Rugby league’s first openly gay player has revealed the torment and guilt he still carries more than 20 years after coming out.
Former Test and NSW State of Origin hardman Ian Roberts, now an actor, is universally regarded as a pioneer and hero among the gay community.
But, at 50, he’s still ashamed for not doing more to save the life of a young friend and HIV carrier and pedophile victim.
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But while now happy and content as he pursues a career in Hollywood, after also serving on the NRL judiciary while illiterate, Roberts still hurts for “not stepping up” and helping the police before a teenage lodger in his home was murdered in the 1990s.
In the months before the 15-year-old was murdered, police knocked on Roberts’ door hoping the teenager would provide evidence against his alleged pedophile attacker.
Roberts says his first selfish thoughts at the time were of how the case – revealing his sexuality – would “destroy” his career.
“This is what I live with now,” Roberts told Peter Sterling in an emotional interview on Fox Sports.
“And I don’t ask for anyone’s sympathy or (have) regrets because I’m totally comfortable with what happened now. I can totally get my head around it.
“But for me to go to that point and think about my career when that boy ended up being murdered, left dead in a ditch, it kills, it crushes me.”
Roberts says his coming out in 1994 – which he described as the “worst-kept secret in rugby league” – was a huge relief personally and for his family.
Beforehand, he said his mother and father had stopped going to games because of the abuse their son copped from the crowd.
“My parents never wanted me to come out either but I think it was to their relief too and they understood then why I had to come out,” Roberts said.
“It almost gave them the right to be there and stand up for me.”
S.L. Craven
Guest
The Manly fans always had great affection for Roberts, calling out 'Good on ya Mardi Gras!' whenever he made a great tackle or a good run. You're right though Sydneysider, the percentage of gay blokes in the community isn't affected by whether they play sport. Of course there are others - but even today it's regretably still a cross to bear for many which probably explains why they prefer to stay under the radar.
Train Without A Station
Roar Guru
He was certainly quite the hard man, and in an era when the game was quite tough too. I'd imagine he'd be the most feared opponent in the NRL if he played today. Certainly dashed any stereotypes about gay men. It's unfortunate many forget just how good and tough a player he was in his prime.
Squidward
Roar Rookie
I remember someone team mate saying that literally no one cared. But I find the attitudes back then of some old schoolers surely there would have to be some grief. Especially some of the comments I've seen quoted from homophobic American sports stars if they had a gay on the locker room
Jerry
Guest
Roberts could have been a pro boxer. He was like SBW only 18 years earlier.
Stu
Guest
Read his book years ago - fantastic read. Always wondered - who was the Kangaroo forward who was teasing him, but declined his offer to settle it outside?
Chris
Guest
Not only did Ian Roberts broke the stereotype of what a gay man or indeed a Rugby League player is like but he was also one tough cookie who was a Karate black belt and was told he had very good Boxing skills from what I read.
Sydneysider
Guest
It's 2016, and surely there would be at least 1 player in the NRL out of 400 who is gay? It's amazing that only Ian Roberts has ever publicly come out. Has there ever been an AFL player publicly come out as gay?
90sTragic
Guest
Great player and one of my favorites in a Blues jersey. I saw him on Sterlo and although he alluded to coming in to first grade at Souths with some hard men like Les Davidson and Les Boyd Sterlo never actually asked Roberts what these guys attitude was.
Agent11
Guest
Roberts is definitely a hero for revealing his sexuality in the toughest and most masculine football code there is. But has anyone else come out since, in any code? if no, its quite unbelievable that no one else has since 1994.