Something struck me this weekend, as I sat, eyes flitting back and forth lazily like summer flies, from the oddly hypnotic bags under Ned Zelic’s eyes, to the airbrushed part in Mark Bosnich’s smoothed-down assemblage of gossamer scalp fibres he calls hair.
Like a limp slap from a stubbly Uruguayan, I was roused suddenly by the thought; this is all a bit much, isn’t it?
Jade North and the Brisbane Roar came out yesterday, issuing a joint statement like some adulterous politician and his stoic peroxide wife, apologising for the defender’s actions in the match against Melbourne City this weekend.
In case you aren’t already aware, in that match a brief scuffle between North and City’s Bruno Fornaroli ended in North writhing around on the floor in agony. What could Fornaroli have done, you might ask, to cause such grievous harm?
Perhaps he had reached in and plucked out one of North’s teeth? Perhaps he had gouged an eye, karate-chopped a trachea, or fish-hooked a cheek? He might even, heaven forbid, have moistened a finger and inflicted a dreaded wet-willy!
No, he’d lightly brushed his fingers over North’s head, a half-slap, more of a caress that slipped almost lovingly down the Roar defender’s face. At this point, with such a heady cocktail of available options, North had to make a decision. Before him, jutting out his chin and backing away slowly was the league’s best player, the most fouled attacker in the competition, who himself has very little aversion to a spot of embellishment, often following what was clearly a glancing blow off an armoured shin with a reaction that would more suit a David Cronenberg death scene, or a Evangelical exorcism.
Perhaps, North thought, he had seen him do just that earlier in this very game, screaming too loud at too little contact, flying too far from too little a nudge. Yes, yes, North concluded, this is the sort of player I hate, that makes my job so very hard, and, joy of joys, he’s just touched my face in a naughty way. Oh my, this is rich; I’ll give him a taste of his own medicine. Down I go!
Unfortunately for North, the referee didn’t see Fornaroli’s hand. Even worse, his entire inner monologue was captured in perfect slow-motion clarity by the cameras, the clanking of his cerebral gears, the brief turn toward the referee before the agonised collapse, every embarrassment was recorded.
The final indignity exacted was that, as the ball was still actually in play, Melbourne City promptly went and scored their equaliser. It was, both personally and professionally for North, a car crash of a sequence.
But, let’s hasten to add, not something that warrants the fallout that has followed. Yes, North’s acting was awful, and the intent behind his histrionics was indeed distasteful. But the manner in which he has been scorned, as words like disgraceful and appalling are bandied about casually, betrays a certain anxiety Australian football holds.
Firstly, very few people have mentioned that touching another person’s face, however lightly, is not something a footballer should do. As much as North’s farcical response has drowned it out, Fornaroli’s action is also worthy of a tut or two.
But more pertinently, this sort of incident is commonplace in football leagues around the world, and would not linger in the headlines – let alone warrant a club statement – in Europe or South America, even in England. But here, surrounded as it is by other more established sporting codes that revel in their concussive combat and sneer at football’s comparatively limited contact, our game and the voices in it have developed something of a complex.
A siege mentality, developed over years having to defend ourselves from bigoted ‘poofter-ball’ cat-callers has made us even more critical of the players inside the citadel who let the team down, gurning and parping until red in the face just to prove to everyone that we hate it even more than they do.
A friend of mine said he had been watching the match – which ended 1-1 – with a troop of his AFL-loving chums. Knowing looks were exchanged as North crumpled, and a deep blush spread across my pal’s face.
Of course this particular incident has been intensified, because North’s play-acting caused his teammates to stop defending – which, in truth, isn’t really his fault – as City waltzed through to score.
The fact it involved Fornaroli also has spiced the issue. Make no mistake, if retroactive yellow cards were possible, North would fully deserve one. But it all seems a little hysterical, especially when John van’t Schip is heard pouring scorn on North, accusing him of trying to get Fornaroli sent off, when in week four of this season, against Adelaide, Neil Kilkenny did this. The difference between the two situations is minimal, one could argue, as hypocrisy rises like a choking mist.
Is North’s acting as worthy of contempt as, say, this Brendon Santalab tackle, or any other act with bone-snapping intent? Or are we reeling from it as a sort of culturally imposed reflex, assuring our bigger, more muscular cousins that we’re not the wimps they think we are.
MattCracka
Guest
I think Fadida has hit on a good point here. Diving is viewed as cheating and I think it is a blight on the game. I don't like faking in any sport, but it is particularly rife in soccer. It is a cultural issue within the game that causes devotees shame and embarrassment, so much so that it is rarely spoken about overtly by commentators. But to me, this is where the change needs to begin. Call this behavior out, make it culturally unacceptable within the game and the sport will be improved. Is there anyone out there that doesn't think the game would be better with less diving? I loved the way the Asian Cup was officiated last year. The diving wasn't rewarded (remember Cahill's goal?) and the games were much better spectacles because of this approach.
rasty
Guest
Very sad. There are countless to be found. Just need to get on with it the fairies.
I hate pies
Guest
This article isn't about tanking in the AFL. That's irrelevant to this conversation.
I hate pies
Guest
Too many assumptions there punter. I follow lots of sports, including soccer, cricket, aussie rules, hockey even a little bit of rugby. Oh, and I don't live in Melbourne. You blokes should try addressing the issue instead of assuming everyone who has any criticism of soccer is an insular footy man Melbournian. Maybe its you blokes that need to get out a bit more?
marron
Guest
Jade north eat your heart out https://youtu.be/5rVSDv8eZKA
Amazon
Roar Rookie
F Your comments are hardly a justification for diving - whats your point? In cricket its an appeal!............. allowing the umpire to adjudicate the decision. I would not call that cheating
punter
Guest
Diving is a blight in football there is no doubt!!! But you follow a sport that only has 1 culture & maybe a few others that has a few similar cultures. There is no doubt that in cricket we seem to have more issues against cultures that are totally alien to ours like Sri Lanka (Murali) India (too many to mention) & Pakistan. As mentioned previously, Indians gets offended by sledging about other peoples wives, but have no issues with cheating.. You need to get out of Melbourne more often. In the movie the untouchables, Sean Connery says 'typical Italians, brings a knife to a gun fight, just before being shot dead by an unseen assassin. Diving is a blight on football no-one is denying that.
I hate pies
Guest
Bollocks. I'm not the one fighting for the old country. There's the old soccer chip on the shoulder again.
I hate pies
Guest
Touched a nerve didn't I. You wouldn't need to be so defensive if you knew that diving wasn't a blight on soccer.
Evan Askew
Guest
I was pissed off that North cost us a goal. I don't really give a sh(( if someone dives. I admire the trickery. I worship Odin the all father and he would approve of such trickery, what eh would not suffer is poorly executed trickery and that is what pissed me off. Let the NRL, Union, AFL and cricket fans howl at the immorality of it all like their sports with underarm, chocolate starfish finger banging and boooing of indigenous sportsmen are perfect. For me diving is like rebelling against the throne, you win or you die.
Professor Rosseforp
Guest
I used to have the attitude that diving is cheating, but in the modern game, the diver is usually (not always) reacting to an illegality to let the opponent and the referee know that his play is being restricted illegally. If you don't go down when a player tugs your shirt, you have allowed the opponent to cheat you. You are asking the referee to intervene in foul play. It's not a matter of "manliness" -- we see Aussie Rules players and League players diving in every game. In soccer today, we see league-style tackling, and the referees do not intervene. All forwards are essentially playing backwards now, to avoid being fouled. A defender who holds a shirt, grabs an opponent's waist with 2 hands and flicks him off-balance, would have been sent off when I first played the game (not long after Adam, admittedly). Now a player can pull an opponent down in the penalty area, pretend to fall, put his hands on the ball to prevent the attackers from getting the ball (but pretend he has accidentally fallen on the ball), and the referee is likely to give the guilty party a free kick rather than a red card. Now I see why players dive.
northerner
Guest
Now that's an interesting comment. I've certainly never regarded the cricket shenanigans as "manly" - I've just always thought it was gamesmanship. Cheating, or more, attempted cheating, since it seldom works. Diving isn't effeminate, either - cheating, definitely, since it quite often works. But effeminate? I reckon the women's rugby 7s are tougher than either appealing cricketers or diving footballers. Let's find another word to describe their behaviour.
marron
Guest
To be fair, I think what that one is supposed to mean is, "they were close to the action and possibly saw that it was a fair tackle". Of course that doesn't stop commentators using lazy cliches and changing their meaning.
marron
Guest
No there's no tanking. I mean, people get sacked for it, but there actually isn't any. There's no diving either. Only staging. Completely different. Totally different.
Lionheart
Guest
another one of course, is when the commentators say 'oh I don't think it was a pen because the players didn't react at all'. It's like, let's referee this match on the body language of the players.
Lionheart
Guest
All good punter, but still no reason why Kilkenny's was overlooked. I read somewhere a City fan wrote, oh but Kilkenny should have been penalised and the club should have apologised. They weren't and didn't, and let's not forget there has been barely a whisper about Fornaroli's action. To be honest, the ongoing talk, and demands, has been all driven by Roar fans. City fans didn't demand anything from their club at the time.
Lionheart
Guest
he preferred shirt lifting no no, I'm only kidding
Waz
Guest
The picture that comes to my mind with a North slap-back is a moment frozen in time where neither can believe what just happened, they then both fall to ground as the impact of the "snipers Buller" is realised, rolling around the now bemused referee is unsure whether to nominate them both for an oscar or not. Pure theatre.
pauly
Guest
You didn't like shirt tugging, so you switched to Aussie Rules??? Please explain.
pauly
Guest