The team Australia should really take to Bangladesh

With the Australian Cricket Team knocked out of the Champions Trophy by the ‘New South Africa’ (otherwise known as England) and the players facing unemployment at the end of the month, Cricket Australia is going to need to find 11 players that are not contracted at national or state level to send to Bangladesh.

While there are possibly hundreds of capable club cricketers out there, few would want to tarnish their reputations within the cricketing brotherhood by breaking the picket lines. I’d wager the nickname ‘scab’ would be hard to lose.

Given these restrictions, I’ve actually proven that LinkedIn does have value by identifying the following squad:

Jason Gillespie
May have some conflicts as he does coach for Australia in some formats, some of the time. Still, has excellent form in Bangladesh, making a double hundred in his last Test there. It was, in fact, his last Test anywhere.

A lock for opening the batting.

Mark Cosgrove
Continuing the South Australian tradition, the ‘People’s Prince’ would be an ideal fit to open the batting with Dizzy.

Cosgrove’s talent with the bat or near the buffet have never been in question and his experience and temperament suiting a long dinner or innings will be needed.

Waleed Aly (c)
A bit of a left-field pick, but Aly seems to be one of those annoying people who are good at everything, and he has spoken about his own cricketing ability before, which makes me think he must be okay.

Aly will also be looking for a new gig given that Channel Ten is going into administration, so will be hungry for runs and a potential career in the commentary box afterwards.

Can you imagine the banter between him and Warney? Amazing.

Alex Keath
For the uninitiated, Keath was picked to play for the Gold Coast Suns in the AFL before deciding on a cricketing career instead. With choices like that at a young age, it must really distort your view of the world as you get older.

Kind of like going to the moon on holidays one year, then Altona the next.

Cricket didn’t work for Keath and he has since gone back to trying to crack the AFL again.

A handy all-rounder with seven first-class games under his belt and being seemingly the only member of the squad under the age of 40, Keath will be needed to bowl most of the overs and do most of the fielding.

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James Brayshaw
President of North Melbourne Football Club, cricket commentator and former first-class cricketer, Brayshaw comes from good sporting stock.

He is also the only (former) member of the Channel Nine commentary team not to have played a Test, or look like playing one, so this gives him the chance to prove himself or be humiliated on the world stage – as opposed to just the national one.

I’m tipping the latter.

George Calombaris
The nuggetty little chef from Melbourne is not known to have any cricketing pedigree, but he does have a lot of opinions and a hard work ethic, which seems to help middle-order batsmen.

He is also a fan of underpaying staff, so should feel right at home in Bangladesh.

Darren Berry (wk)
Occasionally and strangely referred to as a cricketing legend, Berry has spent his post-playing career as a relatively successful coach and opinionated columnist.

I once lost a bet because I thought Berry had played one Test on an Ashes tour when Ian Healy was injured, but it turns out I was wrong. If nothing else, this will give me a chance in future.

Kerry O’Keefe
Being the sub-continent, spin is going to be needed and there is almost no-one that knows more about spin than ‘Skull’. A regular feature in the ABC and Triple M commentary box over the last few years, O’Keefe brings entertaining insight to the game and will be good for morale.

He is also probably still less inclined toward embarrassing public spectacles than his namesake, Stephen.

Jonathon Brown
Another AFL connection, Brown won three premierships with the Brisbane Lions over a long and respected career.

He once bowled Ricky Ponting out on The Footy Show, so that’s probably enough to earn selection.

Ben Hilfenhaus
Like Cosgrove, a potentially contentious selection in that he is still playing BBL cricket, so may not be able to qualify.

If he is, though, it will be romanticism all-around as the ‘Power Haus’ will look to break the 99 Test-wicket barrier he has been sitting on since 2012.

Paul Reiffel
Former Australian and Victorian fast bowler Reiffel played 35 Tests for Australia, taking 104 wickets at 26.

Reiffel has spent the last few years as an international umpire, so is well accustomed to the conditions in Bangladesh and knows the rules really well, which may come in useful with Brayshaw in the team.