Billy Slater's retirement decision stuck inside locked phone

Accused retiree Billy Slater claims his phone holds key evidence about his playing future, but he can’t remember the password.

Speculation on the champion fullback’s plans for 2018 have been rife in recent times, with debate bubbling ever since he was caught in possession of an old age.

With Melbourne’s greatness again on trial this Sunday night, talk of the 34 year old’s retirement has now reached fever pitch for the simple reason he’s getting too old for this shit.

Some experts have made the unilateral and fact-free declaration that Slater will pull the plug, despite the speedster’s last transgression coming in 2008 when he couriered 15kgs of World Cup trophy to Benji Marshall.

Most are certain the rep star will be unable resist departing on the big stage due to genuine “football reasons” such as it being “the right time” and “nice.”

Speaking from the exercise yard at the Storm compound, Slater refused to fuel speculation on his future, but did admit the answers lied inside an electronic device that wasn’t Cooper Cronk.

However, as much as he itched to reveal his plans to the throng of persistent and ravenous media camping on his backside for an answer, he could not recall the highly-encrypted four digit security code he updated yesterday.

“It’s true, I’ve forgotten. I haven’t used it since Cameron Smith’s last milestone,” he conceded.

“How am I supposed to remember a PIN? I can’t even recall the breathtaking individual try I scored from a double chip-and-chase in 2004 that launched my Origin career and brought so much happiness to the people.

“Heck, I can’t even remember going back-to-back as Australia’s Greatest Athlete.

“Was there a Sea-Doo in there somewhere? I’ve got nothing.”

Slater asked for privacy on his major life call, saying the important moment deserved to be treated with the respect it deserves.

(Photo by Scott Barbour/Getty Images)

He said this could only be achieved by storing the decision inside a WhatsApp message and sending it for safekeeping to a noted mute like Will Chambers.

Slater could only confirm he was contemplating peddling sports drinks, but these plans had been muddled by threats from a “kingpin” who spat so much when he spoke it came through in his text messages.

Despite forgetting his passcode, the Origin representative says he plans to continue storing pivotal life information in his phone instead of his brain.

This is because it leaves space for more important information like remembering the locations of red light cameras and Cameron Smith’s real age.

One staffer at the club claimed to have access to Slater’s phone, but refused to unveil the details out of respect to the legal system.

He admitted to being tempted, but ultimately said no announcement can be made while ever the decision was before the bookmakers.