An even more preposterous match fixing scandal (than last week's)

The UK’s ‘Daily Crock’ has reported sensational new match fixing allegations in its online edition this morning.

Just like its tabloid rival ‘The Sun’, ‘The Crock’ has posted a video of a secret camera sting capturing a man who claims to have rigged Mitch Marsh’s 181 in the recent Perth Test.

“I paid off the entire English attack, the umpires, the match referee, DRS, Spidercam and all the anti-corruption investigators who were sleuthing around the WACA,’ he blusters.

“I even paid off the Freo Doctor to make sure it didn’t gust while Mitch was on strike, but that went horribly, horribly wrong, and the rupees ended up with an ‘over-servicing’ GP at a Freo bulk-billing clinic,” he went on to blowhard.

From there, the video abruptly edits to a question from the undercover reporter, to which the man barks, “*Of course* you can rig a match to that degree; how else can you explain Mitch making a ton!”

The man went on to boast, “And you know who else I bought? The guys in last week’s sting. I own them too, as well as The Silent Man down under. I can have them *all* double-crossing the double-crossers who’ve paid off players to throw games.”

With the reporter now looking a little exhausted, the man went on to claim, “And I can rig Steve Smith making a pair at the G, or Moen to take all 20 wickets. For the right price I can fix anything. And if you want something cheap, I can have Alastair Cook nicking one to the keeper early on. I can get you that for 50 pence.”

As the reporter got up and approached the hidden camera, the man then crowed, “And I can get you seepage under the covers … I can fix a damp spot on a good length. And I can get you leaf blowers. For half the price of Bunnings. Or Hessian covers that actually keep a pitch dry. And what about a car? I can get you a Cadillac … with a pink slip. I can …” The video violently ends at this juncture and an ad for KFC quickly fills the breach.