Dear selectors, please free us from the Marsh brothers

I know your job is hard. Harder than we realise.

I can’t be easy having thousands (if not millions) of people thinking they could do your job better than you.

The headaches must be overwhelming. Competing agendas, team politics, pitch conditions, the wishes of the captain and coach, personal conflicts, what you see with your own eyes vs what the stats tell you, what stats to listen to and what to ignore.

You get mocked for your prejudices, but like all of us you’re creatures of your environment and upbringing – it’s not your fault.

You have a job where it is impossible to make everyone happy.

I understand.

But I do have to ask you one thing.

Beg, rather.

Desperately, from the heart…

Please, please, please give up on the Marsh brothers.

Mitchell Marsh and Shaun Marsh (Photo by Lee Warren/Gallo Images/Getty Images)

Look I get the attraction, I do.

Who doesn’t like the idea of a pair of brothers in the side? It conjures up such good memories: Ian, Greg, and Trevor Chappell. Steve and Mark Waugh. Michael and David Hussey.

And who doesn’t love the idea of multi-generational dynasty? Vic Richardson and his grandsons. John Inverarity and his dad. Rod and Dan Marsh. Ian and Alyssa Healy. The Darlings, the Gregorys, the Bannermans, etc.

They seem like nice men. Polite, enthusiastic, good team men. You hear nothing but good things.

They’re handsome too. Square jaws, good physiques, nice hair. Astronaut good looks.

And talented. Everyone can see the wonderful things both can do with the bat, and Mitchell can do with the ball.

But can we please stop picking them in the Test team?

It’s gone beyond a joke, truly.

Shaun’s a glorious strokemaker who has played some wonderful innings for Australia. He’s also extremely erratic and unreliable. If he gets over ten, he’s set. The trouble is he often doesn’t get to ten. He’s been remarkably consistent in his inconsistency.

He’s gotten chance after chance. Brad Hodge was omitted for the 2008 India tour in favour of Shaun Marsh. That’s how long he’s been around.

He’s 35 now and people are still describing him as promising. He’s come through for Australia a number of times but he’s also failed an awful lot too.

In fairness Shaun’s form has, at times, legitimately demanded his inclusion.

Mitchell is different. Mitchell has mostly been selected the basis of promise and the fact he can bowl.

Even when he’s been in good form, there’s usually someone in better form they could pick (eg last Ashes it was Glenn Maxwell), but Mitchell always seems to promise more.

He made his Test debut in 2014 replacing Shane Watson, despite the fact his first class batting average was only 28. Michael Clarke talked him up as a potential Test captain even before that Test.

In the next 21 tests Mitchell Marsh played a useful role in one Australian victory – the Adelaide Test match against New Zealand, where he scored a few runs and took a few wickets.

But he managed to hang on to his spot (or regain his spot) due to a combination of things: He had an incredible knack of scoring centuries in tour games before a first Test.

If he took just one or two wickets in an innings it would be a crucial partnership breaker. His bowling was thought invaluable if Australia played two spinners because apparently the thought of only two pace options was terrifying.

If he failed with the bat, Australia often scored so many that it didn’t matter, or collapsed in a heap, so he seemed the same quality as everyone else. He was a nice guy so journalists went easy on him.

He was replaced by players who couldn’t bowl well enough even if they were meant to be batsmen (Hilton Cartwright) or had a weird technique that Channel Nine commentators didn’t like (Pete Handscomb) or just weren’t up to it (Nic Maddinson).

Mitch Marsh: Vice-captain courageous. (AP Photo/Themba Hadebe)

In 2017 Marsh was recalled to the side during the Ashes and enjoyed a hot streak of four tests in a row where he contributed immensely with the bat, scoring two centuries and a 94, helping win three games and save the other one. His time had come!

He then failed for three Tests in a row in South Africa, but that was ignored in the aftermath of sandpapergate. Indeed, such was the leadership vacuum of this time that people were talking he might become Australian captain – and he was made vice captain.

Now he’s failed two more times. In four years his first class average with the bat has risen to 31. 31. His bowling is far less effective.

How much more time do we have to devote to these two? It’s been years.

Can we stop it?

I don’t mean to be cruel, but isn’t it cruel to other players that these two have received such blatant favouritism for so little reward?

The Marshes aren’t essential. Their underperformance played key roles in our defeats in 2015 in England, 2016 in Sri Lanka, 2016-17 vs South Africa at home, 2017 in India, 2018 in South Africa and now 2018 in the UAE.

And there are other options, all of whom would love a quarter of the chances given to the Marshes.

You want old time-y experience? We’ve still got Cameron White, George Bailey, Cameron Ferguson.

You want recent experience we’ve got Matt Renshaw, Pete Handscomb and Joe Burns.

You want someone who can bowl a bit we have Marcus Stoinis, Travis Head Glenn Maxwell, and Marnus Labuschagne.

We don’t need their lineage.

We need to start giving other people a go.

If Justin Langer loves them so much then by all means keep them in the one day team.

But please, please, kick them out of the test team.

It’s just too painful otherwise.