Like many other boys, I had a large James Hird poster on my wall as a child. On the back of my door was an equally large Matthew Lloyd poster.
Come every weekend, regardless of our win loss record or form, I knew that we were a chance to win the game because Lloydy could kick a bag after Hirdy would feed him lace out after several spectacular acts of heroism.
So the news that James would be returning to Essendon to coach was understandably met with a great deal of joy and anticipation. As a man that idolised James as a child, to have him return to lead our beloved team to what would hopefully be a 17th flag was tremendously exciting.
So what is it like to be an Essendon supporter and watch the turmoil of the anti-doping saga every day on the tabloids?
To have your childhood hero accused of neglecting the players, who put their faith in him? We would have to go to the beginning of the saga. February 5, 2013 saw me glued to my screen watching a web stream of the press conference that has been replayed countless time – now etched into our memories.
The release of the Australian Crime Commission findings that followed was not my blackest day in sport. Watching my hero close to tears alongside CEO Ian Robson and President David Evans was my blackest day in sport. It was hard to tell how long the investigation that would ensue would take and the flow on effect.
The early days of the investigation were filled with speculation and conflicting reports. Despite this, the team came out firing, toppling Adelaide in the season opener, following up with an extremely one-sided affair against Melbourne.
It was at this point that it was suggested by then AFL CEO Andrew Demetriou that Hird should consider standing down while the investigation continues. In what could have been James’ first public act of defiance against the AFL, he assured the public that he will not stand down.
What followed was what Essendon fans like me consider a turning point in the season. After a hard-fought, close win over Fremantle away, James was greeted with enormous smiles and embracing hugs from the players.
He was then dragged into the circle for a rendition of the team song worthy to be sung at the end of the grand final and drenched in Gatorade – as tradition dictates.
Nothing could wipe the smile off my face that night. The win against the odds and celebration afterwards cemented what Essendon fans suspected. The players were behind James Hird until the very end. And so was I.
One of the biggest tests we faced as supporters of the Essendon Football Club came on June 24th when Captain Jobe Watson told national TV that he was given the contentious substance AOD-9604.
The status of AOD was at the time unknown and under the ASADA code, any banned substance, even if thought to be legal would result in bans and potentially force Jobe to return his Brownlow from 2012.
Memories of the joy and elation when Jobe became the first Essendon player since James Hird to win the Brownlow and the admiration for the whole Watson family who have become a role model family and a true Aussie success story came to mind.
The thought that all of Jobe’s efforts could be undone, his reputation tarnished and the embarrassment of being stripped of the coveted award was very distressing and you sympathised even more with Jobe as you knew it wasn’t in his character to cheat.
This led to the infamous West Coast game where the stadium was rocked with the loud jeers of the crowd, the final siren sounded out a close Essendon victory and the team and staff rushed to support Jobe who was overwhelmed with tears.
After the 2013 season was derailed, August brought what we thought might be the defining event in the already six month long saga.
In a stand-off between the club, James and Dr. Bruce Reid and the AFL the parties met at AFL House for a tense two-day negotiation. James and Dr. Reid had earlier filed court action against the AFL.
The result was what Essendon supporters had feared. On top of the financial penalties and lost draft picks, Essendon was booted from the finals and our coach banned for 12 months.
Despite the AFL and the club making it clear the penalties related only to lack of governance and there was no evidence of the use of banned substances, there was a pang of disappointment and impression of having lost or giving up.
This was very hard to comprehend as the club and supporters were proud of the clubs “never say die” approach. Our only victory came from an unlikely source in Dr. Reid who had his charges dropped in return for dropping his own legal action.
Despite the disappointment, at least it was over. Essendon was free to move on and so were the fans. Or so we thought.
After the show cause notices were issued to 34 past and current players the club was back into battle mode launching action to the Federal Court to dispute the legality of the ASADA and AFL investigation into the clubs 2012 supplements program.
Despite the ruling going against Essendon and its coach, his time in the witness box was probably James’ only chance to speak his mind about the saga. Following it closely, you gained an insight into why James was so determined to fight ASADA irrespective of the financial cost or damage to his reputation.
The very actions that had the wider public label James as selfish and egotistical were the actions that to the supporters made him a bigger hero. James believed the club had been wronged, the players had been wronged and the fans of the sport had been wronged. We saw James in a completely opposite light to the wider public.
At the crux of the saga late March 2015, the AFL appointed Anti-Doping Tribunal handed down its findings. Leading up, the cynical view suggests that the result is a predetermined outcome, but truth be told it felt like the tribunal was the only part of the process that wasn’t riddled with leaks.
Rumours ran rampant and even the most confident of supporters had a slight rise in heart rate at the mention of sanctions no matter how small it is rumoured to be.
As a fan, we obviously hoped for the verdict to vindicate the players and the wider club. However, irrespective of the outcome, difference of opinion and rumours, the sporting world could agree on one thing. We all wanted this saga to end.
2pm Tuesday the 31st of March was a moment of relief and reflection. The 34 players accused of taking Thymosin Beta-4 had been cleared and were free to play.
The supporters factions that had formed on social media breathed a large sigh of relief. Take a moment to consider the 34 players who would presumably feel like they had just won the grand final, not only told they could play Round 1.
The relief for these players would have no doubt brought some, and their loved ones to tears.
Now the club, players and fans can look forward to rebuilding their trust in the AFL and anti-doping system that was shaken for two years and remains in tatters. It is hoped that Round 1 against Sydney will be the first step towards recovery for the club, irrespective of the result.
JP Amparis
Roar Rookie
I think you need to stop reading between the lines. I stated quite clearly to those willing to read without prejudice that if there was an obscene amount in injections, I would not be happy. I then clearly stated that the amount of injections that went on was not unreasonable when given to a group as large as a football club. This would have been no higher than what would have been found at any other club. Again, if you were to run the numbers with say 500 injections given to 34 people you would find that this is 14 injections A YEAR. Do you honestly believe that no other club has given players just over 1 injection a month on average? Given the invoices to the club were at a reasonable level, one can safely presume that the quantity of injections would have struggled to even come close to the alleged amount. As for the "normal people"'s belief that Essendon destroyed or hid the details of those injections, as I suggested to AB, you should have evidence when you accuse the upper management of a large club like Essendon of a criminal offence, especially when there are exceptionally reputable people working at the club like doctors who practice outside the club who have their licenses on the line if they were to lie or destroy evidence. This is why your prejudiced comments cannot be taken seriously and I will not continue to discuss this with people who are so desperate to believe that the club has done so wrong that you genuinely believe that the club has committed crimes to hide it - and got away with it given the level of forensic data investigation that occurred which would have detected destroyed data quite easily.
Gecko
Guest
JP, I don't think you've discussed very well. You've suggested that you'd only care if the number of injections was as high as 15,000. Then you've gone off to question whether it was really 15,000 injections. Normal humans are left wondering whether you care about even hundreds of injections. As for your indignant response below, normal people believe that Essendon has either destroyed or hidden the details of those injections because you don't give hundreds of injections without having records. So AB's allegation is based on common sense, which is clearly lacking in some Essendon supporters. I'd suggest it's your comments that shouldn't be taken seriously.
JP Amparis
Roar Rookie
Hi Richard To answer your question would be a 2 stage process. First would be to answer if I would care if the players were injected 15,000 times and no-one knows what with. If that were the case, I would certainly care! I would be very angry that the club has put the players into that position, as I am sure the players would be. The second part of my answer would be relating to that allegation itself. The number of injections thrown around has varied from a few hundred to tens of thousands. Running some quick sums would suggest that 15,000 injections into 34 players would equate to around 2 injections a day, every day of the year including holidays, Christmas, game day, days off. The reality is that the number of injections quoted in the interim report was derived off an assumption and a formula that does not reflect the reality. Further to that, the ultimate bill to the club for supplements would have fallen several hundred thousand dollars short if the 15,000 estimation was accurate. This number is not accurate at all - and the club has contested it. As for the substances in question, as you pointed out, the players were not desperately concerned. This would be due to the knowledge they have of what they were given. There will always be the unknown, players unable to remember if they received vitamin C or D or which exact amino acid they received given they typically have names that are difficult to remember if you are not in the industry, however it is clear that the medical staff who hosted several information nights seem comfortable with what was given, as do the players and family. Telling is todays article in the Australian regarding the Crameri family. Thank you for your question, I am always happy to discuss with those who aren't hell bent on shooting the club and it's staff down.
Mister Football
Roar Guru
Hopefully, evidence of a higher quality than what ASADA managed to present before the AFL Anti-Doping Tribunal.
JP Amparis
Roar Rookie
Destroying evidence is a very serious allegation. It implies criminal behaviour from the clubs higher management. If you want to have your comments taken seriously I would suggest you back that up with some evidence.
AB
Guest
I can understand the genuine relief of Bomber fans, but let's not lose sight of the fact that the club has either (a) badly let down its own players by failing to monitor what was going into their bodies; or (b) engineered the destruction of evidence to avoid punishment. Or possibly both. There is no glory in any of this for EFC or James Hird.
Richard
Guest
JP, a well written piece and it perfectly summarises how many ESsendon fans feel. As I have said before on a number of other roar articles, I am not a fan of EFC but I respect their history and acknowledge that a full strength and competitive Bombers team is vital to the success of the competition, just as a number of other big clubs are I can understand the relief at the not guilty verdict which has made many bombers supporters very happy. The players relief was obvious. (The fact that 3 key people did not co-operate with ASADA has kind of been ignored) However, and here is my key issue - 15, 000 injections and no-one knows what they were given, what if any potential long term health ramifications exist, yet hooray the players can play. I have not heard the players say 'we are desperately concerned as to what we were given, and we will leave no stone unturned to find out'. This is I think the main point that many AFL fans have problems with. And yet, I have not heard many bomber supporters, nor many players highlight this. As a bomber supporter, I would be interested to know if you actually care because I think it is really quite a sad state of affairs.
Bobbo7
Guest
I'm sorry, the club can't say what they were drugged with and that's enough for me to lose all respect for the club.
Gecko
Guest
"James believed the club had been wronged". James the victim? "The rules should have meant ... that James Hird would have spurned Dank." So the wrong-doing was because of the rules? Essendon fans can write their own special version of events. They've been in their own little world for the past two years and with the latest ruling, they're not coming out of their little world because they knew James was right all along. They just knew.
vocans
Guest
JP, you have embodied the search for, and love of, the ideal in human life through your love of the Bombers from that most idealistic time of our lives, childhood, on. The ideal attracts us into life and gives life meaning, a sense that it is more than worth the effort. All this we carry into a less than ideal world, and in our less than ideal selves. Yet, although it can't be perfectly attained, the ideal is a guide and an inspiration, a reason for being and becoming. As children, we need to rely on the ideal, and others as carriers of the ideal, to carry us into a good enough world. The wound to the ideal in childhood looms large in so much adult confusion and suffering. As adults, we do best when we continue to rely on it as a guide, as one of life's GPSs, but we must also be alert and responsive to the forces in the world that corrode its influence and presence. We must be disillusioned enough to not just be carried by it, but to realise our role is to champion it as best we can. That is why this whole thing is a wake-up call to all of us who simply wanted to be carried child-like by the illusion that those, and the game, we idealised were perfect carriers of the ideal. We are required to be active custodians of our culture and its ideals by, in turn, helping them with their role, protecting them from the world's treatment of their role distorting their lives and the game. Truth helps us do this. This is why it is so important that the Bombers, club and players, the AFL, and all those caught up in this sorry mess, make sure that the ideal is redeemed by the truth as much as possible. Imperfect people can live the ideal imperfectly but well enough, provided we look after what matters, and don't pretend it will look after itself while we sleep. Then, kids, like the kids we were, can have some reasonable, safe faith in their heroes as (temporary) carriers for them of the ideal; the ideal they will later need to carry much more for themselves. We all had that poster on our door; wore the number of our favourite player; and so on. Great days; but now are the days of men and women who have to be our own imperfect heroes on behalf of culture and the game. By holding the ideal as guide, while acknowledging how hard it is for all of us to do, and helping each other do it. We have a failure of footy culture here which is part of the broader failure of civilization as a whole. The whole footy community would do well to recognise that it will take all of us to step back from our prejudices, hobby horses, and vested interests, to heal it enough through admitting the truth. Part of the truth is that the players walked like innocent lambs into the slaughterhouse of missing ideals. Our rules should have protected them, and thereby protected the kids who are no doubt troubled by all this, but the rules have been shown to be badly conceived and half-heartedly administered. The rules should have meant the players felt strong and independent enough to question and even refuse what all agrre was a flawed if not shonky process; that James Hird would have spurned Dank from the gut feeling that often helps us detect danger to the ideal; that the permission forms were of the standard needed; and so on. The rules would have stopped Government and others going off half-cocked to everyone's detriment. The rules will not be fixed if everyone forgets the various sour tastes we have in our mouths. Thanks, JP, for setting this off in me.
Feisty Here
Guest
Well written and said JP... You have captured in words , what most Bomber supporters feel :)