It’s nothing new to say that sport is a cruel mistress. In fact, sometimes sport doesn’t really seem like a mistress at all, it seems more like a home invader who bashes your face in with a golf club and steals all your plates.
The Adelaide Test of 1993, the Edgbaston Test of 2005, Australia versus Italy in the 2006 World Cup, Mark Philippoussis, all of these are prime putter-to-the-nose material.
But it’s at grand final time that sport becomes crueller than ever. Not just ordinary, lying-on-the-floor-sobbing cruel – although that is very much involved – but so cruel that its cruelty becomes like a virus, and infects all in contact with it.
At grand final time, it is not just sport that is cruel – it is sports lovers themselves.
My history of lost grand finals is rich and epic. I remember well the 1989 rugby league grand final, Balmain versus Canberra.
I was a Balmain boy – not literally, but in my heart – and after being beaten underdogs the year before, this was the Tigers’ day.
They led early. They led at halftime. They led in the second half. They led a minute from fulltime. And then, suddenly, they stopped leading. And it was extra time. And there was a field goal, and there was a try, and Garry Jack, the safest fullback you’d ever hope to see, dropped a kick.
And that was after Wayne Pearce spilled the ball with a try in sight, and after Benny Elias’s drop goal bounced off the crossbar, and by the time Mal Meninga hoisted the trophy, it had become clear that at the tender age of ten, I was already hated by god.
That day I snarled at my sisters and lashed out at the world, kicking my ball with rare fury in the front yard as I attempted to bash the feelings out of myself.
I remember the 1996 AFL grand final too. A nubile teenager not long initiated into the pleasures of the indigenous game, it seemed destiny was on our side. The Swans had topped the ladder, they were powered by Lockett and Kelly and Roos, they’d knocked off the Hawks and the Bombers with last-minute kicks to get there – the gods were on MY side this time.
And then they ran into Wayne Carey and Glenn Archer and it all fell in a soggy red and white heap, and that dream was over, though the real tragedy wasn’t felt until a few years later.
Just like Balmain’s failure to win the big one in the 80s only really hit home when it became clear that Pearce and Elias and Jack and Sironen would never win a premiership, so the Swans’ loss assumed greater significance with the realisation that those magnificent warriors Lockett and Kelly and Roos wouldn’t play in a flag-winning team.
It just seemed so damnably unfair.
Several years later, Balmain were no more, and I moved to Melbourne and took up with the Storm. There were some years of joy. But too good to last.
In 2006 both my teams made the grand final – the Storm choked horribly and the Swans lost by a point, the cruellest cut of all.
It’s all a bit of a haze, but I’m pretty sure I kicked the cat that day. I know I didn’t kick the dog, because I didn’t have one, and I didn’t kick my son, because I knew if one day I wrote an article about it, it would look bad. So no doubt the cat copped the brunt.
In 2008 Storm lost, dreadfully, to a Manly side inspired by their departing hero Steve ‘Beaver’ Menzies, the finest footballer ever to be named after a vagina.
And then in 2010…we found out the 2007 and 2009 wins weren’t, and I discovered that if it was difficult seeing your team lose on grand final day, it was even worse watching your team lose a grand final two and a half years after the grand final was played.
The curse that had haunted me since Steve Jackson barrelled over in 1989 was surely back. And the ledger of those 21 years of grand finals seemed to be definitely in the red – more heartache than pleasure, more agony than ecstasy.
And here we are again. Like 2006, my teams – interstate aliens in either code – have reached that last day. One itching for redemption, one dreaming of against-the-odds glory. Both of them carrying my fragile mood upon their shoulders.
Because if things go badly this weekend for me, it will be cruel. Horrifically, nightmarishly, and completely unjustly cruel. I will wallow in my grief. I will drown in my anger. I will bawl in my deep, dark hatred for the opposing side.
And how unfair is that? I assure you that at 5pm Saturday, if Sydney loses, any Hawthorn supporter alive will be my mortal enemy and I shall be sworn to strike them down. And this time, my son actually is one, so he won’t get off so easy.
At 8pm Sunday if Melbourne goes down, the same goes for Bulldogs fans, though to be fair they’re pretty much always my mortal enemies. If both of them lose, I won’t be responsible for my actions, nor for my dropping of the C-word on Twitter.
And this is why grand finals are so cruel: not just because they set our nerves on edge and bring us to the edge of sobbing delirium, and not just because the pain of defeat seems so much more intense than the euphoria – or relief – of victory, but because they make us enemies of each other.
Good, decent, reasonable people will hate each other this weekend for what are, literally, incredibly stupid reasons.
It’s a sad and distressing aspect of human nature, and yet it is, perhaps, the purest and most wonderful essence of everything about sport that makes us want to obsessively follow it without actually being involved in it in any way.
This weekend, if you are not with me, you are against me. And who would have it any other way?
Bee Bee
Guest
There was a ranting fan featured in Swans gear on the coverage yesterday during the fourth quarter. When the game looked to be slipping away from the Swans. Looked a lot like you BP.
Coully
Guest
Lets not forget that at the time the $torm had allready started cheating the cap. The mighty Broncos triumphed against the forces of evil and prevented another blank spot appearing on the proud premiership history of our beloved game. Justice was done and the football gods looked upon it and were contented.
Horatio
Guest
A game that went down in history based on a fraud - Harrigans decision that changed/cost the Tigers the game and I am a part-time canberra supporter...
Horatio
Guest
Cudgel You obvously didnt read too closely - wasnt talking about favouring Canberra - I was talking about decisions going to teams behind on the scoreboard to make it a more interesting game. I watched the 99 GF again last night and all the close decisions went to the Storm who were behind 14-0. Same in 2001 when Parra got all the second half decisions to come back from 24-0 to almost beat Newcastle - Harrigan even disallowed a Newcastle try in the second half fo held up without referring it to the video yet it was a try..The Nine commentators were gobsmacked. Hayne in the video refs box - interesting
Jason Cave
Guest
But I reckon the turning point cam when then Balamin coach Warren Ryan decided to take Steve Roach off and put Kevin Hardwick on. Remember, Balmain were up 14-8 at the time with 15 min to go. The sight of 'Blocker' Roach leaving the ground affected the Tigers in more ways than one, while it gave Canberra a massive boost in confidence.
Loppy
Guest
I just watched a replay of the 1989 grand final. What a classic. Good not have been scripted any better. Gees Balmain had their chances to win. I was watching it as a replay but it felt like it was live. Gees I really felt nervous and yes I was saught of a supporter of the tigers when I got into league a year later. Gees great times.
Cugel
Roar Rookie
Of course I have footage, watched it a number of times. But unless you're suggesting Harrigan meticulously plotted out which decisions (and what would eventuate from them) in order to favour Canberra, it merely highlights - like every other single match in the history of every sport - you win some and lose some. Nothing more than that. I will also note that after Elias' fg attempt, Freeman fielded the rebound from a blatantly offside position, which again went unremarked. Perhaps the touchy would've pulled it up had there been a score, but again, nothing can be read into it.
sheek
Roar Guru
Ben, The 1989 GF would have to be one of the best. I remember it as if it was yesterday. We had a BBQ at a mate's place (who happened to be a passionate Tigers supporter). It was a beautifully sunny arvo since the GF was played in the arvo in those days (ahh memories). Since I didn't follow either team closely, I was ambivalent as to who won, I just wanted to see a cracker game. Canberra & Balmain had each been runners-up in the previous two years, so nature was going to be benevolent to one of them, & cruel to the other. As it was, the game went into an extra-time thriller. In any case, my memories of 1989, was of a glorious Sydney spring afternoon & evening combining a great game with great company, great food & great drink.
Chino
Guest
Well in the case of Fitzroy I have known plenty who have after the merger with Brisbane ended following all sorts of different clubs though the main one that people ended up at was Melbourne though a rare couple or so have ended up not following the AFL at all and instead cheer on the Fitzroy side in the second division of the VAFA (Victorian Amateur Football Association). Another much rarer case was when some South Melbourne supporters left the club after the move to Sydney.
Horatio
Guest
I have footage for my Harrigan indiscretion - do you have any? What time was it in the game? I am impressed that you can remember 23 years later this referee oversight that merely meant a team slipped behind rather than a match deciding decision but still came back to win. BTW even if its true which I have my extreme doubts, 6 points difference can be made up easily as Billy proved for a dramatic finish...Have a look at the 99 GF where every decision went to the Storm for a come from behind win. Harrigan was an ex full and current 1/2 News employee but that is inconsequential. The fact that it was a dramatic finish is all that counted for TV drama. Coach Anderson predicted before the game that the Storm would finish over the top of Saints and so it was...
Cugel
Roar Rookie
Few of course remember Brasher knocking on a bomb, and Balmain subsequently getting a penalty that put them 6 in front.
Horatio
Guest
Watch the second half again and see hw many 50--50 calls went to the Storm (and I dont include the penalty try)...
Horatio
Guest
Harrigan had been making games close for 15 years until he retiredand then choreographed from the video refs box - is it any wonder he was the first ref signed in Super league because they wanted drama and entertainment not sport per se and close games are the greatest drama....
Ben Pobjie
Expert
Sheesh, if I'd been a bandwagon supporter I'd have dropped off long before 1999.
Ben Pobjie
Expert
Pearce believed Harrigan made a mistake AND made it up - he thinks Harrigan meant to penalise Canberra, but held his arm up the wrong way, and made up a fictional penalty to avoid looking stupid.
Ben Pobjie
Expert
I didn't care where Balmain finished, what players left or who the coach is, I only cared that Balmain turned into Wests!
Ben Pobjie
Expert
The refs were appalling that day. But Storm choked too - they should have obliterated Brisbane.
Ben Pobjie
Expert
But Andy I'm so young!
Horatio
Guest
1989 Harrigan cost the Tigers the GF - still dont believe how he got to be the top ref. Pearces explanation contradicts himself by saying H made a mistake but he had never penalised anyone for it before or since - which is it - he made a mistake or he made it up... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPDUKtdk6lc I note with Rupert Murdoch in town they have pulled out Waldron again as the bad guy even though the final report blamed 5 others...and as if no-one else knew..The others have gone on to carrers with other clubs - O'Sullivan to the Rossters... http://www.theaustralian.com.au/sport/nrl/waldron-still-a-dirty-word-at-melbourne-storm/story-fnca0von-1226481361703.
Mals
Roar Rookie
"Several years later, Balmain were no more, and I moved to Melbourne and took up with the Storm." You lost me at this point. Balmain were the dominant team in the merger with Wests & they are still called the Tigers & wear a very similar strip! Can't see why you would switch teams unless of course you were a half hearted bandwagon supporter to begin with.