The chopping block: Sussing out the Spider Cam

What a week of rugby league, firstly State of Origin on Wednesday night was among the most dullest games in the competition’s history.

It rivalled Fatty Vautin’s unfashionable rookies’ upset 2-0 win over the Blues at the SFS in 1995.

Truth be told, I can’t recall much of the ’95 clash; the pub in Sydney where I watched the game had free schooners until the first try was scored!

+The fallout was predictable with the blame laid on a bench player who played all of nine minutes. Then we had the scandal of match-fixing to contend with, all before Round 13 had commenced.

Ray and I missed the call-up from Laurie Daley while we made our annual pilgrimage to Urunga. Not sure we would have even contemplated leaving the Ocean View Hotel after witnessing Shannon Noll in full flight during his weekly residence, strumming all the hits.

How this bloke hasn’t conquered the world is beyond me. The lyrics to Shiny Car are truly inspirational: “I’ve got a car, I’ve got a big red shiny car…”

So easy to sing along to after a dozen schooners. Then as I chugged down a plate of wedges, he belted out the Biggest Loser theme, which inspired me to do five laps of the bar. Had no idea he had such an extensive catalogue of hit tunes or wrote that other truly inspiring ballad of beating the odds.

So Roarers, without further ado, let’s commence the chopping block at the halfway point of season 2016.

Aaron Woods
Calls for this Chewbacca wannabe to take over from Paul Gallen have to be as premature as bookies paying out on a team to win the title six weeks prior to the finals, only for said side to exit the finals in straight sets!

If anyone witnessed his lack of ticker in the slop at the SFS when challenged by the Roosters, they’d see he is not the man to lead from the front. In Game 1 of Origin, the biggest yards gained by the Maroon forwards where made in collision with Woods and his Tigers club mate Robbie Farah.

To then read how the duo were defensive standouts shows how much emphasis statistics have become a sad indictment on the game today. To latch onto to the ball carrier impersonating the conjoined twin who rode shotgun in his brother’s guts in the Arnie Schwarzenegger flick Total Recall, is hardly a tackle in my book.

If anyone witnessed Ryan James’ performance in Perth, he should be fast tracked into the side for Game 2. It won’t happen though, just like Glenn Maxwell putting away the reverse sweep or Grant Denyer cracking an original joke in our lifetime.

Brett Stewart
The snake was about as effective as an ab-tronic machine on Friday night in the nation’s capital. Continuously being shunted backwards by the big Raiders side, ‘The Snake’ was anonymous for most of the evening. Surely with the form of young Tom Trbojevic, it’s last drinks for Brett Stewart.

Manly can no longer continue carrying steady elder statesmen in their backline. While the forwards failed to repel the Raiders up front, it was the late cameo from young Trbojevic which almost sparked his side back into an unlikely grand stand finish.

Of years gone past the Snake would have loomed up on the young gun’s inside to score under the sticks, when the youngster made a terrific long range break with five minutes left on the clock.

Lachlan Maranta
Surely the only thing keeping young Lachlan in the Broncos’ mix is his famous grandad Barry’s legacy at Red Hill. Only Manu Vatuvei’s gaffes spared him the blowtorch on his performance over the ditch on Saturday afternoon.

The odd unlucky bounce of the ball played its part, but the Warriors had a great deal of success targeting the hapless Broncos winger. You could put it down to just one of those weeks, but it’s apparent the depth at Brisbane is not what it used to be.

Bennett is not spoilt for choice given some of the performances from Englishman Greg Eden and now Maranta. With a fully fit Corey Oates and Jordan Kahu the ponies’ wingers are one of the better duos in the NRL, but an injury to either provides rivals with a weakness which can be exposed with ease.

You could argue the same applies for a lot of NRL sides, however beyond their first choice back line, the Broncos of 2016 lack considerable depth as opposed to most of their closest rivals.

Burgess twins
The lack of respect for the pigskin shown by the Burgess twins has been lingering at Redfern longer than repeated images of Tony Abbott in a pair of budgie smugglers. Surely the two behemoths can tuck the pill under their giant frames and avoid loose carries on a weekly basis.

With the game on the line, one of the duo made a terrific carry on tackle four only to spill the pill. On the next set young Ashley Taylor nailed the field goal. The duo have been subjected to plenty of criticism throughout the season and a spell playing at North Sydney Oval in front of the same crowd size at the SFS beckons.

The explosive potential they showed in 2014 now seems light years away. South Sydney fans must feel anxious when either of the twins cart the ball forward, much in the same vein that Raiders fans peek between their fingers when Jack Wighton is under the high ball.

Spider Cam
Please explain to me the use of the Spider Cam. Channel Nine’s overuse of technology and giving the viewer a feel for the game was a total dud in Origin 1. The great late Kerry Packer would have demanded his driver take him to Homebush or fired up the chopper, to personally shove the arachnid camera up Joe the cameraman’s Khyber Pass!

We missed the near Queensland try from a Johnathan Thurston kick, and let’s face it, attacking highlights were at an all-time low. To top it off, though credibility is questionable given either Fatty Vautin or Gus Gould made the call, the “play of the night” from a James Maloney line drop out was also missed.

Considering the ratings for the game, save your technology test runs for City versus Country or Broncos Night Football clashes. The game was frustrating enough without the piss poor camera work in Game 1.

To the current head of Channel Nine, ponder this, would you expect Donald Trump to hand over his empire to either Travis, Trevor, Troy, Tristan, Tracy, Tremain, Trey or Trumper Trump, if he gains the US presidency? Or on a more personal level would you hand the reigns to your US cousin Richard if you took long service leave Mr Hugh Marks? I highly doubt it!

Newcastle Knights head of recruitment
On a final note, I read that Jack Stockwell is earning $325,000 this season at the Knights. I was sitting down when I read this, and still fell off my chair! Add Akuila Uate’s half a million salary for 2016, and it defies all logic which bean counter drew up these contracts.

Sure, Uate was in better form back when he signed the deal, but who in their right mind would pay that amount for a winger? I’m sure Matt Gidley commenced his tenure in 2013, so questions need to be asked and a few casualties definitely need to be facing the guillotine also known as the Chopping Block!

Look at the form of Joe Tapine for one, the loss of Tariq Sims and the likely departure of Robbie Rochow. Some serious questions need to be asked of the club which is fast turning into a complete and utter basket case.

So fellow league tragics, who made your skin crawl this weekend and why?