A bouncy WACA deck? Perhaps Beer is the answer

Australia comes into this crucial Third Ashes Test in Perth, starting today, walking the selection tightrope between necessary tweaking and reactive panic. Facing more changes than a Holden gearbox at Bathurst, this Australian team now finds itself having to save face and the Ashes series concurrently.

England, on the other hand, have arrived in the most isolated city on Earth intent on fulfilling Graeme Swann’s pre-tour prediction (which may or may not have been tongue-in-cheek) that the Ashes would be wrapped up by Christmas.

While the visitors’ only personnel conundrum is with whom to replace the injured Stuart Broad, they can only be looking at the current Australian selection circus and seeing the ghosts of England’s past.

Coach Andy Flower has suggested that he knows who will come into the side for Broad, though quite how he can pick between three guys who all took 0/28 against Victoria is beyond me.

Before I left Adelaide last week, the English-accented whispers were leaning toward Ajmal Shahzad, but suddenly all the talk is for Chris Tremlett. I’ll mention Tim Bresnan for no other reasons than equal opportunity and media parity.

For Australia though, it’s nearly easier to mention the players remaining rather than those new faces coming in. With at least four, and possibly five changes likely in the side that graces the team sheet today, we’re nearly back to the bad old days of World Series Cricket and rebel tours.

Central in among all this chopping and changing, or “planned omissions” as the selectors are calling it, is previously unknown left-arm orthodox spinner, Michael Beer.

Beer, surely a Christmas present from Cricket Australia to the headline and pun writers of the cricket world, has only played a handful of Sheffield Shield games for Western Australia, and until former-supermodel-cuddler Shane Warne mentioned him as someone worth a punt on last week, would barely have been on the selection radar even a month ago.

Suddenly though, it seems that Beer is the answer to Australia’s ongoing spin crisis. Either this fascination with left-arm “orthies” refuses to go away or the selection panel has taken David Boon’s advice a little too literally.

Why someone like Stephen O’Keefe, who played for Australia A against England in Hobart, was not the leftie to back for the immediate future baffles me. But then I was recalling Nathan Hauritz for Perth, too.

Occasional Roar columnist Stuart MacGill rubbished the selection of Beer, though as I suggested to both my Twitter followers, that’s hardly surprising from a red wine man.

And Warnie now finds himself in quite the pickle, too (a cricketing pickle, that is, fair play to him for the Liz Hurley pickle). Should he agree to this foolish fundraising crusade to come back for the Sydney Test, he would essentially be ending the Test career of the very man he pumped for.

That should be enough for all this comeback palaver to stop, but I have no doubt it will continue until a decent long-term spin option emerges. It won’t matter if Warne has had a 50th birthday, just wheel him out there. It’s only Test Cricket.

But I digress.

The Michael Beer selection could well go down as a turning point for this Australian selection panel. It could yet turn out be the kind of inspired thinking that threw a pudgy, blonde mullet-wearing legspinner into Test cricket, and then stuck with him despite copping a pasting.

In some ways, it’s hard not to feel sorry for Beer actually, because there is a real danger that failure in this Test would send him back to obscurity quicker than you can say “Greg Campbell”.

Beer has certainly made the most of his opportunities in Perth since leaving Victoria though, and indeed, any spinner that has any modicum of success on the WACA needs closer examination.

All puns – good and bad – aside, I hope the urge to play four quicks is resisted and Beer isn’t left to carry the drinks (sorry). His height at delivery and bounce got him noticed, so let’s see how that equates to the biggest stage of this young man’s life. If he can go from Melbourne grade cricketer to established Shield player in a few months, then who knows what a week in the Test setup might do for him. I hope he gets his chance in the Baggy Green today.

For the rest of the Australian bowlers though, Perth cannot be all Beer and (the Poms he) skittles. The display in Adelaide was substandard by any method of judgement, and if this side still has Ashes-winning aspirations, then it has to start from ball one.

Mitchell Johnson may never again have as many people watch the first ball he bowls in a Test Match as he will this week. If it is anywhere other than stump-bound, the calls for his head will immediately pick up where they left off.

The batting is not exactly bullet proof, either. With four of the England batting order averaging well into three figures, the Australian averages make for comparatively sober reading. Pressure remains on everyone in the top seven.

Phillip Hughes must prove his technique can survive Test cricket. Steven Smith needs to show he’s a proper Test number six. The captain needs a big score too, though I have this nagging feeling it’s not far away. His deputy needs to concentrate as he did for all but one ball in Adelaide.

The stakes don’t get any higher than they are right now. Beer may be the answer in this Third Test, but I just hope above all hope that he and it are of the sweeter-tasting winning variety.