Hey Michael Clarke, is it really wise to admit you were trying to hit the skin off the ball when your team (remember you’re the captain and all that) is 5/21 after 36 deliveries on the first day of a Test match?
Oh, you want to admit that in your press conference anyway? Okay, go right ahead, but be prepared for the shitstorm that follows.
FULL FOURTH ASHES TEST SCORECARD
On the topic of shitstorms, can we get sweary in columns about the Aussies’ performance yet? When your team gets rolled for 60 on the first morning of a Test, surely it’s time supporters can throw the toys out of the cot?
It was a juicy wicket? 4/274 begs to differ.
After three Tests of talking it up; first the Aussies, then England, then Australia again, it’s become clear that the second Test match was more anomaly than normality.
I was convinced the Aussies would respond in solid fashion after a drubbing at Egdbaston, just like they did at Lord’s.
Knuckle down lads. The ball’s swinging, so it’s probably not the time to try to heave your third rock over cover for six. We’re not in St Kitts anymore.
I was wrong.
Time to throw those toys, Aussie fans.
The alternative is rally behind our lads, and watch the second morning of this Test match dutifully, as if we’re still a chance.
We might have done that, you know, if Michael Clarke hadn’t uttered the following words to the press after the first day’s play at Trent Bridge:
“I was thinking ‘If he pitches it up I’m going to hit it as far as I can’. I watched guys around me get out trying to defend and I thought, like I’ve always said, the better the bowling the more aggressive you’ve got to be. You live by the sword, you die by the sword.”
Choice quotation.
Also intensely arrogant. Or stupid. You know, I can’t really tell which.
Geoff Lemon on White Line Wireless likened Australia’s first innings to a Foie Gras factory, and suggested the authorities be called in, such was the number of malnourished ducks waddling back to the pavilion in creams.
Note that England wear white, and no ducks were harmed by them.
Australia’s performance was braindead and arrogant. Every dismissal reeked of bad attitude and shocking decision making.
The 11th stupidest thing to happen was Michael Clarke telling the collected press that he tried to belt Stuart Broad, who had four for bugger all at the time, over extra cover to practically giftwrap the beanpole his five-fa.
You live by the sword, you die by the sword – it’s the grossest of false dichotomies.
What about living by the shield, and not dying at all?
Clarke was on a hiding to nothing by fronting the media after a capitulation of that magnitude. He did it with good grace; probably too much good grace, and too much honesty.
What he actually said mightn’t measure up with our expectations of what he should have said, or compare with what Steve Waugh or Allan Border might have said. I won’t get stuck into a guy for speaking his mind, which is all too rare in modern sport.
As supporters, though, we have the right to expect a fight. What we got was one free-punching pugilist, and another with his gloves by his side.
All the stuff about staying positive and still being in the Test match… Well there’s something to be said about playing a straight bat to the media, I just wish our players hadn’t played a straight bat to so many balls outside off stump.
It’s called a leave.
Patrick Effeney
Editor
Thanks MJB!
Macca
Guest
"the Aussies only have 2 days to bat…draw." The whole test only didn't last 2 1/2 days.
Macca
Guest
Then why argue the opposite Don?
Disco
Guest
Quite possibly. Kimber wrote a good piece on Cricinfo about Clarke's career which provides a bit of a recap of Clarke's relationship with Cricket Australia and teammates these past couple of years. I wonder if all this affected his captaincy and ability to focus as a batsman.
JimmyB
Guest
Wtfery. Brilliant word, I like it.
sheek
Roar Guru
Disco, The irony for me is that I wasn't over-enthused about Clarke taking over from Ponting, but he was the anointed one. There didn't appear to be many alternatives, as I recall. I'm suggesting we all take a deep breath before we pass sentence. I think there is a story here behind the scenes & I would like to know it before we pass judgement.
Broken-hearted Toy
Guest
Kane W has played a lot in England for such a young player. Plus he's more used to seaming and or swinging conditions in NZ.
Broken-hearted Toy
Guest
It wouldn't be a traditional first day pitch in Aus. But I agree with you. It was an utterly brainless display of panic and wtfery. Great seam bowling by Broad though.
Andy
Guest
Remember how at the start of Ashes Broad said England had figured out Smith and we all laughed and mocked him. Oops.
Disco
Guest
I think Clarke's approach belies scrambled thinking and lack of faith in his form with the bat. I see where you're coming from, but surely the situation demanded Clarke protect his wicket at all costs? Ideally for hours but at least for a few overs or so. To risk being rolled for under 100 should be out of the question, and given Australia's travails in Birmingham that became a distinct possibility once 4 wickets were down. Clarke's general attempts at strokeplay have been sad to watch. Just on Botham, he was a 25-year-old in 1981 and was never any side's senior batsman.
sheek
Roar Guru
Gee, Michael Clarke is really copping it here & everywhere. Aggressively hitting your way out of a tight spot is a tried & accepted form of counter-attack. Sometimes you dig in, sometimes you hit out. Sometimes your tactic works, sometimes it doesn't. Back in 1981, Ian Botham bagged a pair of ducks in the 2nd test lost by England. Relieved of the captaincy, & with his team in another perilous position in the 3rd test, Botham played aggressively in an astonishing innings of 149 no. Clarke tried to hit his way out of trouble, & failed. That doesn't automatically mean it was the wrong thing to do. I amazed that the collapse for 60 seems to be ALL Clarke's fault.
craig watson
Roar Rookie
Voges finally showing some steel. All too late. SOS Marsh has played his last test.
Maggie
Guest
Thank you Ditraversa and Don. You are both spot on.
Nick
Guest
A good number of those wickets were unplayable actually. Brilliant deliveries. Credit where its due without qualification.
Nick
Guest
thats the actual message right there! Soft hands. Something Kane Williamson is a master of. The number of times he edges early in his innings but it doesnt carry, very soft hands.... soft
Nick
Guest
its a grossly unfair statement to be honest. They had to play at a number of those balls with the movement out there. Theres a reason the 'channel' is named as it is, its not at the stumps but just outside.
richardislip
Guest
Lovely piece of writing and spot on. And........Michael Clarke in actual fact......GAVE UP MEEKLY. He did NOT die by the sword. He simply did not have the gumption to STICK IT OUT, so the easiest thing for him to do was throw his bat at the ball. ( and be disingenuous to the media about it ). And almost the entire side therefor, has reflected this lack of gumption. At least one test much too far, and the most important one.
Don Freo
Guest
Amen Ditraversa. Clarkey is a gem. Don't some of you enjoy cricket? Why do you watch it? It is sport. Sometimes our team doesn't win. It is still good to watch cricket. Try it. If things go bad, you'll still be alive in the morning and there will always be another game where your favourite player plays well again.
Ditraversa
Roar Rookie
Are you guys, criticising Clarke and some others so vociferously aware of how personally you seem to take their performance? Not to mention how quickly you forget the service Clarke has offered to the baggy green. How easily you forget South Africa and countless mountains of runs he scored when Australia really were struggling and needed them. If Clarke retired today he would stand along side Waugh, Border, Chappell, et al. in the pantheon as great Australian batsmen/captain. For much of his time as captain he has had to work with a developing side and a lack of quality batsmen to support him. So at best you are unfair and largely incorrect. At worst you will end up with a massive load of egg on your collective faces.
Phillip
Guest
Good day for Khawaja, got a 100 and also announced as the new Bulls captain