The Round Review Week 22

Storm v Cowboys. Olympic Park, Melbourne Friday 7.35pm: Fresh from Karmichael Hunt’s AFL defection, the Cowboys venture to the heartland of the Game of The Sherrin with a potential scandal of their own on their hands.

AFL high fliers St Kilda have reportedly offered Cowboys half Johnathon Thurston a million dollars a season to suit up in the red, black and white. Apparently Saints boffins feel that Thurston and nick Reiwoldt have a lot in common, mainly the fact that they both cry like bitches at the drop of a hat. It would seem the deal is almost done, with contractors already moving in to fit the Telstra Dome out with sand bags to cope with the expected flooding when these two whiners join forces. JT will give a good indication of his teary capabilities in this one as the Storm give him good reason to ball his lungs out.

Panthers v Dragons. CUA Stadium, Penrith Friday 7.35pm
Big news from Rugby League Week this week revealed the real reason behind Jamie Soward’s career taking off is the influence of big Wendell Sailor. Jamie, being the little sheep that he is, plans to emulate more than just Wendell’s confidence on the field in future, and has secretly booked in to have off season surgery to considerably expand both his mouth, and his arse. Lucky for the Panthers they will only have to contend with one mountainous rump in this one,shame it’ll be wobbling across the try line all too often. Dragons by 18.

Eagles v Rabbitohs. Brookvale Oval, Sydney Saturday 5.30pm
Chris Sandow has had a busy week, accepting the keys to the City of Sydney, a Knighthood, an audience with the Pope and being made an honorary Red & Green Wiggle,all ways the World has shown their enormous gratitude for the little Man finally being the one to punch Michael Ennis in the face. As The Round Review’s own special Thank you to Mr Sandow, we are tipping his team to win this week. Bunnies by 1.

Bulldogs v Raiders ANZ Stadium, Sydney Saturday 7.30pm
ANZ Stadium grounds keepers have raced against the clock to have the pitch ready for this one, after an outbreak of lawn grubs. Several different chemicals have been sprayed on the surface day and night to get the ground looking picture perfect, and we can safely report that no grubs will be able to survive on the ANZ Stadium playing surface for some time. As a result, Bulldogs’ hooker Michael Ennis has withdrawn from this match after being advised that, being an enormous grub himself, he too would fall victim to the ground’s treatment. Raiders by 4.

Warriors v Titans Mt Smart Stadium, Auckland Sunday 2.00pm
Forget swine flu, after last Friday’s shambolic performance against the Brokebacks, the Gold Coast Titans have been quarantined all week with a new flu strain, known only as Bronco-itis. Warriors by 8.

Roosters v Tigers Sydney Football Stadium, Sydney Sunday 2.00pm
Sydney Football Stadium workers have slaved around the clock all week to install an enormous new, high tech cooling fan in the ground’s scoreboard in preparation for this one. The feeling was that, with the rate that the Tigers will be scoring points, if the existing fan was kept in place, the scoreboard could overheat and catch fire,much like the Tigers, who will win by 50.

Eels v Knights Parramatta Stadium, Sydney Sunday 3.00pm
Parramatta plan to parade 2010 recruit, and former Wallaby, Timana Tahu around the ground before this big clash with the Knights. I am expecting the parade lap to go much like most of Tahu’s career games, walking around in a circle for two minutes, then disappearing, then reappearing just in time to accept the adulation of the fans. Knights by 6.

Broncos v Sharks Suncorp Stadium, Brisbane Monday 7.00pm
Current Bronco (but not for long) and Tiger traitor, Ben Teo caused a storm during the week when camera showed him laughing heartily with fellow former Tiger, Bronson Harrison after the Broncos abysmal performance against the Raiders. Many wondered as to Teo’s commitment to the Broncos, and whether he was hurting enough after a loss, but I say give the guy a break. Sure, the Broncos lost, but with only 10 missed tackles, 4 handling errors, and only going missing for 60 minutes of the match, Teo had a right to celebrate what was by far his best performance for the Broncos. So he should be able to laugh it up a little. Not sure he, or any of his team mates will find the drubbing they cop this week quite so funny. Sharks by 30. That’s right, Sharks by 30.