So, y’all might be thinking that the greatest TV show ever is Weekly Dose of Boobs and Beheadings (Game of Thrones). Well, take a seat, because I’ve got news for you.
The Olympic Games are by far superior. “But, they’re a sporting event, not a show…” I hear you say.
Psh. You don’t get a bigger show than the Olympics.
The pure genius of Rio ’16 is that it allows me – your run-of-the-mill sports nerd – access to an untold bounty of sports that I will instantly become an expert on.
Over the next two weeks I will watch a lot of Olympics. Coz, Straya, c-bombs. And holy euphemism will I become an instant expert on Canoe Slalom, Fencing, Judo, Handball, Rowing, Water Polo, Shooting, Trampoline, Wrestling, and a host of other sports I will not watch again until Tokyo 2020.
Last night, I was lying on the couch. I had three sports to choose from. As a hard’n’fast, down-the-line decision maker I did the obvious thing. I watched all three.
As a beer pong aficionado, I began with Table Tennis. Love the game, mediocre at it, yet still a master tactician. Is there a greater joy than watching a skilled exponent of the game make an error and softly tsk to oneself “Risky return there, should’ve gone cross-court”. I think not.
‘Straya’s player lost though, so as a patriotic observer, I was honour bound to banish the sport to the unwatched depths.
Chanced upon Beach Volleyball. Germany vs. Austria. Never played the sport. Mainly because I’m not 6’8, nor do I have the quads of a gazelle required to have a decent vertical leap. Did that stop me from telling the players on TV that they needed to position themselves better to combat the Germans superior serving game? Nah uh.
Alas, it was Men’s Beach Volleyball, so there were no most-definitely-still-sexist itty-bitty bikinis to catch my attention.
Finally we came to the pièce de résistance. Women’s 10 Metre Air Rifles.
It was late, and I was sleepy, so I couldn’t quite tell if they were laser guided, or if they shoot actual bullets. I myself have never shot anything more dangerous than a laser-tag rifle. Did that stop me from critiquing the stance of the Chinese silver-medalist Du Li? Have a guess.
I’m already an expert on cycling (thank-you Tour de France), so I was thoroughly vindicated when I wrote off Chris Froome’s chances. After all, with no Team Sky to rescue him on an absurdly difficult Olympic course he had no hope.
Before dozing off I threw in a few minutes of field hockey to keep me occupied. Did you know that you can’t play that game left-handed? In a world attempting to free itself from discrimination – and with me being a southpaw – I felt slightly conflicted watching.
‘Straya lost. Bloody Imperialist Great Britain side decided it’d exert it’s ‘founding fathers’ stance on us. Just as well it wasn’t a Gold Medal match.
Ah Olympics. Who doesn’t love them?
70s Mo
Guest
Nah. Athens Olympics were the worst. I kind of like how Brazil are cobbling things together as they go along. By the time the Olympics are over the venues should be just about ready. The rowers are just wusses. The road cycling on that highway to hell was great to watch
Smell the fear
Guest
Fuss?
Smell the fear
Guest
It is the greatest, so many more events and venues than a football tournament Smell the fear
Fox
Roar Guru
Who said I wasn't watching? Maybe you should take some of your own advice and read what I said -and sorry but yes the Soccer World Cup is the greatest show on earth and it has the global audience numbers to prove it - every other event is no even close - but yes it isn't perfect either but it has never been an organisational disaster and as morally bankrupt as Rio. Ironically they did a much better job of the World Cup Soccer - funny that huh?
Samuel Laffy
Roar Guru
Did you read the article, or just the head-line? My entire article talks about how brilliant the chance to watch 28 different sports is for a sports fan - and how absurd it is that most of those sports I won't watch for another 4 years until the Olympics are on again! Everyone knows the Olympics as a concept are mostly broken, but seeing as they are on, why not watch? It's sensational viewing - and some of the stories are dead-set inspirational. On a side note, you pick the FIFA World Cup as the standard for 'greatest show on Earth', but let's take a look at that shall we? South Africa 2010 World Cup - stadiums built that now stand unused at a cost of how much? The 2022 World Cup is going to be played in Doha, where people think players will die due to 50+ degree heat. Don't even get me started on FIFA corruption. But back to my original point, the Olympics are brilliant TV (which was my main point). If you don't watch that's fine!
Fox
Roar Guru
If its the greatest show on earth then why is it we have some of the worst crowd attendance ever? Some stadiums are almost empty and even the glamour event like swimming is not even one 3rd full- except of course the soccer stadiums and beach volleyball. Take out the athletes supporting their teammates in the stands and you would have barely anyone at most venues And their in lies the rub - the greatest show on earth and the biggest event by a country mile on the world sporting calendar is still, and always will be, the Soccer World Cup - that is the Greatest Show on Earth -so yes you do get bigger than the Olympics. The soccer World Cup has the largest global audience of any sporting event on the planet. Daylight is second! I like the Olympics - especially the Winter Olympics - but this one is the worst on record with little atmosphere at most events with the usual 3rd world and developing world,or broke country headaches like Greece, But this make Greece look positively brilliant by comparison. So this is the greatest show on earth is it? Bullets flying around into media tents Robberies of athletes and hotels, camera crews, and athletes villages and we aren't even hearing the ones for the touring fans coming out People removed from their homes by force in some cases to accommodate all the nonsense and where are all the nations being up in arms about that human rights violation? Kidnappings - 3 so far Dreadful security Cycling tracks collapsing and crowd seating being washed away. Bombs going off in stadiums before the start clearly showing how appalling the security is 83,000 security people we are told - then what the hell are they doing? A president that has been charged with corruption with several other politicians about to follow which is almost farcical in nation where logging companies and drug cartels own an estimated one third of the police and some documentaries makers have claimed half the government. I mean why the hell were they given the rights to host the games in first place Human waste in the waters where athletes compete where pollution is at unacceptable and dangerous levels. Swimmers treated for viruses after training in Olympic pool prior to the game kicking off. Facilities at some stadiums and accommodation not fully completed or completed with dreadful workmanship Human body part washing up on beaches The real and ever present danger of the incurable Zika virus The utterly disgraceful rowing venue that has water so choppy that competitors say they wouldn't even train in that but we can bet the soccer stadiums are perfect huh? And there is much much more not even being properly reported as the window dressing of the event is in full swing now the games have started by broadcasters who have a vested interest in promoting the event And then there is an opening ceremony whose budget was slashed in half by a city and country in financial crisis and free fall and it showed. It had its wonderful moments, but there were times when it drifted aimlessly as if filling in time through lack of funds. Dancers who were not even that professional missing the beat and out of sync - people climbing on blocks and it seemed like forever and went on and on and on so that lost its initial impact because it became laborious. Clearly parts had been dropped out due to financial mismanagement and clearly they were being filled by something that looked unprepared and just poor sods trying to fill in the gaps by extending what they could still afford to do. Even some of the performers looked lost at times as if their original routine had finished but now they had to fill to make up time for the budget holes I mean when was the last time you heard an Olympic city make an apology for the opening ceremony before it even begins? "Sorry we ran out of money but it will be lots of fun " That's a red flag right there. Like I say, it had its moments that were excellent but how long can we watch a supermodel walking forever it seemed across the stage. It was a relief when she got to the end and you could have relieved yourself as well and missed nothing it took that long. This is one of the worst prepared and most dreadfully organised, and poorly attended Olympics so far ( especially by locals) in history If this is your idea of the greatest show on earth then your standards are pretty low I have to say It may yet be one of the most farcical Olympic ever. The rowing is already about to be postponed because of the stupidity of the venue and the turbulence of the waters two terms that just about sum up Brazil. As one German Athlete proclaimed this week at the facilities " This is effing stupid" damn right!!! But as long as we win medals who cares right? I don't know maybe those people who were relocated - or in reality dislocated - from their homes to accommodate the so called Greatest Show on Earth huh