This was sent through to me as an email from a South African buddy, but I thought the Roarers may like it. Please take it in the tongue in cheek nature that it is intended.
Dear women,
1. From 9 September to 23 October, 2011, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, the VCR and DVD are all mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it.
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won’t have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor… it won’t happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12pm and 3pm, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please, if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say ‘get over it, it’s only a game’, or ‘don’t worry, they’ll win next time’. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about rugby than me and your so called ‘words of encouragement’ will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime, but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note, I am saying ‘one’ game; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to ‘spend time together’.
8. The replays of the tries are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times, and record them.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a. I will not go,
b. I will not go, and
c. I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying, ‘But you have already seen this… why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch?’
12. Please save your expressions such as, ‘Thank goodness the World Cup is only every four years’. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the reruns of the Rugby World Cup, etc, etc.
13. And finally, if you are female and your “man” likes rugby less than you, he is not a real man and shall be bound by these rules and additionally be referred to as “the bitch” for the duration of the World Cup.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards,
Men of the world.
Intotouch
Guest
Thank God my boyfriend loves rugby as much as me. The world cup will be a joy! If anyone has a partner who will endure hours of noise and boredom on a regular basis for you that, truly, is a sign of love. Be so so grateful to them. Joke or not, this article does describe what some women and men have to put up with. But thank God i don't have to do this. We will probably both starve for a month and live in a home that looks like a pigsty. Bliss!
ptovey01
Roar Pro
Never claimed it as my own KotG. But was busy getting married so I've just been gettin my self back in routine.
stillmatic1
Guest
i feel so sorry for all you guys. luckily im shacked up with someone who watches just as much rugby as me and even league games when im not at home (and some dodgy fashion show isnt on!!). and frankly she ought to!! we are going over the ditch for this world cup and watching 16 games including finals during the 6 weeks. kinda got to try and enjoy the game when i get tickets for us to games like usa v russia and georgia v romania hahahaha. she still doesnt like it when i want to throw the tv out, and carry on ranting and raving about refs or coaches/players when my team is getting done. just leave me alone to vent for a few minutes damnnit!! 6. Please, please, please, if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say ‘get over it, it’s only a game’, or ‘don’t worry, they’ll win next time’. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about rugby than me and your so called ‘words of encouragement’ will only lead to a break up or divorce. love that and sums it up perfectly. cheers
C.K
Guest
My wife knows not to make any plans to go out when a rugby game is on. She will ask me well in advance if any rugby is being played over a weekend when something is happening. If there is Rugby on, I will simply not leave the house. I feel sorry for her during the Rugby World Cup.
WayneO
Guest
But we will find time after every game to post our opinions and observations here. Argue bitterly about the refs. Lament bad decisions on the field. Applaude great tries. Mull over the inevitable inexplicable losses and by default, wins. Agree and disagree with journo's and each other. And that will extend each game by at least an hour before and three after. So there we have it. Leave us all alone for those crucial six or so hours around every game we watch. An hour to air our strategic views of the forth coming game, two to watch it and three to argue or gloat about the result afterwards. Please buy lots of crisps, biltong and beer!!! Thanks!
Damo
Guest
Yeh every year i try and keep quite about the start of the season. And i try to sneak a few games in before my wife knows they're on. A dark cloud descends when she finds out that it's rugby season for another year. 'Rugby widow' is what she calls herself. But I don't hold back for Bledisloe or WC games. She knows they are on and, with some unfortunate exceptions, refrains from discussing the kids reports, the tax return her family's news and ideas for home improvement during the game, mostly. There have been casualties when a hapless soul has ventured in and interrupted with word or deed at the wrong time. One of her friends accidentally emptied a glass of red over me during the super final. She thought I was upset about my clothes! She was oblivious to the game. She may speak to me again one day - just hope it's not during a game. It should be illegal to be close to a rugby screen without giving due respect. Barrier tape could be stretched out around a screen to separate the faithful from the infidels. Not enough attention has been paid to this issue by the Roar, the ARU, the police, parliament or The Vatican.
me
Guest
Dear Man of the world ! As much as I LOVE rugby and will be also glued to the TV .....funny how life doesn't stop. So, it's great that you get your ass wiped during your favourite time of the year .....but who wipes my ass EVER? I still would have to do my daily chores and yours but I don't see any time of the year when I get this same royal treatment. SO! be a man and show me that you can handle the pressure AND do everything ur supposed to PLUS catch every game .....the challenge is ON !
Handles O'Love
Guest
Excuse me. What about "Replays of games are important. I know I was just there. I know the ticket cost me $700, but I will get a whole new perspective from the television, and this needs to be accorded the same respect as a live game."
DaniE
Guest
Emric I AM the wife... And the husband and my mum will be watching too. Have to organize other babysitting options methinks :p -- Comment left via The Roar's iPhone app. Download The Roar's iPhone App in the App Store here.
Brett McKay
Guest
Love it PToves, that one's being sent on as we speak...
Emric
Guest
DaniE send the kid and the wife to the mother-in-laws and invite the father in law to come watch the rugby... Problem Solved
DaniE
Guest
Need to write one for toddlers as well, the kid hates when rugby's on and he's not the centre of attention. I reckon he'll be my worst barrier during RWC :( -- Comment left via The Roar's iPhone app. Download The Roar's iPhone App in the App Store here.
King of the Gorgonites
Roar Guru
Good to see you wrting another article again ptovey01, even if it was mainly a copy and paste job.
Terry Kidd
Guest
Lol ... an oldie but a goodun. My wife found a plaque and has hung it over my computer ... "We suspend this marriage for the duration of the Rugby season" ..... now I've just got to find a way to make seasons without end.
PaddyBoy
Guest
A thousand times yes, why can I only cheer this article once. I'm getting so psyched for the cup. No foxtel = no good rugby for most of the year.
Derm
Roar Guru
Seventies humour is still alive and thrashing in South Africa obviously.