Five things on a Knights fan wish list

The fat man in the red (and blue) suit has come early for Knights fans and he hasn’t delivered lumps of coal. Not that he doesn’t have plenty of that as well. In Wayne Bennett, Nathan Tinkler has given Newcastle faithful their most sought after present.

But can’t he do more?

Bennett is on every footy team’s wishlist and on top of the new grandstand, rivalled only by Newy’s ‘Big Donger’ observational tower, the future is looking pretty bright up the F3.

But just like that snotty Oliver kid, Knights fans are sure to be asking: “Please Nathan, can I have some more?”

So here it is, the top five things on a Knights fans wish list for Tinkler Claus:

1. Have the Hunter Mariners scrapped from the Rugby League record books

If the Super League war was one of Tinkler’s mid-morning Big Macs, Newcastle would be the pickle sitting on top of the second bun base -slap bang in the middle!

Newcastle was the swinging seat and after Rupert Murdoch dropped the ball over the line in securing the Knights for Super League he decided to start his own team, the Hunter Mariners.

It was all a bit like proposing to Jennifer Hawkins, being rejected, and going home to create your dream woman on your computer ala Weird Science.

In short, the Mariners will go down as the least popular team in the history of Australian sport (unless Kevin Sheedy has his way).

Whilst teams have fared worse on the field and pulled poorer crowds than the Mariners, few teams (outside a Colombia favella anyway) can lay claim to having their players and staff receiving death threats and their facilities trashed on a daily basis.

Thankfully, the jolly mariners only lasted a season with the Knights securing the hearts of, well, everyone outside of Manly in the classic 1997 NRL Grand Final, and those Hunter Mariners joined the great football ground in the sky.

If the Storm can have two premierships scratched, I think one season of Mariner-mediocrity can be banished fairly easily.

2. Clone Andrew Johns

Surely with Tinkle Toes’ big bucks, this is the next logical step in Knights world domination.

I guarantee you that at this very moment, in a dark laboratory under the bowels of Marathon Stadium, scientists are extracting vital DNA from the mouthguard Andrew Johns imbedded in the surface of the SFS in the 2000 preliminary final.

Whilst results to date have varied (see Scott Dureau), a half-back who can break the line like a centre, tackle like a lock, kick like a Springbok and fight like Jamie “Cattledog’ Goddard is not too far away. Just keep him away from the cameras in retirement, please!

3. A decent alternate jersey (or just jersey)

The first thing Tinkler did after buying the Newcastle Jets was give them a new playing strip and Knights fans must surely be hoping he is as magnanimous with them.

Considering Newcastle’s traditional colours are brown and green (apologies for those eating), I suppose the Knight’s jerseys could be worse.

They could be a lot better too.

I’m thinking blue AND red. Not just blue. Not all red with red shorts and socks. Not white. Not grey. Blue. And red. With a dirty great big yellow number on the back for kicks!

4. A less embarrassing mascot

This has been covered on The Roar before but the Knights mascot, Knytro, is terrible. He looks like a red and blue jumping castle and has the charm and charisma of Paul Harrigan on the Footy show (come to think of it…have you ever seen them both in the same place?).

Just like poor old Ricky Stone is to be shown the door, so should the imposter Knytro. Or he at least should be demoted to NSW Cup.

There are plenty of quality mascots out there who don’t have current gigs for next year lined up. What about dropping Stan the Steel Avenger a line Nathan, or finding out what Bart the Bear is doing these days?

Sure I know some of you say they’ve been out of the game too long but you don’t forget these things, you can’t buy class and these blokes have it in spades.

5. Launch a probe into the Greg Smith fiasco

In terms of Newcastle disasters it goes something like this: Earthquake; BHP shutting down; the movie ‘Newcastle’ and Greg Smith.

For those with short memories, he is the nuffy who told coach Warren Ryan that he had played in the NFL for the Phiidelphia Eagles only to play one game for the Knights in 1999.

The then perhaps senile Ryan must still have been suffering post traumatic stress from the ’89 Grand Final, and decided to give him a run, after Smith’s athletic build and handbag snatcher speed deceived coaching staff.

In brief, Smith’s performance in the game was described in the Sydney Morning Herald as: “dreadful is a word that struggles to convey Smith’s ineptitude”. Ouch.

Also, he kept a young Timana Tahu out of first grade. Oooh that stings.

We’ve all lied at times and, well, it hurts being found out as a closet Adrian Purtell fan.

Chances are though your comeuppance hurts a little more in front of a packed Marathon stadium when you single handedly lose your team a big game.

Suffice to say I think Smith, Ryan and all parties got off a little bit lightly in this fiasco and I have no doubt in my mind that it is time for a crack team (well, probably Andrew Voss and Brad Fittler) to be appointed by the new Independent Commission to shed some light on to rugby league’s greatest cold case.

Knights’ fans demand it!

So sports fans, anything else you would like from Uncle Nathan?