State of Origin selection still funny from afar

The teams for State of Origin have just been selected; I know that much. Even from the barren wasteland of rugby-league news that is New York, I am aware that New South Wales have somehow managed to overlook Tariq Sims.

While that fact has given me a good laugh, I can’t help but feel I’m missing out on so much more.

New York isn’t a bad place, but there’s no State of Origin happening here.

There’s music and there’s babes (ignoring me) aplenty in the Big Apple, but I cannot fathom the complete lack of swirling, hyperbolic nonsense that comes with the territory of a true State of Origin build up.

When I lay my head down to rest each night, I can almost hear it.

Sometimes, as my weary eyelids draw to a close, I swear the battering ram of New South Wales gibberish grows so loud I could reach out and touch it.

When I open my eyes though, the voices disappear. I sigh.

So are the strains of homesickness.

At every quiet, reflective moment like this I think of what life must be like back home. I just know that Ricky Stuart is probably spewing forth a barrage of bitter stupidity, directed at any unfortunate soul brandishing a pen or microphone within striking distance.

God bless those journos who faithfully publish his nonsense; it always makes for such a cracking read!

As he did last year, Phil Gould’s ghost writer would definitely be copying and pasting from an old article about the State of Origin mentality

I’m sure he’ll cite Shane Webcke’s good hit-up while down 32-4 in 2002 as an example of Queensland resilience and publish it in an upcoming expert feature.

I always have a chuckle at that one too… clearly Gus expects New South Wales to start putting more effort into their floggings.

I also bet that by now Jarryd Hayne, Michael Jennings, Todd Carney and co. have all had a go at assuring New South Wales fans that they will indeed be sober and trying next Wednesday night, even in defeat. Such comedy.

Can someone tell me, how is Ricky Stuart justifying selecting a w(h)inger in Hayne.

Last year he refused to select him at fullback (his actual position) because he was a five-eighth, only to select him in the centre?

Indeed, how is it justified to pick an injured, out-of-form Hayne at all?

Brett Morris still qualifies right? I’d love to hear the great man’s thoughts.

Ah Sticky, what a legend! How about picking Michael Jennings out of New South Wales Cup, while overlooking both Josh Morris and Chris Lawrence.

What’s he had to say about that one? Please someone, fill me in. I’d love the laughs.

I’d also love it if someone could tell me who Trent Merrin is.

I know he played two Origins last year and I guarantee I watched every second closely, but I still have no idea about him.

He plays for the Dragons I hear. He’s one of their forwards who came into the team once their fearsome, premiership-winning forward pack was broken up, right? One of the new guys who has failed to replace the likes of Jeremy Smith?

Despite his anonymity, I’m sure he must have some good qualities if Sticky keeps picking him.

If nothing else, it’s safe to assume he loves a beer and punt. Sticky digs guys who dig beer. Real men.

Even if they lose at Origin, they’re bound to chalk up some wins at the race track.

Unfortunately though, this is all just speculation. After all, I’ve been missing out on Danny Weidler’s exclusive interviews with Sticky.

I’m yet to see a single shot of Steve ‘Blocker’ Roach packing into a media scrum, to assure all and sundry that if they are to win, New South Wales will have to play tough.

I’m missing the redundant player interviews, cliched expert analysis and laughable State versus State hoopla, peddled by the Courier Mail and Daily Telegraph.

Indeed, unless I figure out a way to watch the game online I’ll miss that too! I’m missing it all!

Still, despite my removal from the build up, one thing I have been missing has now returned.

Ever since seeing the selected teams went out two days ago, I have been fueled by it: hatred.

While I recently dabbled with ideas of sympathy and pity, I am now happy to announce that I have been cleansed of such weakness.

I hate New South Wales for how pathetic they are.

I hate Ricky Stuart because he can’t win.

I even hate myself for feeling sorry for them.

Indeed, in my tortured mind the build up is still going on, the only difference is I’m in New York and everyone around me is oblivious.

Still it’s all I think about. State of Origin.

Go Queensland! Slaughter them! News of another triumph will deliver me my biggest laugh yet!