Let’s face it, the only reason anybody watches the grand final “entertainment” is to see an epic disaster. This week marks the 21st anniversary of perhaps the biggest horror show involving song, dance and choreography ever seen at a major sporting event.
History books show that Hawthorn beat West Coast by 53 points to win the 1991 AFL Grand Final in front of 75,320 at VFL Park – the only time the biggest game of the year was played out at Waverley before dozers flattened the joint and it became a housing estate as well as Hawthorn’s HQ.
Not that anybody gives a stuff.
Most people remember September 28, 1991 as the day a baby blue Batmobile straight out of a bad high school Rock Eisteddfod act slugged its way out onto the ground for a motorcade of sporting champs.
Hard-rocking former Rose Tattoo frontman Angry Anderson and retired marathon champ Rob DeCastella sat nervously in the brothel red back seat.
Within minutes, Angry was out on the ground belting out a teeth gnashing, eyeballs bleeding, nails scratching down a blackboard rendition of his number-one hit song “Bound for Glory”. The reaction of the sports stars in the motorcade was priceless.
Deek was looking for somewhere to hide. Boxing world champions Lionel Rose and Jeff Fenech were stunned. That year’s Brownlow Medallist Jim Stynes was equally bemused. Long-distance swimmer Susie Maroney typically had no idea what the hell was going on.
Then there was Seoul Olympics marathon silver medallist Lisa Martin and her husband, Kenyan world champion 5000m runner Yobes Ondieki.
They completely lost it.
Face in hand, almost crying with laughter, Yobes steals the whole ridiculous show. His blink and you’ll miss it cameo is so memorable that Carlton Draught used it as a tag for a recent ad that proclaims it has been a “proud supporter of footy since 1877… except in 1991” (see below).
If there’s one criticism of Angry’s unforgettable performance – and there can only be one criticism of this magnificent aural nuke – it’s that he didn’t sing “Suddenly”, his 1987 smash hit which became a chart-topper worldwide thanks to Ramsay Street’s Romeo and Juliet. That’s right, I’m talking about the fairytale wedding of Scott and Charlene (Jason Donovan and Kylie Minogue) on Neighbours, still one of the highest-rating episodes on Australian TV. “Suddenly” is all over that cheese.
As the Batmobile wobbled out of the stadium, few thought they’d ever see it again. But years later, it bobbed up at the AFL Hall of Fame and Sensation exhibition in Melbourne. Earlier this year, some diehard fans started the “Bring back Angry Anderson and the Batmobile for the 2011 Grand Final” group on Facebook. It currently has 47 members.
Last week, the Batmobile – which is actually a 1970 VG Valiant Coupe – popped up for sale on eBay with bids starting at a lazy $7000.
Owner and Collingwood supporter Michael Monaghan stumbled across it in a bad way when he went to check out a Valiant for sale in suburban Melbourne. He bought it on the spot and lovingly restored it.
Monaghan has promised to donate 50 percent of all funds raised in any sale above $10,000 to the Cerebral Palsy Education Centre. The Mad Chatter hopes the rest will be used to pay-off Angry so he never sings in public again. So far there have been no bids.
Funny enough, “Bound for Glory” has since become a national sporting anthem. Rumour has it you can see the Batmobile in all its restored glory on Channel 10’s ‘Before the Game’ grand final show on Friday night.
What other sports “entertainment” disasters do you fondly (and not-so-fondly) remember?
Bayman
Guest
margot, I too had a laugh at the poor old Geelong legends piling into each other's back as the front man, or was it the third man, was held up by the spectator, beer in each hand, carefully and slowly edging down the steps so he didn't spill a drop and totally oblivious to the pile-up behind him. Priceless.. Bad luck about the drama happening on the field as poor pld Craig Willis was left wondering where were all those old premiership cups and their human transport. Not to mention the first two Cats who made it with their cups and then looked behind to see......nobody following. What the.....! You would think the AFL might have put a man at the top of the aisle to prevent just such an interruption to the flow of the big moment. Meatloaf was then the icing on the entertainment cake.
Bayman
Guest
Chris, And, in retrospect, fully realised. The Meat was, how do I say it......bloody awful! If it hadn't been for the female singer helping him along the AFL may well have found themselves facing court action for cruelty and false advertising. And the rest of us would have had no idea which song he was "singing". I'm afraid I am one of those who think some people involved with putting on Grand Finals (AFL and NRL) have way too much say. I do not know a single person who has bought a GF ticket just to watch the "entertainment". Nor do I know a single person who has actually been "entertained". Ever! The AFL, apparently, have commented that Meatloaf "did his best". Hopefully the person who selected our mate Meat, without actually checking to see if he could sing in anything but an inaudible raspy whisper, has now been thrown off the highest point in the grandstand and will not bother us again. If I was that person I'm not sure I could go to work today and face my workmates sly looks and titters - assuming, of course, the fall didn't kill me. Embarrassment does not begin to cover it. If the AFL really thinks the Grand Final is not just a football match but "entertainment" which requires all sorts of other distractions at least make sure that it's "entertainment" that's provided. Of course, I'm still trying to work out the need for a Blackhawk helicopter to hover above the deck at the NRL GF for a few minutes before flying off. Now if the pilot and crew were singing "Like a Bat out of Hell" I might have made the connection but I'm afraid I missed the "entertainment" value completely. But then I miss it every year - at both Grand Finals!
margot
Guest
Thought the AFL pre game entertainment was a bit of a washout because when Craig Willis read out the premiership captains with their cup were a bit to fast being read than seeing the captains come down the isle especially having a fan interupt with having him allowed to come down the isle with beer in his hand . He should have been stopped until they di that section.2. MEATloaf was a bit of a poor let down becuse the music was heard more than he was and the women he had with him you only just heard her as well. maybe you could get a singer like lionel ritchie who was on last year to be on his own as he was heard a lot better than meatloaf.3. Vanessa Amarossi is a very good singer but l must admit she lost the plot at the end of the anthem being of key.Maybe we should have julie anthony's taped anthem instead. All was a bit of a let down but could be improved next year.
Tony
Guest
Meatloaf was appalling. And the amplification was far too loud. I found it more entertaining to watch the camera spinning along over the wires!
mds1970
Roar Guru
This article was written before Meatloaf; but the big man delivered a performance worthy of this article. Absolutely terrible.
Lee McDonald
Roar Guru
It actually does, albeit unwittingly going by the title. The Angry Anderson performance actually occurred at half-time of the 1991 Grand Final. Check out the link below. At about 7 minutes Sandy Roberts announces that "The second half's coming up..."
BigAl
Guest
Possibly, but that's always a big part of every Olympics ! - it's what you sign on for.
The Cattery
Roar Guru
Bernie Quinlan has just been inducted into Torp Hall of Fame. Well done super boot.
The Cattery
Roar Guru
Latest news~ Daisy Thomas has just won the Torp of the year award, 2011. Naturally Daisy was honored, he promised to unleash one or two tomorrow, and he encouraged all kids to bring back the Torp. TC
Dingo
Guest
Now THAT'S entertaining. :D Once I got over the urge to cut off my ears, I actually enjoyed it. Let's hope one of our grand finals can deliver some "quality" entertainment like that. C'mon Meat, bring it home.
kiwidave
Guest
I remember this guy though. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2Q6pa5cSSo
kiwidave
Guest
Ok you win, that was... was... well.... yeah...
Rabbitz
Roar Guru
Slightly left field, but for me the most abysmal sporting "over hyped entertainment interlude" was the Sydney 2000 Opening Ceremony. Christ, what an unmittigated w4nky, pointless, provincial yawnfest. And we paid millions for it.
phil osopher
Guest
In fact, here's the link, and its good old rugby leagues old anthem to boot. This is easily the worst thing you'll ever see and makes angry look happy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIKkUTn1Wuc
phil osopher
Guest
Good article. Angry wasnt too bad really, he was on note (kind of). Its the whole concept of that kareoke style mix of live vocals with a tape. If you know anything about sound engineering you will know thats an extremely hard thing to make sound good, especially with a cruddy rock singer. What we're used to hearing on a record is not just as it comes out of the mouth, its highly worked. So its the sound engineer or the person who thought of the concept in the first place who should be shot, no doubt, its aweful, and always is generally. Angry can live, he would have needed the bucks Im sure. But the best one ever is a pretty famous clip on youtube of a game in Holland I think it was of the Holland Idol contestants singing some huge pop anthem song, and the singing is genuienly way way out of tuen and the animation of their dancing is hilariously, how shall we say .... a little verbose. Youtube it, you'll love it.
Kasey
Guest
I'm always surprised at the prudish nature of our seppo cousins. They'll show blood, guts n gore in all manner of ways on a forensic show like Bones or one of the many CSI variants, but one damned nipple and they all go into meltdown. I thought the over reaction was more interesting than the 'wardrobe malfunction tbh.
The Cattery
Roar Guru
This was a very funny article, and the comments were just as good, well done to all.
Tony
Guest
AFL hasn't had a "wardrobe malfunction" yet!
Matt F
Guest
The players knew. There's a few shots of them looking at him and laughing. I'm pretty sure that's the same guy who walked out to bat in the Ashes and warmed up with his mate on Centre Court at Wimbledon too!
Will Sinclair
Guest
It was the only enjoyable thing about that 89 Grand Final for us Tigers fans!