A few weeks ago, when the A-League’s impassioned fan-base were dallying through that fleeting period, allowing themselves – however fantastically, in hindsight – a few moments to imagine Andres Iniesta stepping out onto Australian pitches in 2018-19, that seemed at the time the upper limits of marquee fantasy.
A player who had been a wholly justified star and starter for Barcelona and Spain in the season just ended was perhaps now going to kit up for Sydney FC, or Melbourne City; it would have been an unprecedented arrival. A few days later, with Iniesta posing with Vissel Kobe shirt in hand and contract signed, we all felt a little silly.
I don’t know about you all, but I’m feeling a little sillier – perhaps just on the behalf of the Central Coast Mariners – now. Where Iniesta had been pleasant fantasy, the confirmation that Usain Bolt is about to undergo a trial at the Mariners has taken fantasy into that wholly unpleasant Dali-esque realm of the disturbingly surreal.
Bolt is a sprinter, and retired almost a year ago. He has never held a contract as a professional footballer. His most recent run-out with studs instead of spikes saw him face-off against a team comprised 50-year-old ex-footballers, Robbie Williams and Mo Farah. He looked pretty ordinary against them, too. Most notable was the very neat finish he clipped past 54-year-old David Seaman, having been utterly unaware he’d been glaringly offside.
There is no timeline in which it is appropriate, at this stage in the A-League’s existence, for Bolt to even be considered for a trial, let alone a contract. The A-League dwindled a little last season, with a general downturn in crowds and a slight sense of momentum lost, but if that is a problem, this cannot be the solution.
The bump in coverage and, perhaps, crowds Bolt might prompt may well be balanced out by the negative reaction we’re already seeing from the league’s established supportership. Sokkah Twitter is in flames, not that it’s not smouldering along at the best of times.
Multiple ex-players – Daniel McBreen and Clint Bolton, for example – have chimed in criticising the decision, pouring cold water on Bolt’s actual footballing ability, and pointing out how alienating the whole charade is for the NPL clubs and officials who have spent the last few years yearning for more space to open up in A-League squads so that young local talent might fill it.
Gold medalist Usain Bolt of Jamaica (Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images)
We have literally just had a conversation about how Australian football isn’t producing as many technically proficient young attackers as we need, and how this has stunted the reigns of the last two Socceroos managers. Central to that discussion was the issue of how foreign A-League marquee players are mostly attackers – many of them strikers – who block young attackers from being blooded in first-team positions.
Bolt is a striker – if indeed we can describe him as such without air quotes – as well as being a non-footballer; it’s difficult to conceive of a more sneering, money-grubbing, short-termist gesture to make in the wake of this important post-World Cup discussion.
The statements Mariners CEO Shaun Mielekamp has made in the last few days make for truly remarkable reading. In one breath he said this: “For us it’s important not to get ahead of ourselves,” and ““We won’t know until it happens. It may not happen. We’ve just got to keep a very level headed approach to us.”
Then, in the very next breath, Mielekamp says ““When he [Bolt] does perform and when he does score a goal, that’s the big moment. That’s the bit that everyone wants. Let’s not shut the door on that opportunity. Let’s see if it will become a reality.”
Mielekamp waxes lyrical about potential sponsors already making approaches, paints vivid pictures of Bolt drawing packed stadiums around the country. When the circus gets a new sideshow freak, crowds flock to ooh and aah, to point and chortle, and they pay their fare to press their face to the fence and gawk.
Gimmicks tend to tease out an immediate and fairly showy reaction, it’s true. And then the novelty wears off, or the attraction moves on, and what are we left with? A reputation as a Mickey Mouse league, willing to debase itself for a short-term cash grab, slobbering and eager to accommodate any well-known quasi-athlete searching the world for a football club desperate enough to act as a feather in his cap.
Wout Brama of the Central Coast Mariners (AAP Image/Tony McDonough)
The Mariners – and the FFA, if indeed the rumours of their chipping in to grease the wheels of this wretched process – need to stop and think what they stand to gain and to lose.
The sight of Bolt sprinting in a straight line down the wing of the Central Coast Stadium, posing with the giant tomato sauce bottle, doing the lightning bolt celebration after accidentally arsing the ball over the line during a set piece scuffle; the scene is high farce, many orders of magnitude greater than the Israel Folau sortie into AFL.
The best case scenario – which is extremely unlikely to eventuate – still hurts the reputation of the league, as well as directly or indirectly hindering youth development. It’s not worth the potential upsides.
We’ve just seen Croatian-Australia glow illuminated during the Croatian’s run to the World Cup final. Viewing figures for graveyard World Cup games involving two foreign teams have drawn astonishing audiences on SBS.
We have two home-grown coaches making A-League debuts as senior gaffers this season, in Steve Corica and Mark Rudan. There was an impassioned, complex debate around the right tactical formula for the Roos to adopt during the World Cup. Australia is a country that takes its football seriously, that is ready for a mature competition, that, generally speaking, is glad the marquee-crazed, slightly giddy early years of the A-League are over.
Romario and Benito Carbone have made way for Milos Ninkovic and Besart Berisha, and there is no reason to disrupt this evolutionary direction. Bolt’s presence threatens all of this, all for the sake of a few Daily Telegraph headlines, and a handful of plastic fans.
In the past, Bolt has expressed tangible interest in playing professional cricket, in the Big Bash League. He has played in the NBA Celebrity Game at All-Star Weekend. He grabbed headlines earlier this year when he set-up a ‘trial’ with Borussia Dortmund, a club that just happens to have Puma as their major sponsor and kit provider; Puma are Bolt’s sponsor too.
He is conducting a world-wide sporting taste-test, posing for the cameras, building his post-retirement brand, and collecting barrows of money doing it. It was his agent who offered Bolt to the A-League’s clubs. This is another publicity stunt, and the Mariners should rise above it.
Realfootball
Guest
Unfortunately punter, I did miss large parts of it because I was in Borneo, in parts of where seeing the the WC was problematic. I was back in time for the semis and final.
Aethelbert
Guest
Then why don't you pick it up? You'll be alongside Messi and Ronaldo in no time!
Dallas
Guest
Sounds like a lot of sour grapes by tired old men. The A League was a joke long before Usain Bolt ever appeared. Bolt at least generated world wide publicity for soccer in Aus.
Perry Bridge
Guest
Hunt had played the game at school - enough to have displayed his natural talent - and his brother in law was an AFL player.....who went onto played college American football. The Scott Harding story - after a middling career in the AFL (Brisbane/Port) - he found himself at Uni of Hawaii. It's funny how we talk up or down cross coders - but, for any decent coach there's something to work with. This article from 2014 was interesting: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/ncaaf/2014/08/21/two-way-players-james-conner-scott-harding-kevin-pope-shaq-thompson/14395043/ The US football is very narrow, the defensive team, the offensive team, very specialist roles. This is coached and practiced from very early on. Then to see comments like: "Scott Harding might be the most versatile player in college football." "I wish we had a whole team of Scott Hardings." And you just look at that and ponder that over specialising might be thwarting natural expression and development. So - good luck to the Hunt, Hayne, Folau, Pyke, Cox and if it comes to that Bolt experiments because when they succeed they are a reminder to not be too quick to pigeon hole and set limits on people and for coaches to be perhaps a little less rigid in their traditional process driven attitudes and become a little more open minded??
Matt H
Roar Guru
He won;t be doing it for the money. He has enough money that he can indulge himself now.
Matt H
Roar Guru
However you look at this, and I'm wary of the negative effect, by labelling Usain Bolt on par with "any well-known quasi-athlete" you are just embarrassing yourself. He is the single fastest human being to ever walk this planet. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that being in a class of 1 in world history makes you a bit better than a "well-known quasi-athlete".
Perry Bridge
Guest
#Old Greg Please don't undersell what Pyke and now Cox have achieved - they started with a [retty basic tool box and beyond that a blank canvas. As individuals - they have progressed via both intelligent coaching and personal growth to initially be able to fulfill a narrow role (this is the key - having that definable role - which ruck is) and then to developing their skills and game sense to become far from a liability. The scope of soccer is far more narrow - in respect to skills - while yes you can head the ball the reality is you can't be out there if you can't kick/dribble/evade etc. In Aust Footy these (cross coders in the ruck) guys generally get told to NOT kick in their first years - if taking a mark or get a free, other players will run off for a handball from them. However - both Pyke and Cox developed those skills. Cox has more of a soccer background ironically enough. The basketball was almost accidental. His footy this year has exploded to making him a vital cog in the functioning of Collingwoods attack. Very interesting to track - he's gone from being simply 'athletic and tall' to being skilled and knowledgeable. But it wasn't overnight. The main contrast is probably not so fairly made to Ronaldo - more appropriate to a goalkeeper (a narrow scope). For Bolt - can he pass consistently to the advantage of his team mates or will he be slowing them down and wrong footing them? After the novelty wears off - how long would he have to shape up?
Perry Bridge
Guest
#Ian I believe I covered that via "either by choice or necessity". Note the word "choice". There's a whole bunch of kids as MQ refers to playing multiple sports as juniors. We've seen nice examples of a guy like Collingwood captain Scott Pendlebury opted out of a national basketball program which allowed a guy like Paddy Mills (who was on the radar as a junior footballer) to get in in his place and pursue his basketball career. Choices being made by individuals.
punter
Guest
Must've missed the World cup!!!!
Kangas
Roar Rookie
incorrect Lachie Wales is the latest in a long production line . Terrigal kid off to Melbourne City for nothing
AR
Guest
I’m with Nemesis here. I think it’s great that the ALeague can become a playground for retired sport stars. And the idea that he can wear the number 9.58...a master stroke! Good on the Mariners. Hopefully the FFA can provide some marquee funds.
Old Greg
Guest
The difference is Mike Pyke and Mason Cox went to a game that relies on athleticism rather than skill. If you're athletic and tall it's not so hard to make the transaction from basketballer to ruckman, whereas elite footballers like Cristiano Ronaldo and Ivan Rakitic have been dribbling footballs since they were in nappies. If Bolt thinks he can get up to scratch to play at a professional level in six weeks, let alone play like Mario Mandzukic, he is a lunatic.
BrainsTrust
Guest
What a complete load of rubbish. In fact Caceres the only one was bought by Man City when he went to Melbourne City. DId they produce De Silva the one they currelntly are whinging about? You could argue Appiah was produced at WSW and sold by CCM. Kalik,Duke,Sainsbury,Rogic,Matt Ryan,Amini,Bozanic,Simon,Griffiths, Vukovic ,Jedinak all sold overseas. What happens to all that money down the pit and the endless hunger of the Mariners owner/beggar never ends along with all the excuses.
MQ
Guest
Does it matter? Stacks of kids grow up playing multiple sports, and then they have to specialise in their mid-teens. I imagine a stack of things are weighed up in deciding which sport to stick to.
MQ
Guest
Looks like Usain Bolt is increasing the crediblilty of the A-League, rather than the opposite.
Evan askew
Guest
I keep forgetting to put all my music on my new phone. For a rock station it shits me that there is no alice in chains or pantera
Bondy
Guest
What I'd like to see is Bolt represent the Mariners for 12 months and then after 12 months he could then try to represent the Jamaican national football team , if he had those as primary goals he could have a half decent career as a football player .... Does anyone suggest he couldn't possibly make the Jamaican national team ? ..
punter
Guest
'no longer competitive at their chosen sport' He came 3rd at the World Championship in 2017, last year. get your facts right.
punter
Guest
It's only a trial. Been in Europe for 8 weeks & this rumour was in the BBC website. Still have no idea where Swans are in the ladder or how many tats Dustin Martin has, loving no Aussie media
Cool and Cold
Guest
Sign Usain Bolt? What is his contract sum in soccer? "The $34.2 million for 2017 tracks slightly higher than 2016, when Forbes pegged Bolt's earnings at $32.5 million. According to CNBC, Bolt has been with Puma since 2002, when the sprinter was just 16. Prior to the 2016 Olympics, the deal was paying him $10 million a year. It's not clear how much the deal is worth now.Aug 11, 2017" Probably, he can earn easily 10 million a year just by his name as a brand. Then, how can a football club sign him cheap? 5 millions? Or, 3 millions a year? How to get break even first? Will FFA support it? Someone figure out that he may not have the stamina? For this, using my knowledge in horse racing, it is a doubt because I had seen some horse which can only 600 m race, not even 900 m. So, a club sign him to make a show for the whole world? Would it become a laughing stock?