Grant Hackett should never have returned to swimming. The pool wasn’t the answer to his problems, it was only ever masking them.
Olympic medals, sponsorship deals and broadcasting positions are irrelevant now, those pretending they matter are thoughtless, drivelling philistines.
That Hackett’s problems seemingly surfaced following his initial retirement a few years ago is no coincidence. Here was a man suddenly without his comforting obsession and no longer sure of his identity or place in the world.
A man who became angry and turned to drugs and alcohol as a solution, exactly like many before him have done.
With clinical precision Hackett found trouble again last week, immediately after his comeback finished. This is no coincidence either.
In 2013, the now deceased former New Zealand cricketer, Martin Crowe wrote an insightful piece titled The Masks We Wear. In it Crowe opined how confusion and uncertainty can result in people moulding metaphorical masks to hide their fragilities behind.
Specifically, he was talking about himself, English batsmen Johnathon Trott (who was struggling with anxiety at the time) and Australian batsman Dave Warner (who was struggling with boorishness and being a bully at the time).
Yet Crowe could also have been talking about Garry Lyon, Andrew Johns, Wayne Carey, Grant Hackett and a multitude of other household names. He could also have been talking about you and I.
I played football from the age of seven until the age of 30 to a fairly mediocre standard, but I loved it and lived it entirely. Playing football gave me an identity. It gave me a sense of belonging. Now, I can see it also gave me somewhere to hide from my demons. Football gave me a mask to wear.
Occasionally cracks appeared in the mask, but these were quickly patched up with a pat on the back and a, ‘cheer up,’ or ‘pull your head in,’ from coaches and mates. That’s how it was done then.
As with the aforementioned sports stars, only when I finished playing did the cracks in my mask begin to widen.
I no longer had a distraction shared with forty other blokes to occupy my entire week. My thirties were tumultuous. At 37 I spent a few hours one sunny day sitting on a remote cliff ledge on the NSW South Coast, willing myself to jump.
The comedian in me now says that it was a good time to discover a fear of heights. The truth is, all I can remember getting me home that day was a need to feed my dog that I loved so much.
In swimming parlance, it was time for me to sink or swim.
The psychiatrist who helped save my life told me that drug and alcohol abuse are an entirely natural path to go down for those who are lost, scared, damaged or disconnected. But, drugs and alcohol only serve the same function as Crowe’s metaphorical mask, they placate the subconscious for a limited time.
So, sooner or later we must surrender to our egos, take off the masks and find the courage to have a conversation with the mirror.
It’s a conversation that those of us who are suffering must have so we can see and understand ourselves in entirety.
The conversation enables us to establish a sense of self beyond how our Olympic medals, world records, adoring fans or local footy premierships might depict us. It’s the hard way, but the only way.
This is what Grant Hackett must now do. The alternatives are bleak and repetitively painful.
Having experienced emotional turmoil myself it shines like a beacon when I see it on others.
That’s what I see in Grant Hackett. There is a chance that he could just be an entitled dickhead. But, I think not.
Following his initial problems Hackett did the natural thing. He did what he knows best and what he thought was best, he started swimming again. In reality, he was taking the easy option. Like using drugs and alcohol, swimming again was like putting a Band-Aid on Mount Vesuvius.
Now it’s Grant Hackett’s turn to sink or swim, to do the difficult, unnatural thing and have his conversation with the mirror. A conversation he should have with his mask off.
Torchbearer
Guest
Interesting comparing Hackett to Thorpe- who also tried a comeback, and was wearing a mask. His comeback, following alcohol abuse, was a dead end too, and it was not until he took off his 'closet gay' mask could he embrace himself, his legacy and the public again. He seems to be going really well now. I wish them both the best.
northerner
Guest
Can't agree. There are many other measures of relevance in life than winning medals or standing on a podium. Being anonymous is not the same as being irrelevant, lacking purpose or having low expectations. There are many people doing magnificent and important work in the sciences, technology and a whole slew of other fields who are absolutely unknown to the general public. That doesn't make their work meaningless or irrelevant. In fact, in many cases the unsung heroes leave a legacy that will last far longer than memories of an Olympic medal. I would in fact argue that expecting to coast through the rest of your life on achievements you made before the age of 30 would be a clear example of "low expectations."
Bob Ambler
Guest
A great piece of journalism Sean - you even got the spelling right! I hope Hackett reads it for his own sake.
Rookie
Guest
I don't agree, it's about finding meaning in your life regardless of your public profile. Sport isn't the only area in which people find profile, and it may not be of the sort you're describing here, but if you identify yourself with excellence in any area, and for whatever reason that is no longer possible, it is a struggle to define who you are outside of that context. I have experienced it in my professional life and am watching a friend go through it as he moves out of a highly successful cheffing career.
Obtuseone
Guest
A thoughtful opinion piece but its conclusion is rather facile. To expect a youngish former public idol to reconcile himself to a life of irrelevance and lack of purpose is rather fanciful. It is easy for the majority of us who have been mediocre at our dream sport or other passions to reconcile ourselves finally to a life of low expectations and anonymity but must be near impossible for those who had a taste of fame and adulation when young. The perceptive "The Grade Cricketer" depicts accurately the yearning hope of a never was to still achieve success despite evidence and history telling him to give up and it is so much harder for someone like Hackett to embrace a life out of the spotlight. The lucky few retirees, in certain sports, can forge a career in the media but an ex swimmer will find those rare opportunities less likely. I wish him well but fear the worst.
Sean Woodland
Roar Pro
Thanks mate. Great song. Couldn't agree more. Not much Freddie ever got wrong on the music front.
jamesb
Guest
Nice article mate. And you closed it off well in the last two paragraphs. We all have our ups and downs. Life isn't easy. One of the reasons I come on this site is to have some form of escapism from daily life. Plus I love sport in general. Your article does remind me of Queen's song Innuendo. If you haven't heard it, its brilliant. The lyrics used in that song may also apply to Grant Hackett and to everyone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2N0TkfrQhY
Rookie
Guest
Thanks Woody, you remain an inspiration to me. One of the bravest and most 'real' people I know. Keep up the good work mate.
TB
Guest
I think he needs to give himself an upper cut, not a conversation in the mirror. Also channel 7 needs to stop promoting has beens to draw ratings. More focus needs to be on the up and comers.
richo
Guest
thank you very much for this article Sean
Josh's grandpa
Guest
Recognizing the mask. Know what's on your mind at the moment, where it's coming from, what it's doing to you, where it's leading you. This is called mindfulness. And you realize that the mask is of your own creation and kept in place by your willingness to think of yourself as such. Of course, you learn that since this is your projection, you also learn that you can control the mask which can be changed when you wish.
Nobbler
Guest
-- Comment from The Roar's iPhone app.
Nobbler
Guest
It's a thumbs up from me. -- Comment from The Roar's iPhone app.
Sean Woodland
Roar Pro
Thanks Lroy. Appreciate it.
Lroy
Guest
Wow!! I thought this was going to be a cheap shot at another fallen idol, along the lines of '' you dont know how lucky you have been etc"" but.. this was interesting.. really interesting... dont know nuttin about you dude, but Ill keep an eye out for anything else you write in future.. ;-)