From Adam Jones losing his cool to Blair Walsh and Brian Hoyer losing their minds, it was an ugly, error-stricken, regret-filled first weekend of the NFL playoffs which saw all four wild card teams ‘triumph’.
Here are four takeaways from the chaos.
1. A Cincinnati meltdown
Give the Bengals credit, they had no interest whatsoever in an ‘honourable loss’. They threw honour out the door with the baby and the bathwater on Saturday, losing to the Steelers in the most ignominious way possible.
Losing a game on one personal foul is one thing, but losing it on two consecutive personal fouls is, well, two things. In a playoff game no less.
Vontaze Burfict’s hit on a defenceless Antonio Brown was as dirty as it was mindless. And then, as if he took offence to the possibility of being for once upstaged at mindlessness, Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones ended his team’s season with a ludicrously ill-timed tirade against Steelers assistant coach Joey Porter.
On top of all this, the Bengals fumbled when they were trying to run out the clock, and they allowed Ben Roethlisberger, who couldn’t throw the ball more than ten yards with a busted shoulder, to march down the field. Take a bow Cincinnati, you are and forever will be the kings of being dunces.
2. The Blair Walsh Project
Forget about the end of “Blair Witch”, Blair Walsh and Vikings fans are going to be seeing that hooked left 27-yarder in their nightmares for decades to come. If this had happened to any other team there might be an element of comedy – a Tony Romo in Seattle corollary – to a team’s season ending on a missed chip shot that was six yards closer than an extra point.
But Minnesota has suffered so dearly. From the infamous Gary Anderson miss to the Brett Favre interception that cost the Vikings a trip to the Super Bowl, Minnesota just can’t catch a break. It’s not like the Timberwolves or Twins have eased the pain either.
Add Sunday’s loss to the pile of emotionally crippling defeats in the Twin Cities. The Vikings had the Seahawks on the ropes, pouring ice water on Russell Wilson’s flames and picking on Kam Chancellor in the secondary. But as is their custom, when they had a chance to turn the knife they slipped and ended up impaling themselves on it. Again.
In perfect Minnesota fashion, their loss was sealed by two grave errors from two of their most reliable players, Adrian Peterson, one of the greatest players in franchise history, and Walsh, their star kicker. Peterson’s fumble and Walsh’s miss ensured that the Vikings’ Super Bowl drought will enter its 47th year. Well, at least you’ve got Karl Anthony Towns, Minnesota.
3. Brian Hoyer puts on his Jake Delhomme costume
There’s something magical about a quarterback having the ultimate meltdown on the biggest stage. It’s like a tragic farce, where the errors outdo themselves in comical magnitude. It’s a crescendo effect, with each mistake making the next one even more inevitable.
That was Brian Hoyer’s life on Saturday, as he gifted the viewing public the biggest quarterback disintegration since Jake Delhomme had the worst birthday in history in January 2009.
There’s something about quarterback confidence where when it goes, it goes straight to hell. A rattled quarterback begins to look no different than you or I out there when he starts to lose it, throwing passes as physically timid as they are mentally incomprehensible. Even with the Chiefs failing to capitalise early, the Texans had no hope of competing with the way Hoyer was playing.
The Chiefs, meanwhile, gifted a virtual bye into the next round, will tackle the Patriots full of confidence. Riding an 11-game winning streak, Kansas City will also take a lot of heart from the 41-14 beat-down they put on the Patriots last season. They match up well against New England, and while Alex Smith and a wounded or absent Jeremy Maclin won’t strike much fear in Patriots fans, the KC defence absolutely will.
4. The panacea of Washington’s defence
When in trouble, head to Washington, Mr. Rodgers. After struggling for the better part of three months, the Green Bay offence came to life on Sunday, gashing Washington on the ground.
The Packers looked the liveliest they’ve been in a long time, but this game was more about Washington’s raging mediocrity. Kirk Cousins is a nice story, but the reality is that Washington didn’t beat a team with a winning record all season, losing all four of their match-ups by double digits.
Washington did well to win the NFC East, but their triumph was less about them and more about Romo’s injuries, Philadelphia’s meltdown and Tom Coughlin’s year-long struggle with late game senility.
Tempered expectations are always in order after wild card weekend, as we tend to overrate the teams we’ve just seen win. The recent success of the Giants, Ravens and Packers on their Super Bowl marches, which began on wild card weekend have only played into this.
Maybe Green Bay figured something out against Washington, but more likely is that they simply figured out that Washington aren’t very good at football, and they’re about to head to Arizona where they lost by 30 points a fortnight ago.
It’s difficult to separate the truth from the noise on the NFL’s first playoff weekend. Maybe we overrated the Seahawks and underrated the Packers. Perhaps one of the Steelers or Chiefs just took their first step on a journey to the Super Bowl.
We don’t know, and we’ll only know with the clear lenses of retrospect. At the end of it all, there’s only one truth we can extract from this weekend beyond a doubt: the Bengals are really dumb.
Chop
Roar Guru
Seattle got out of jail AGAIN just like last year (Grumble grumble Packers fan) but Minnesota should never have given them a sniff. Peterson 'switched' off (see what I did there) and they still had a chance. I feel sorry for Walsh that's going to be tough to come back from even though he shouldn't have been in that position in the first place. Packers recovered from being pathetic early, once Rogers started exposing their secondary it was all over. They'll push Arizona harder this time but after watching Arizona all season they're still my favourite for the Superbowl. Cinci being Cinci just made me laugh, at least it wasn't Dalton choking this time around, it's a pity Pittsburgh are so beat up they look like cannon fodder this weekend for Denver is Manning is even half good. I hope Carolina and Seattle beat the hell out of each other, I don't really care who win unless the Packers get a surprise win.
Chop
Roar Guru
As a Packers fan I was very happy to lose to the Vikings in week 17 once it was established that we either played you again or went to Washington. I knew exactly who I wanted to play and it wasn't the Vikings. I'm not suggesting the Pack threw week 17 but that didn't look as annoyed losing as they were against Arizona the week before
bear54
If it wasn't for Burfict the Bengals wouldn't have been in the game at all. They were down 15 nil when he smashed Big Ben forcing Tomlin to choose between Landry Jones and Rothlisbergers shadow at QB...... (to quote the old knight guard the grail at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)........he chose poorly!!!! Landry Jones did nothing other than gift the game to the Bengals before Hill's extremely stupid fumble (FIND THE GROUND JEREMY, FIND THE GROUND, FIND THE.......... bugger). Kudos to Ryan Shazier and his missing eyebrows. Without Burfict the Bengals lose and the whole game is an anti-climax. Until his well timed bell ringer on Big Ben the game was a rain-soaked yawner. Cincinnati needs a bad man. Vontaze is their wrecking ball and until another players' eyes roll back into their head and begin belting everyone on the opposition he should stay in Tiger town. Bill O'Brien in Houston now has a very simple task this off-season: Send Clowney to Cincinnati with a note that reads "He's all yours, just send us one of your QB's, we don't care if it's Andy or AJ. PS: Brian Hoyer is available as well but only for kids parties or playing against the Titans" The Green Bay Packers beat Washington. Woo hoo........ that's like watching a fully frown man beat up on a 12 year old..... in a wheelchair...... in a pool. The Cardinals will be a much tougher prospect although I do like the Packers uptempo no-huddle offense. They will score some points, as will Arizona who's receivers know which hand to hold the ball as they cross the goal line. Finally, I feel sorry for Minnesotta and their fans. That's a horrible way to lose a wild card game. It's not like Seattle know what it's like to lose an important game right at the death???????? (Grumble, grumble..... Belichick...... Brady...... Butler......grumble, grumble). As a Seahawks fan all I can say is..... whew!!!! We played pretty well against a fantastic defense in their house. Hopefully that's the practice we need to take beat the Pathers this weekend?
Ryan Buckland
Expert
I watched both of the AFC games, and I was left with remarkably mixed feelings, particularly after Steelers/Bengals. On one hand, I was like THIS IS THE GREATEST SPORTSING I HAVE WATCHED ALL YEAR (2015). On the other, I was like this is really not very good at all, and makes me feel strange. I can only imagine what its like to be a full-time NFL fan.
Nate
Guest
Great doco that, especially as you can see how much it means for them to keep the streak alive.
Worlds Biggest
Guest
Very interesting Wild Card round with all four road teams winning, this has never happened. Whilst the Chiefs pitched a shutout, Brian Hoyer was just horrible, the Texans are now officially on the lookout for there next QB. I bet they now wished they picked Teddy Bridgewater ahead of Clowney. The Bengals v Steelers was one of the feistiest playoff games in some time. What can you say about the Bengals, the lunatics are running the asylum. No doubt they missed Dalton in the first three quarters. If I'm Mike Brown, I would be seriously considering releasing nutcases Burfict and Pacman. Jeremy Hill just has to hang onto that ball. In the NFC, the Seahawks were extremely lucky to get through that one, Blair Walsh's kick is now officially " Wide Left ". Peterson's fumble allowed the Seahawks to kick a FG too. I thought the Redskins v Packers was a good game, sure the Skins won an abysmal division, however they have the makings of a decent team. If Jackson scores that TD ( bonehead play ) then the game could have taken a different route. As it is, the Pack in particular Rodgers regained his mojo. The offence was very well balanced whilst the front seven played well, the secondary though should have had 2 or 3 picks. The Cards will have a game on there hands.
Sam
Guest
If anyone has fetch tv or standard cable with ESPN keep an eye out over coming weeks for the 30 for 30 doco on the select band of photographers who have kept up the streak and photographed all of the Superbowls. The laid back nature of the first two or three games has to be seen to be believed. You also forget it was a bit of an anticlimax in early years. Real prestige lay in winning the NFC. Joe Namath changed all that.
Chucka
Guest
a whole lot of swear words came out of me when Walsh missed............ Superbowl 51 for the Vikes!! SKOL!!!
no one in particular
Roar Guru
Burfict has always been a nut case. Some coaches did strange thngs to try and capitalise on it http://www.sbnation.com/ncaa-football/2011/9/10/2416272/gary-pinkel-iced-kicker-missouri-arizona-state
Sam
Guest
As painful as the loss is one takeout must be that Minnesota are strong. Almost sidelined Seattle and strangled the Packers at home the week before. Packers were probably lucky to lose that and get the draw with Washington
Gurudoright
Guest
As a Bengals fan I was ready to throw things at the TV. I still can't believe they threw that game away. I'm now not looking forward to first day back at school with my incoming year 10 class. There are a couple of Steelers fan in that class and it's going to be hell.