Since Ireland upset England on Saturday and halted their winning sequence at 18 – just as they did to the All Blacks in November – there has been a lot of appendage swinging as to whose record is the most worthy.
Illustrated by the growing numbers of people who flock to T20 at the expense of Test cricket, the modern way is to disregard a draw as a valid outcome. Leaving things at 18-18 and calling it quits clearly isn’t enough for many fans.
So to cater for them, I thought it worthy of further exploration, and application of rigorous quantitative analysis, to settle the matter.
The record books now show that England and New Zealand both achieved 18 consecutive Test victories, but whose achievement is superior?
Numerous people (mostly helpful New Zealanders) have already run the numbers on the total number of points scored, tries scored, the rankings of the opposition at the time of playing them and so on, and drawn conclusions.
As it happens, New Zealand comes out on top in all of those, but I’d suggest these criteria are essentially nothing more than meaningless minutiae, and another example of how statistics can be twisted to suit any argument. After all, if Ron Jeremy was a half inch shorter, would that make him any less of an artiste?
No, there are other reasons why New Zealand’s record is superior.
1. England played Australia four times last year
New Zealand never cynically picks off easy games against second-tier nations like that, artificially inflating their win tally.
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2. England plays in the Northern Hemisphere
Let’s face it, rugby is naff in the Northern Hemisphere.
A few weeks ago I saw England beat Wales at Cardiff. People went on and on about the atmosphere but really, what’s a few Taffs getting some ink into them and thinking they’re all Tom bloody Jones?
New Zealand’s got Dave Dobbyn anyhow.
And while we’re at it, what’s with the goat? Where I grew up you could get arrested for that, or at least be forced to pursue the relationship behind closed doors. I guess that’s what happens when your sheep aren’t attractive enough and you’re forced to cast the net wider in the animal kingdom.
Cardiff and Twickenham? Give me Forsyth Barr and the atmosphere in ‘the Zoo’ any day. That’s five and a half years of history right there.
3. Which England players would make the All Blacks?
Some Speights drinkers might say none, but that would be churlish and unfair.
There are actually two: Dylan Hartley and Ben Te’o. One born in Rotorua, the other in Auckland, but I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions about that coincidence.
Actually, Temaina Harrison would make the All Blacks bench as well. The fact that’s he’s recently slipped off England’s radar just shows how little idea they have.
4. Kiwi smugness
England fans were recently surveyed as to what is the biggest issue that concerns them in rugby today. The winner, by the length of a Lancashire dole queue, was New Zealand fans’ smugness and lack of humility.
This is typically ignorant drivel from a nation of people who, until now, haven’t known what it’s like to support a team that wins almost all of the time.
The fact is, every kid in New Zealand is indoctrinated in rugby at an early age, and this is what provides the All Blacks with their winning edge. It used to be primary school, but in order to stay ahead of other improving nations, the basics are now taught in kindergartens and childcare centres.
Nobody misses out. If you can’t run like Beauden Barrett or step like Nehe Milner-Skudder by the time you’re six, you still get taught all of the intricacies of the game anyway, so that by the time you’re old enough to go on the internet and join rugby forums, you can assist people from all around the world and teach them about winning rugby.
5. Steve Hansen is a better bloke than Eddie Jones
I mean, have you ever seen Hansen demean himself on the cover of a national daily newspaper dressed up as a clown?
Last week, Hansen not only publicly acknowledged Jones’ and England’s achievement but cleverly made it appear genuine. If you think that’s an easy thing to do, watch the next Miss Universe pageant for how genuinely delighted the runners up are for the winner. Beaming in sheer happiness for that skanky cow.
Hansen, of course, is the genius innovator who, in a previous life as coach of Wales, conspired to tap into the French team’s match day communications system to gain a tactical advantage by learning of their in-match tactics and substitutions. All went swimmingly, the messages came through to the Wales box, but alas, the flaw in his cunning plan was soon exposed – none of the Wales coaching team could understand French. (Reference courtesy of Nick Bishop and Alun Carter’s excellent 2008 book Seeing Red.)
No question, Shag deserves every one of his 18 wins. He even had to gain some of them without Richie McCaw; that’s like coaching with one hand tied behind your back.
By contrast, Eddie’s best win didn’t even come as England coach, but instead for Japan, against South Africa at the 2015 World Cup. And how many consecutive wins flowed from that? SFA, that’s how many.
Let’s face it, even Allister Coetzee gets the odd win every now and again.
I’ll admit, my first thought was to extend a hand to England to congratulate them on their achievement, but on second thoughts, they’ve got 12 times the population and a squillion times more money.
A fair equivalent would be more like 36 wins and, let’s be honest, they’re nowhere near good enough for that.
Jibba Jabba
Roar Guru
TICK ....
Kirky
Roar Rookie
Muzzo! You got it ehoa' at least in New Zealand the Kiwi sheep are white not pink or brown and they don't have ribs showing as per the Aussie breed!
Sydney Potae
Roar Rookie
who is the world cup holder? who is the only team ever to hold the cup 3 times ? who is the worlds best team the real and only number one team in the world THE MIGHTY ALL BLACKS
Eric Willis
Roar Rookie
Did you miss the part they are not the record holders, they failed to break the record held by NZ.
JimmyB
Guest
Nice one Taylorman. Unfortunately, there was a sad inevitability to it but London has been through much worse and carried on regardless.
taylorman
Guest
While we are entertaining the satirical view...flashing across the BBC news at the moment... 'Major shake up suggests Dinosaurs may have UK origins' ? Well why doesn't that surprise! On a more serious note commiserations to those lost in the attack this morning. The biggest cities continuing to be used for the wrong reasons.
richard
Guest
Agreed - on all points.
Coconut
Guest
And apologies if that all came across as smug or arrogant - I did not mean it that way. I think the effort by the English in turning their ship around after the debacle of the 2015 RWC is extremely impressive - makes me wonder what the actual problem was, since it doesn't appear to have been based on ability... I do think that trying to win a RWC in your own backyard these days is a real challenge in terms of the public pressure of expectation (the 2011 RWC final comes to mind) - so maybe that was more of a factor.
Coconut
Guest
Whakaata I don't give a rats ass about that consecutive wins thing. The only reason I am vaguely pleased that the Irish stopped the English from owning the so called 'record' outright was that for me it might have taken the gloss off the 2015-2016 year for the All Blacks - who surely have to be classed as one of the best teams to ever don the black jersey, if not in the history of the game. Their run came through the RWC, which is what made it a rather special statistic - even though I don't attach too much weight to it as a record, because of the reasons espoused by others here. What I care about most is maintaining or improving the win/loss ratio against all other major teams and continuing to build the legacy.. I care about this even more than the RWC 'knockout' competition, although it is good to have righted that wrong and eliminated any further discussions about choking, only winning on home soil etc etc ad nauseam. The back to back winning of the World Cup, at home and away, silences most critics I think, so if the Poms want to make something out of the 18 win streak, as an equal with the All Blacks, then so be it - I don't begrudge them that - but I for sure know who the better team is right now, and its the one currently holding the RWC.
Ken Catchpole's Other Leg
Guest
Agree Rchard, the final paragraph of point 4 is so funny because it is so true. And to the writer's credit he notices it from the inside of the culture (though he may have been enlightened by a few helpful shackle dragger mates over the years). Anyway i hope this piece puts an end to the 'appendage swinging' about the number 18, so we can all talk about rugby again. Bring on the Lions.
taylorman
Guest
Looks like Sir Clive Woodward can't make his mind up... 10 March...'Make no mistake this is a great England side with the rugby world at their feet' 21 March...'England were lucky not to finish third or fourth and their mystique has been smashed, according to Rugby World Cup winning coach Sir Clive Woodward' Will the real SCW please stand up? ?
JimmyB
Guest
Congratulations, your prize is in the post.
JimmyB
Guest
I know you struggle with reading comprehension Kirky, but try again. Rafun is clearly not a Pom just another one of your countrymen.
Loftus
Guest
England didn t even play the no1 side in the world and World champs once for their record. The only Southern Hemisphere team that they played away from home, was a very poor Australia. Their record is flawed and not even worty of an article imo.
Muzzo
Roar Rookie
As they say OB, listen to your missus, as they are always right.......... or so they think they are, especially with mine being a Chiefs supporter, from the BOP. Mate the Land of Oz, is a great place, for retiring in, as I know so many of our fellow Bro's, doing just that. As they say, nobody can take the black, out of an All Black fan. hahaha. Cheers
Muzzo
Roar Rookie
Yep Highlander, your pretty right there mate, as I have been living on the West Island now since the very late 70's, & still loving it. Well they reckon I'm part of the furniture now mate, as I moved with the whanau, At present I have a couple of the Mokopuna's living with us, so all I get when picking them up from school is Koro this & Koro that. Good though, as the oldest has taken up Touch, & she's loving it. But apart from that bro, I'm still an avid Landers fan, & hopefully Brownie will get our season back on track. I'll take your advice, & check out these BottleO's & liquor outlets to see if I can purchase some of my weaning brew, as in truth I'm a long way from Melbourne.. Cheers.
Muzzo
Roar Rookie
Hi Ya Kirky, long time no hear from Ehoa!! lol. Yep before paddling across the ditch, & side stepping the border control>>>>> hold on, it wasn't called that back then,,,,,,,,, Well anyway, on arrival, I was a big fan of the Toohey's Old, which I can tell you was a dam sight better than the swamp water Waikato draught that we used to drink around the Turangi & Taupo area/s back in the day. Sorry OB if I have offended you Cheifs supporters, with the swamp water, tag, but honestly it was. lol. It would be something that I would be advising my Moko's to shout to their best enemies. Anyway Kirky, mate, you can support the Wallabies, whilst I will still support the men In Black, Even nowadays, I have changed my slops, drinking different types of choice beverages, from time to time. After all, they reckon a change is just as good as a holiday. Cheers
Dwards
Roar Rookie
Gold.
Dwards
Roar Rookie
All these mixed emotions. Eddie being turfed. But then Eddie coming back to Oz. The highs and the lows of being an Australian Rugby Supporter.
Very nicely done Geoff, excellent read