Basket-brawl the best thing to happen to to Australian basketball in years

Members of the Australian basketball team involved in the vicious all in basket-brawl with the Philippines have apologised for their role in the melee, but I ask: what for? The fight has been the best exposure the NBL has received in years.

Since the brawl erupted in the third quarter of the World Cup qualifier against the Philippines on Monday night footage of the incident has been on replay on every news bulletin and sports channel in Australia.

The players involved have been at the forefront of discussion on every sports panel and have featured in every tabloid, front and back.

A few more good scraps like the one we saw in Manilla and they should all be household names!

For an NBL ignoramus such as myself, the days following the incident have been a crash course on Australian basketball.

First of all, we’ve got this Daniel Kickert guy whose surname, it’s worth noting, literally incites violence – very concerning.

Daniel landed an elbow to the head of a Filipino player in retaliation to his Boomer teammate getting dropped by a similar act.

The Sydney Kings player is set to face a lengthy ban but has earnt the admiration of thousands of working-class Australian men who live by the motto ‘don’t dog the boys’ and the secret admiration of hundreds of sports commentators too scared to say how they really feel.

Then we’ve got Chris Goulding, the recipient of the Filipino elbow that started it all. Goulding got to his feet after the initial hit only to be dragged off the field, where he was kicked and punched repeatedly by a gang of Filipino players, coaches and spectators as he lay helpless on the ground.

You would be pleased to hear that Chris pulled up fine from the beating, though. In his birth town of Launceston getting jumped by 12 guys at once is just your average Thursday night at the local.

(George Calvelo/NurPhoto via Getty Images)

Luc Longley was the man who came to the aid of Goulding, standing over Chris while he was on the ground in an attempt to shelter his player from the raining blows.

Apparently, as well as being Australia’s assistant coach, Longley was also the first Australian to play in the NBA. See, we’re learning more with every punch!

Then we have Thon ‘The Flying Kick’ Maker. I have to admit I already knew a bit about Thon, the 216 centimetre-tall Sudanese refugee, picked at number ten in the 2016 draft by the Milwaukee Bucks. While my knowledge of Australian basketball is non-existent, I do know one or two names in the NBA.

But don’t worry, I’m not one of those guys who posts near word-for-word stolen opinions on Facebook during the play-offs.

Every year without fail these pseudo fans come crawling out of the woodwork just to share their unwanted opinion on the MJ Michael Jordan versus LeBron James debate as if their thoughts alone are enough to lay the argument to rest.

Finally we have poor Nathan Sobey. The Adelaide 36er probably copped the worst beating of the lot, receiving a king hit from an official and a fly chair to head shortly after that.

So there you have it. These were the four Australia players and assistant coach up against the entire Filipino team, officials, fans and most of the 7000 Filipino islands.

I don’t know exactly why the Filipino players, coaches, spectators, stadium cleaners, small children and pets reacted the way they did.

It could have been because they were losing an important World Cup qualifying match and the pressure boiled over, it could have been due to the frustration felt by a country who follows basketball religiously but isn’t very a good at playing it, it could be that there is still some bad blood between the two nations after the great Manny Pacquiao got beaten up by a Brisbane school teacher.

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Was it because in the lead-up to the brawl Filipino coach told his players to “Hit someone, put them on their arse”?

Or maybe – just maybe – the Filipino players are sick of the hordes of white men with Southern Cross tattoos and singlets using their country as a holiday destination where they can get belligerently drunk and take advantage of the poor souls working in the red-light district and thus decided to take out their anger on some people who looked and sounded pretty similar to these men.

Like I said, I don’t know the real reason – only the Filipino players can say which answers are correct – but what I do know is that after two benign State of Origin games in which it seemed the two teams were more likely to pause mid-match to pose for an Instagram boomerang together than they were to start punching each other in the head, Australian sports fans were fiending for some blood.

With our cricket team in disarray, union on the ropes and the Socceroos making an early exit from the World Cup, this was the perfect time for an attention-grabbing scandal. Sure, Kickert might miss a few games, but at least people know who he is now.

I’m not sure what the logistics are now when it comes to Philippines making the World Cup, but if they do and if they draw Australia, someone please let me know when it’s going to be on, because for the first time in my life I’ll be watching.