Where are this woman's family, where are the feminist activists? I always wonder.
kazblah
Roar Guru
No, it's a tricky one. But part of me thinks the financial implications shouldn't really be a consideration. It'd just be nice to see a proper penalty handed down. That would make one hell of a statement!
mushi
Guest
I don’t know the solution though. Are you trying to do (or be seen to do cause let’s face it NFL has the moral compass of Mr Ripley) the absolute best by the victim or by society
kazblah
Roar Guru
That's a good point, mushi. I hadn't thought of that.
mushi
Guest
One issue that is tough to extricate from the equation is that if you do appropriately punish him then, outside of Tom Brady, you probably also level a significant financial penalty against the wife. Not sure how you can get around that though?