They’ve traded excitement and suspense for mundane certainty, their quarterback is the most enviable man on the planet, and their coach is less likeable than Donald Trump – someone of whom both coach and quarterback seem a little too fond.
Throw in the allegations of cheating, and the New England Patriots have no peer in American sport when it comes to inspiring hatred.
They’re mainly unlikable because they make excellence so bland and incessant. Every year they do the same thing (how many could clearly define the specific differences between the 2013, ’14, ’15 and ’16 Pats?). The offence is immaculate, but rarely explosive, and the defence makes just enough plays.
The one time in the past decade that the Patriots had an iconic team – the 2007 offensive drop-the-world squad – they were tainted by Spygate, running up the score, and ‘18-1′.
Success is the surest avenue towards envy and antipathy, and the Patriots, assisted by their fatigue-inducing brilliance, Bill Belichick’s frostiness and condescension, and a bevvy of controversies and pseudo-controversies, have become the biggest villains in the NFL. Their heel turn is a shame too, because once you take off the prescription lenses of contempt, clear eyes see the beauty that the Pats put out on the field every week.
The 36-17 beat-down of the Steelers was quintessential New England. The Patriots, as they so often do, looked like the kid who walks into the exam knowing that there’s no question that he hasn’t studied for, in the process making Pittsburgh look like they’d downed 12 vodka cranberries in the carpark before the game.
A match that seemed destined for greatness was rendered uninteresting by the start of the second half – another common theme in Patriot games, and perhaps a reason why they’re so easy to despise.
New England’s casual brilliance was filled with bite-sized bliss. On the first touchdown drive, Tom Brady twice found Chris Hogan (who?) for game-changing gains through minor works of art. On the first play, he audibled at the line to split the receivers out wide, and then – as if the audible and the throw were a singular, perfect, unending moment – he found an open Hogan deep left for 26 yards to enter Steelers territory.
Then on third down, Brady calmly danced around the pocket, listening to Mozart while everyone else listened to the worst of Nickelback, before finding Hogan open in the end zone, caressing the ball to him with a deftness that winked at inevitability.
They were two plays that epitomised who Brady has become, and what has made him so transcendent – he’s an air traffic controller and a scientist with a knife, someone who processes complex information with alien serenity, and then delivers the blow, at the same time somehow both slowly and swiftly. While Aaron Rodgers is a football demon, Tom Brady has only ever been God.
He remains the sun which the Patriots orbit around. Everything remarkable that happened against the Steelers – Hogan’s star turn, Legarrette Blount’s Marshawn Lynch costume looking more like skin, the swallowing up of Antonio Brown into a black hole of red, white and blue – emanated from Brady. His presence allows everyone on the offence to thrive and gives his defence supreme confidence and rare strategic liberties.
By the end of it all, Pittsburgh were a broken team. Without Le’Veon Bell they had no chance, and the way the game played out, they were a list of times tables for a Patriots team that had mastered calculus. The indifference with which Eric Rowe caught Ben Roethlisberger’s fourth quarter interception and nonchalantly returned it 37 yards spoke volumes. There’s no need to celebrate, or even animate, when you’re a 23-year-old who’s just beaten a nine-year-old in an arm wrestle.
The Falcons will be a real test, maybe the biggest offensive test that Belichick has encountered since his first Super Bowl, against The Greatest Show on Turf. Matt Ryan and Julio Jones are leading the sequel to that show, and the public, obsessed with sequels, will surely be behind them.
New England start favourites, though, and rightfully so. They’re not as explosive or as overtly dominant as the Falcons – they’re just the best.
The defence is flawed, but somehow empowered, almost like Alex Ferguson’s United teams that always scored in the final five minutes – they just seem to make plays, like the goal-line stand that broke Pittsburgh’s spirit late in the second quarter.
And the offence, while lacking the Julio Jones ‘oh my God did a real life man just do that’ element sans Rob Gronkowski, is unstoppable in its own way.
The stage is set for two breathtaking forces. And if the Patriots prevail, which they probably will – because ‘life’ – save your breath, savour their brilliance, and don’t yell or look back in anger, even if you think that their brains might have gone to their head.
Mushi
Guest
I hate the pats but love that they're in the superbowl. If the broncos can't win it then I'd rather my scond team, who ever is playing the pats, have a shot (though I'll admit I was hoping for a simpsons style mini golf draw with the seahawks...)
Mushi
Guest
I'd say also that part of it is also the ability to get value form free agents. It is part of the cap which is often forgotten. People talk about the cap equalising and forcing teams to be broken up but bad teams generally over pay to get marquee players to sign from good teams which means the on field value of their team is less than the dolalr vlaue. The good teams then get to take the contirbutors form bad and middle teams at an under paid level giving them more resources to keep select players on board. Bill is the master of this and it means he always has a little more at his disposal than his peers.
SAVAGE
Guest
Success breeds contempt doesn't it? I've never liked NE, but, when you look at what they have done from top management down, you've got to admire and respect that. In a professional sports league like the NFL where everything is studied and analyzed by the opposition, and by competing sports in a market saturated by sport, these guys have been at the top of the NFL, in the most watched sports competition in the US for over a decade. That is no easy feat, neither is it a fluke. Good luck to them this weekend But.....Go the Falcons.
Mushi
Guest
And likewise non pats fans don't really care what the view is like from the deathstar!
andrew
Guest
La Cheeserie!
Real Mister Football
Roar Rookie
Why do so many people in Australia hate Gridiron. Everyone at my work place can't stand it. They can't get over the fact they throw the ball instead of kick it......one guy even said "why don't they just use a tennis ball and throw that, it would be so much easier" Anyway, go Falcons, sick of the Patriots and T.B.
jeff dustby
Guest
oh dear, you are back again. do you have some Trump alert that brings you here to tr*ll? if you check the stats by all sources he is the most unpopular in the history of the USA
cassowarrior
Guest
Get a life.
Pat
Roar Rookie
Might be my proximity to Ohio, but Bengals fans might have a claim on that patent.
Davico
Roar Pro
Your boys have not caught the Steelers record yet!!! Either in SB's in a row or Total! Unfortunately for me I started following the Bears in the 80's and I cannot see us coming anywhere close in thr next 5 years!!! I am biased though as backed the Falcons to win it all about 8 weeks ago. Cmon Iceman
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
Come on, surely we hold the copyright? ?
Davico
Roar Pro
A Pats fan that is tired of another teams fans gloating??? That's a bit rich
Rossy
Guest
That's alright, Pats fans still couldn't care less and enjoy the playoffs every season.
Rossy
Guest
It would work if the workplace constantly exceeded goals and as a result was recognised and awarded and received bonuses! With the success comes the respect to listen to him
Rossy
Guest
It's an interesting argument, but the system constantly changes? He plays a different style every couple of years based on personal, and adapts almost constantly. I would say that is what makes him so good, he is more than a rigid system coach
Mark
Guest
I still hate the Patriots with the burning intensity of one thousand suns.
Anindya Dutta
Roar Guru
Simply superb Jay! Really enjoyed reading the piece. I have loved and followed the Pats for 25-years from the time I was first introduced to American Football as a student in Boston. Their current run of success has been nothing short of remarkable for any sporting team. Belichek and Brady must both be given credit for this. I can't wait for the Falcons fans to shed tears of disappointment. A bit tired of their gloating so far this season I must say!
Tom
Guest
I disagree that their defence is flawed - they just play a different style to everyone else. While most teams are concerned about total yardage, the Patriots scheme hardly ever allows big plays, and focuses on turning the ball over instead. Branch, Brown and Valentine up front stuff the run, forcing teams to throw, where they double team the best receiver and leave Butler to win one-on-one with the number 2. Their D forces most teams to be patient, and that's why they had the fewest points against all year.
andrew
Guest
I have been a Boston sports fan since Bird, so the Pats have always been my team and one of the few teams I have ever supported where every time they play, you expect them to win and it is disappointing when they don't. There are no good losses as a Pats fan. As much as i enjoy a good Cinderella story or underdog, i also love watching the best be the best. its like watching Federer. it is so clinical and masterful. Bellicheck's "do your job" ethos, wouldn't cut it in most work places. The employees would eventually say screw you - but he makes it work. And Brady could easily be an outcast in his own clubhouse given the difference in notoriety and the size of his house in Brookline. But the affection with which they talk about him and vice versa makes you realise the respect they all have for one another. On the podium last week in the press conference after the game he stood and rattled off the names (most as nick names) of everyone on the offence. You expect him to miss someone, people always do when saying thank you's, but he got them all - and its that sort of attention to detail I guess and respect that he gives his team mates that helps make them tick. that have been the dominant
Tyrell Gains
Guest
Reference to Trump is pretty random (although I understand the Kraft/Belichick/Brady context). If he's so unlikable how did he become the President?