How to win at the WACA

Along with the Gabba in Brisbane, the WACA Ground in Perth usually poses the biggest challenges to touring sides.

The WACA missed out on a Test last year, and is soon to be downgraded to a secondary ground when ‘major’ sides tour our shores.

For now, however, the beast is back on the fixture, and fast bowlers from both teams will be eager to attack opposition batsmen like a terrier chasing a magpie.

With many obstacles to overcome when seeking glory in Perth Test matches, here is a handy guide on how to win at the WACA.

Play for Australia
The importance of this step cannot be exaggerated. Since the 2000-01 season, Australia has won 10 of the 14 Test matches played at the ground. Most of these wins have been on the back of dominant bowling performances from local quicks.

Veteran paceman Mitchell Johnson leads the pack here, taking 42 wickets from his six WACA Tests at a solid average of 20.19.

However, it hasn’t been a one-way street for our oft-mustachioed pace battery at the ground, with Australia susceptible to the occasional lapse at the ground. This brings us to the second winning strategy in Perth.

Play for South Africa
Unfortunately for Kiwi players, this option is also not available to them, due to a complicated mix of rules around birthplace and an overall lack of talent. However, being a Protea is a rather useful asset when seeking victory in Perth.

In their three Test matches at the WACA ground since 2000, South Africa have managed two wins and a draw. This easily surpasses England, who have lost all four Tests in the same period.

Zimbabwe also have a poor record at the ground, losing their one Test at the ground in 2003, and also contributing to Matthew Hayden’s eventual media career and ‘writing’ exploits. Thanks, Zimbabwe.

No players from the current New Zealand squad have played a Test match at the WACA, which led to my call yesterday for the Kiwis to select Luke Ronchi. This suggestion appears likely to go unrequited, with Mike Hesson instead likely opting for a balanced side of seven fast bowlers, three batsmen and BJ Watling.

Score 700 or more in your first innings
Let’s again revisit the summer of 2003-04, where Australia took a leisurely stroll in the park, aka the WACA. The boys put on their pads, scored a measly 6-735, and won by an innings.

The aforementioned fishing guru/chef/occasional batsman Hayden, or ‘Mat-you Ay-don’ as Michael Holding calls him, ground out a meagre 380 in the process.

His full range of insults and shotmaking were on display throughout the innings, as he took down the might of Trevor Gripper and Ray Price.

Mark Craig will no doubt be eager to get out there and match the quality spinners who have come before him. His Gabba performance should be a good warm-up for record breaking figures in Perth.

Win the toss and bat… or field
Since 2000, six teams have won the match after winning the toss and batting. A pretty decent record, really. However, two teams have lost after choosing to bat. Also, three teams have won the toss, fielded and then gone on to win at the WACA.

Choosing a pattern here is clearly on par with finding original skin on Shane Warne’s face in degree of difficulty.

My advice? Win the toss and have an ice bath. Good luck to both teams, and I hope the Kiwis have been practicing their ducking as the bouncers are coming.