The Wrap: All Blacks' record win drowned in a sea of clowns

Halloween arrived a week early in Auckland. This imported, fish-out-of-water concept insidiously leached its way into antipodean society.

It came to the benefit of the sugar industry and seemingly little else, other than to provide numerous clowns to hijack the occasion of the All Blacks’ record 18th successive Test win.

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It was indeed a bad week for clowns, banned from a Halloween event in Moe – a town notorious for moccasins being the footwear of choice for locals and pig’s heads being thrown through windows.

Other clown bans were announced in places like Kemper County, Mississippi, Denver Zoo and even a British swinger’s club, the Paradise Spa in London, whose annual Halloween orgy invited “lusty couples to wear their sexy costumes”, but with one rider; “clown costumes not permitted.”

Even Hanover, Pennsylvania slapped a clown ban on their annual Halloween parade, upsetting Wayne Hoffman, aka ‘Huffy the Clown’, a 30-year veteran of the event who, upset at the “ridiculous” ban, lamented that “clown lives do matter.”

Huffy certainly described Michael Cheika’s demeanour after the Eden Park match, acknowledging that the Wallabies’ 10-37 loss was primarily due to turning over possession to the All Blacks at critical moments, before venturing off-piste into various matters unrelated to the game itself.

I attended his press conference after Bledisloe 1 in Sydney, the day the All Blacks’ bug story broke, and Cheika, quite understandably didn’t want to talk about it; “it’s nothing to do with us”, he made clear.

Yet here he was in Auckland, two months later, the matter forgotten by pretty much everyone, not only raising it again, but extrapolating it into an argument that the original incident was a device used by the All Blacks to disrespect his team.

Cheika and captain Stephen Moore then took aim at the New Zealand Herald’s depiction of him as a clown, but instead of firing their legitimate gripe at the relevant media organisation, somehow confused themselves into believing that this also reflected poorly on Steve Hansen and the All Blacks. Which really only served to provide the New Zealand Herald with a ‘truth defence’.

Perhaps Cheika might have been well served to select the Richie McCaw movie Chasing Great for the flight home, and ponder how McCaw and Hansen reacted to the Sydney Daily Telegraph front page immediately prior to last years’ World Cup final, depicting McCaw as a ‘Richetty Grub’, and noted the difference?

Obviously not, for on his arrival in Sydney Cheika was still swinging, guaranteeing headlines for all the wrong reasons. In a week where media focus on both sides of the Tasman centered on the acquittal of narcissistic Tinder merchant and all-round low-life, Gabriel Tostee, and ‘the Donald’ lurching from one PR disaster to the next, it takes a special effort to claim the front pages.

If Cheika is struggling with the meek New Zealand Herald he might want to think about what the UK tabloids are about to do with all the ammunition he is feeding them.

At least Cheika was sensible enough not to take the bait offered about Henry Speight’s ‘no try’ – at least publicly – although there were plenty of other clowns prepared to weigh in and make fools of themselves about it.

What was apparent was that Dane Haylett-Petty obstructed Julian Savea, impeding him from chasing Speight. It’s there but it’s soft and it’s technical, just like hundreds of other offences that occur in every match, which go unpenalised. TMO Shaun Veldsman seemed to go looking for a reason to deny the try, when really, at normal speed and using rugby instinct, this should have been play on.

But Fox Sports analyst and commentator Rod Kafer extrapolating this into referee Nigel Owens never being allowed to referee Test match rugby again was stupid, crass hyperbole. Further, Kafer and (after the match) Phil Kearns’ indignations that “if you are behind play you can do whatever you want”, were utter nonsense. Clownery of the highest order.

The trouble with this is that people, children included, watch the telecasts and are influenced by what supposedly experienced and learned men of the game have to say. I grew up as a young child firmly in the belief that whatever renowned Scottish commentator Bill McLaren or Winston McCarthy said was gospel.

In that respect there is simply no excuse for sheer ignorance of the laws being allowed to foster a victim mentality and disrespect for officialdom. Why not instead seek the surer ground of acknowledging a case for obstruction – however slight – then deeming it insufficient to have prevented the try? Which is precisely what the New Zealand commentary team did.

Auckland too is full of clowns. Idiots who, some years after the event, still find it in them to boo Quade Cooper. For what purpose exactly, other than to mark themselves as tools and embarrass and shame their own nation?

And no credit to the thousands of fickle JAFA’s who couldn’t find it in themselves to arrive 90 minutes earlier to watch the women’s Test. If they’d bothered to stop calculating how much their house had increased in value since last week and turned up, they would have been rewarded with an All Black’s ‘mini-me’ performance, the Black Ferns playing the style of game that is so distinctively New Zealand, full of pace and power.

The main event started off with familiar patterns – Barrett’s dodgy goal-kicking and the All Blacks offside in midfield. But as the first half unfolded the Wallabies revealed a far more cohesive and tactically aware approach than at any time this year, refusing to kick the ball anywhere near Ben Smith and, perhaps taking cue from Argentina in Hamilton, playing directly, punching into holes in behind the breakdown.

Bernard Foley was central to this attack, running flat and straight with purpose, and distributing nicely, but also allowed the opportunity because his pack was providing front foot ball; a rare luxury.

Other than for Israel Dagg’s opening try, the All Blacks were unable to retain possession and string phases together and seemingly became frustrated, bored even, by the four successive scrum resets that ultimately culminated in a try to Rory Arnold. This was not the type of rugby they had come to play.

Following that, despite TJ Perenara’s charge-down reply, this was a genuine 50/50 contest, Stephen Moore enjoying a great match and Lopeti Timani again suggesting that he belongs at this level. So when the Haylett-Petty/Savea incident occurred, it was perfectly reasonable to mark this as a ‘what if’ turning point, and a lucky break for New Zealand.

The final 20 minutes however, was all about the All Blacks that everyone had come to see, leaving no doubt where the respective sides sit in rugby’s pecking order. Suddenly the Savea bus of old was back in commission, Smith found some ball and Hansen relaxed enough to replace Matt Todd with Ardie Savea, Todd coming of age as an All Black with a wonderful all-round performance.

The real magic however came at the culmination of an extended passage of play, which saw at one point Dean Mumm striding for the New Zealand line after an intercept, only to be run down from behind and dispossessed by Dane Coles. After play had swung back and forth for a few more phases, Julian Savea made the incisive cut through Michael Hooper and, when he was stopped at the corner, it was Coles who was at his shoulder to accept the pop pass and finish.

So while the clowns had their day and stole oxygen away from what really mattered, it is this moment that I will take from the game. Superb involvement and pace from the hooker, and a passage of play typical of so many that have studded the All Blacks’ 18 wins.

That this winning sequence includes both a World Cup and the supposed rebuilding year that follows, is quite astonishing. If Ireland can reproduce their inspired 2013 performance then perhaps there is a chance of this run being nipped, otherwise who knows where it will end?

The clowns were out in force in Sydney last week too, Eastwood Club President Brett Papworth and a cohort of not so merry men taking aim at the ARU, timing the release of a series of incendiary emails to coincide with the final of the NRC in Tamworth.

While it is doubtful that rugby folk in boot-scooting country would be persuaded by a Sydney club-man like Papworth to boycott the event – and indeed there was a prominent, pro-NRC banner on display at the ground – one imagines members of the Shute Shield mafia taking delight at the poor roll-up for the final.

Once allowance is made for the family and friends of NSW Country captain Paddy Ryan – a Tamworth local – it must be said that this was a pitiful crowd, and a sorry end to what has been a wholly worthy and enjoyable competition.

ARU Director of High Performance Rugby Ben Whitaker was in attendance, and no doubt he will have been quizzing locals as to the reasons why, particularly because NSW Country playing in Tamworth is hardly a manufactured concept or a new corporate-style team being imposed on faithful traditionalists, with NSW Country’s first match being in 1903 against the touring All Blacks.

Whitaker is happy that the competition is making noticeable progress, step by step, year by year. Next year’s step must surely be to find a way to connect with rugby fans – directly and through state unions, Super Rugby franchises and clubs – and entice them to actually watch.

The NRC has the quality of players and the style of rugby that will reward fans, if only they are prepared to allow it.

Ryan, for his part, had a storming match, beautifully understating things afterwards when saying, “that was a tough game of footy.” It was, but unfortunately for him and the top-seeded Country, they were on the wrong side of the result, losing 20-16 to a deserving Perth Spirit, who had to cross the continent twice in one week to win it.

Melbourne Rising coach Zane Hilton last week described the NRC to me as being “a stand alone game”, distinctly different in nature and tactics to ‘normal’ rugby. Ironically, this final was unlike any other match from this season’s rounds, and exactly like a ‘normal’ rugby game; which clearly suited Perth’s attritional style.

With Country dominating possession and territory in the second half, it was Perth’s old-fashioned grunt in defence which got them home, on top of a stronger set-piece. Flanker Richard Hardwick was a stand-out man of the match, a Matt Hodgson clone at the tackle and around the breakdown; although Country No.6 Sam Figg wasn’t far behind him.

Figg is surely crying out for a full Super Rugby contract; if it comes with the Western Force that will be ironic. If he misses out, then we can only deduce that Super Rugby too is full of clowns.