Brave Sir Brendan ran away
Bravely ran away away
When danger reared its ugly head
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes, brave Sir Brendan turned about
And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat
Bravest of the brave, Sir Brendan!
I am writing in disbelief as Cricket Australia sent out the following tweet.
Assuming the CA XI aren’t thinking of forfeiting, and assuming New Zealand aren’t disappointed that Australia’s declaration robbed them of more bowling practice, I guess New Zealand aren’t having fun anymore, and want to use their safe word?
On a pitch that looks more like the bottom of a lake in a 10-year drought than a Gabba green-top, a pyjama specialist and a wicketkeeper who couldn’t make their Sheffield Shield sides had put on a handy opening partnership. The demons in the pitch awoke and reared their ugly head, to see the CA XI reeling at 1-503.
The Australian XI then panicked and declared at that total, unsportingly denying Aaron Finch a maiden triple century after besting his previous highest of 122. I’m not sure if Finch backed his car over captain Ashton Turner’s cat earlier in the morning, or if Turner was desperately trying to entice New Zealand to bat before the lead became unassailable.
Now in breaking news, there is talk of abandoning play, or a double Kiwi declaration, as New Zealand have taken their bats and gone home rather than try to survive on this apparently viciously unplayable pitch.
Come to think of it, I’m not even sure you can declare twice in a row, as it is the other team’s prerogative to enforce the follow-on, and cannot be taken for granted.
In light of New Zealand cricket’s focus on contrived results in the courts of Old Blighty recently, I wonder how many bookies had the Australian rejects to cover the spread and win by more than an innings and 500 runs?
I’m also not sure if the two hours of negotiation between officials of both teams were about the dangers of the pitch, or about how to describe the forfeit without New Zealand losing face?
Meanwhile, in their sole first-class fixture before the first Test, Australia’s just announced Test players will continue facing disintegrating pink balls under lights, to ensure that neither team is remotely prepared for the Test at the Gabba.
Should be a good game, I wonder if the Kiwis will strike another blow for the Spirit of Cricket and actually pick up a bat this time?
rasty
Guest
Sooky la la
rasty
Guest
Sook!
rasty
Guest
Grow up sook!
Riccardo
Guest
This is not satire Matt. This is bile. It's not supported by a "Ha" denotation. Your defense of it is shameful...
Riccardo
Guest
How is this sort of commentary tolerated on this site? What has happened to the moderators. This man is sick and needs your help...
Riccardo
Guest
Is this a joke? So you're calling an international team and its captain cowards for not wanting to bat on a pitch that had disintegrated so much it looked worse than the untended lawn of a tinny house in Druitt. Have you seen it? What if someone was seriously hurt and the upcoming Test series affected? This is very poor & I cannot believe Zak or Paddy or Spiro don't have something to say. As moaman has correctly quipped: pathetic.
Fox
Roar Guru
Well Brendon Julian totally understood why McCullum did it and criticized the non-test wickets and that he completely understood why McCullum did what he did They are supposed to be getting practice in Australia for Australia wicket conditioned and the two wickets they played on in Sydeny were rubbish tracks so his batsmen and bowlers were better off going to Brisbane and practicing in the Brisbane nets that play like the GABBA according to Julian and he should know He was totally on McCullum's side So get over the McCullum "not so brave " put downs. Smart captaincy and putting the test first Stuff some invitation eleven on a wearing crappy muddy wicket when you have a test match on bouncy fast paced wicket in a few days time Great Captaincy making the right call knowing he would cop exactly the kind of dribble in this article
moaman
Roar Guru
If you are a typical representative of your country SP --I would be more than happy to cease playing you immediately.
moaman
Roar Guru
"I play on better turf pitches in my poo grade park cricket." I was thinking the same.
moaman
Roar Guru
James? Did you see the photos of the craters that had opened up in front of the crease?
moaman
Roar Guru
No covers available? I appreciate the evident sincerity of your post but; both Canberra & Blacktown pitches bore a striking similarity it seems. Odd for so early in the season I would have thought. Had the groundsmen been thwarted in their honest endeavour to provide a decent pitch-could not the game have been moved? Or would that have inconvenienced the 5 spectators?
SP
Guest
"In light of New Zealand cricket’s focus on contrived results in the courts of Old Blighty recently, I wonder how many bookies had the Australian rejects to cover the spread and win by more than an innings and 500 runs?" yup, just can't trust an nz cricketers to be honest these days. Australia shouldn't be lowering themselves to play such types.
Matt
Roar Rookie
Ahhh, you missed that he was kidding too?
Matt
Roar Rookie
The comment where the original poster said "I was kidding" is another hint. If a few grumpy kiwis commenting on this post spent more time watching Monty Python and less time getting angry at satire that went over their heads on the internet they'd have happier lives. Would have thought they would have been in a better mood after smashing us in the rugby. Maybe Cricket Australia should have sent their groundskeepers over to Twickenham to strike fear into the kiwis.
barryoh
Guest
I agree, there really is no point in having these discussions, especially when the result of the game has probably been pre-determined by many of your side.
barryoh
Guest
What's a mud pitch? (For those of us who don't know as much about cricket as your good self...)
barryoh
Guest
What is - the fact that you refused to bat on a deck where you had just conceded 500 runs for the loss of one wicket? Match fixing? Please let us know the basis of your concerns.
Jameswm
Guest
Fyi 5-day tests are played in a different sport, called cricket. The rugby WC result is about as relevant as Bill Shorten's approval rating.
Clark
Guest
You are an imbecile if you think that this was solely NZs fault the match was called off early. If one side wanted to continue and Cricket Australia and the organisers agreed, they would have played on. Aussie just like to believe the tripe that is written and reported by News Ltd, whose target audience is league fans, bogans and morons. Cricket Australia should be embarrassed with offering up that rubbish to a touring International team for a warmup game
G
Guest
Congrats on the Rah'Rahs. Lucky for me I'm a Cricket and League man!