The coach is under immense pressure, the best XI is utterly unclear and the team is desperately out of form.
In 2013 it was Australia’s Ashes lead-up, culminating in the sacking of coach Mickey Arthur some 16 days before the Test series started.
Now it describes England’s woes, with the retirement of Jonathan Trott the latest issue for a hierarchy to sort out amid the hotchpotch of a batting order and bowling attack.
Inexperience is a major issue – Alastair Cook, Ian Bell, James Anderson and Stuart Broad are the only incumbents to know what it’s like to consistently crush Australia.
Kevin Pietersen could yet join them, but his slim hopes will become all the slimmer if Andrew Strauss is appointed director of English cricket as expected.
Strauss, or whoever is given the remit of turning English cricket around, faces a tough job.
Will selectors pick and stick in the upcoming two-Test series against New Zealand, or ring the changes so close to the Ashes?
It starts at the top – as it did for Australia two years ago when they opted to recall Chris Rogers.
Cook, sacked as ODI captain prior to the World Cup, ended a Test century drought of almost two years in the recent Barbados loss to the West Indies.
Since Strauss retired in 2012, five men have been trialled alongside Cook – Nick Compton, Joe Root, Michael Carberry, Sam Robson and Trott.
Uncapped Yorkshire opener Adam Lyth, part of the squad that drew 1-1 with the West Indies, is likely to be next.
First drop Gary Ballance, Bell and Root are presumably walk-up starters.
None of them are coming off a mountain of runs. All of them will be tested by a potent Black Caps attack.
The most pressing issue is England’s ongoing search for a frontline spinner, following Graeme Swann’s retirement in Melbourne a year and a half ago.
Allrounder Moeen Ali, who opened the batting for England during the World Cup, impressed with the ball in the 2014 home Test series against India.
Moeen’s offspin was nowhere near as threatening in the two Tests he played against the West Indies, with plenty of pundits calling for him to be dropped.
If that transpires, legspinner Adil Rashid could be handed a Test debut or 33-year-old offspinner James Tredwell a recall, while Monty Panesar still feels he has something to offer at the top level.
Broad and Anderson are both capable of inflicting game-changing collapses in a single spell, something Michael Clarke’s men need no reminding of.
Chris Jordan was given three chances to impress in the Caribbean, but the first-change quick was largely ineffectual and is expected to be dropped.
Then there is coach Peter Moores’ lack of job security and the uncertainty over Pietersen.
Australia showed how quickly the wheel can turn, but even Darren Lehmann was unable to engineer a single victory in the UK after taking the reins on short notice.
CW
Guest
From what I have seen of Buttler he is not good enough to hold down a top six spot. Could roll out his first class figures. I do know he has only scored 4 centuries in more than 60 matches. His brite start to his test career it precisely that..a start. early days yet.
CW
Guest
Do not forget Adam Voges. He also has a vast knowledge of English pitches and conditions having played ample country cricket over the years.
E-Meter
Guest
What???!!!! Where's Captain Eoin Morgan??? Aaaarrrrrhhhh
deccas
Guest
Smith is gorgeous to watch what are you on about? When he hits a straight six off the spinners his straight follow through is just wonderful. His cover drives are bloody gorgeous too! Just because his technique is unconventional doesn't mean its no good, or doesn't look good. Smith looks like he has independently invented a batting technique, rather than learn one and its exhilarating to watch how well he times it, and how surprisingly pure and internally consistent it is. He is hardly a graham smith.
Disco
Guest
108 Tests, average of 44.5. Hilarious, eh?
Disco
Guest
Yes, quite clearly Voges has proven to be a class above Ian Bell!
Pedro the Maroon
Guest
Lyth should already have three tests under his belt. Due to the inexplaicable decision to pick Trott, Lyth now gets to make his debut against the red hot kiwis and then, if his confidence isn't alreayd on the wane, gets thrown under the bus when Harris and Johnson steam in.
Pope Paul VII
Guest
Yes Ronan, England's great fast bowling depth from 2005 seems to have run it's course. There is a young bloke in county that goes about 150 who's name escapes me?
Alex L
Roar Rookie
Broad is really not bowling well with the new ball, everything is cross seam and short, and by the time he's done the ball is usually not doing much either. I'd be interested to see what Jordan could do with a new ball, and bowling in shorter stints than Cook (and Morgan in ODIs) have been having him bowl.
spruce moose
Guest
Bell is without fail the most beautiful batsman to watch in the game at the moment when he is in form. Warner will always look shocking to watch (from a purist perspective of course) no matter what form, ditto Smith.
Ronan O'Connell
Expert
"Anderson wasn’t any better in the World Cup than Broad." The difference is that Anderson rebounded from that to have a sensational series in the Windies in conditions that were poor for fast bowling.
dan ced
Guest
A few 50's in 2 years is a pretty terrible return. He's doing worse than Shane Watson.
Targa
Guest
Has the greatest sporting nation in the world forgotten the rugby league already?!
JimmyB
Guest
Are you sure Nudge? Any England mishaps are met with glee as the Roar will attest. I know this might sound ridiculous but most English cricket fans aren't that bothered by the WC in all honesty, that's not to say that we wish them to do poorly, but that we all moved on without too many tears as soon as we were out. Losing Test matches has always been of much greater concern, so the capitulation in the final Test in the Windies will register far more and is a much better stick to beat us with than the WC where most of us will just shrug our shoulders and agree that yes we were crap.
JimmyB
Guest
Eh? Drop Cook until he scores domestic runs? So we should disregard actual Test match runs then?!
Broken-hearted Toy
Guest
Anderson wasn't any better in the World Cup than Broad. It's the big blot on his record, for a man who has played in as many World Cups as he has, his record is utterly dismal.
sd
Guest
actually rashid is the england man young leggie with solid bat avg . way better than tredwell
Ronan O'Connell
Expert
To underline just how much Eng now rely on Anderson and Broad, in the side's 10 Tests since the last Ashes their 3rd and 4th specialist bowlers (a mixture of Jordan, Woakes, Stokes and Plunkett) have combined for only 54 wickets at an average of 39. None of that four are Test standard - Plunkett never will be in my opinion, Woakes and Stokes are all-rounders not frontline bowlers, and Jordan has the most potential but struggled horribly in the Windies, taking just five wickets from three Tests at an inflated strike rate of 104 (equivalent to taking a wicket ever 17.2 overs). I think the reason Woakes and Stokes have got games is because Eng want lower order batting depth but with some strength between 3 and 7 in Ballance, Bell, Root and Buttler, I don't think they should be worrying about that. They should be picking the best possible bowlers to take some of the load off Anderson and Broad.
Ronan O'Connell
Expert
This is the big issue for England at the moment - their bowling is weak. Anderson is carrying their attack. Broad was woeful in the World Cup and then looked very flat in the Windies Tests. Jordan doesn't look up to Tests at this stage, too many innocuous spells. Stokes definitely is not a frontline bowler, neither is fellow all-rounder Woakes who's also been played as a frontline quick. Plunkett is ordinary and they seem to favour playing with a specialist spinner.
Ronan O'Connell
Expert
No way I'd be moving Root from the middle order with the form he's been in the past 15-16 months. He started his Test career in middle order and did really well, went to the top and struggled, and now is back in the middle and dominating. Seems pretty obvious where he should be batting for the near future anyway. He may well be a good option as an opener down the line but let's not forget he's still very young (24yo) so I'd wait a while before considering such a move.