Dear Anthony, I just wanted to write to you, out of the enormous sense of gratitude I feel for the joy you have brought to me and millions of my fellow Australians.
This is one of the wonderful things about sport, of course, the way it can cause such uplift in our souls, the way it can gladden our hearts and help us forget about the grubby cares of the everyday world for a while.
Anyone who has seen a Mark Waugh century, or David Campese score a try, or Roger Federer in full flight, or the magic of Maradona, is familiar with the transcendent bliss that come from watching a master sportsman in action.
And I can truly say, Anthony, that you have now joined the ranks of these immortals, in your ability to generate happiness beyond the usual spectrum of human emotion in the bosoms of those who follow your endeavours.
You’ve made me happy, Anthony, and you’ve made so many others happy, because you lost.
Just saying those words brings back such sweet memories, do you mind if I say them again? You lost. You lost. You LOST. Oh the shivers of euphoria sizzling up and down my spine just repeating that, it’s so exquisite. I want to relive this feeling again and again, to remember every detail of the experience.
I mean, you prepared for this fight, you trained, you told everyone how you were going to win, you went into the ring, and you lost.
I almost have tears in my eyes, Anthony, I appreciate what you’ve done for us so much. You truly are the People’s Loser.
I remember the first time you caused joy to swell in my heart this way. It was the 1999 NRL grand final. You lost that day too. You lost spectacularly. I mean, a bunch of other guys blew that big halftime lead too, but it was your central part in the losing process that won me over more than anything.
Since then you’ve switched to boxing, and carefully selected your opponents so that you didn’t overload the pleasure centres of our brains, but every now and then you bring a wholesome smile to our lips again, and we are so grateful every time you do.
But this time you really outdid yourself. I mean, it wasn’t just the way you talked yourself up, it wasn’t just the way you keep going with that adorable “greatest athlete Australia’s ever produced” routine that makes us want to pinch your little cheeks like a toddler who’s just done the Gangnam Style dance for his grandparents.
It’s incredibly cute when you do that Anthony, seriously: the only way it could be cuter is if you tied a towel around your neck for a cape and ran around doing whooshing noises while you said it.
But it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t even just the way you decided to hurl racial slurs at your opponent (although obviously that helped: it really gave your loss some pop and fizz).
No, the fact is that when it comes to losing, you’re not just some everyday, common or garden defeatist. You’re not some mediocre Bernard Tomic or Jana Rawlinson. Your attention to detail makes you an artist.
It’s not just your preparation for losing, and it’s not just your ability to commit to the loss in the heat of the battle.
No, it’s the way you keep up your devotion to the loss even afterwards. I mean, here you are, defeated, battered, broken, embarrassed, no doubt, but you press on, and tell the world that you didn’t really lose.
I mean, sir. Clap. Clap. Clap. Bravo, Anthony. I’ve never seen such skilful losing.
You don’t only light the flame of your loss, you fan it and fuel it until it is a blazing inferno of failure. Running around saying there’s a conspiracy against you, the other guy barely touched you, that you beat the crap out of him.
To think that you have the stamina not just to lose in the ring, but out of the ring, repeatedly and thoroughly, just impresses the hell out of me, and it makes me so, so happy. And I’m all the happier knowing how hard you worked to make sure you’re not just a loser, but a humiliated, ridiculous, sad laughingstock of a loser.
I’m practically walking on air whenever I think about it.
So excelsior to you, Anthony. You’ve served your country well, and although you’ve already given us so much of yourself, I hope we get to see you boost our spirits for many years to come, losing, losing and losing again.
Yours lovingly,
Ben
Strap
Guest
I enjoyed the article, nothing like a bit of humour to brighten one's day. Mundine has been dishing out the verbal for years now, not sure why people complain when someone dishes it back to him.
bilo
Guest
Pathetic article. It's nothing but a gloating whinge by some bloated armchair expert.
The Barry
Roar Guru
Sorry curly. Didn't see anything in the article to suggest that the big fella is a comedian.
The Barry
Roar Guru
He played in the toughest RL comp in the world. Regularly played semi final football. Won a GF and played in another. Played state of origin. Has held world titles in boxing. Not sure how much else someone would have to do to be considered world class.
AdamS
Roar Guru
Excellent piece Ben, kudos. Well excellent right up until you used the word " excelsior" which The Man won't understand and thus after having your letter read to him, will be all confused.
polly
Guest
I understand your sentiments on the article, I did not particularly enjoy its tone either. Nor did I enjoy hearing Mundine's comment about others such as Daley, Beetson, Mrs Geale (not to forget Geale himself) etc etc, I'm sure you get the picture, so if anyone is attempting a "virtual lynching" of him then don't forget that Mundine himself is quite happy to use unnecessary vitriol to his own end. All the garbage about promoting the fight is just that, garbage. If Mundine really is a humble, polite man away from the media glare then perhaps it is about time he showed it in public, or else articles such as this will simply be the reflection in the mirror of Mundines own making.
fred gallop
Guest
Col, Your answer has nothing to do with the qn
Toa
Guest
I've tried to reason why an article like this is ever written. Understandably Ben's audience & Mudines detractors (those who struggle to separate the mouth from the athlete) are enlighten by the humour this piece delivers. The author/comedian is clearly maintaining the rage & is delighted to display the undertones of tick for tack pleasure. I for one agree that this piece is not fit for purpose for all its intensions this whole saga resembles an episode of the Jerry Springer Show i.e he started it or he said she said its childless at best. This site deserves better. Wednesday's night showdown from the undercards to the main event prove spectacular. Before you pass judgement on weather Mundines pre fight antics made you dial in or because you wanted to witness a cagy Kimbo wreck havoc find some athletic perspective and put yourself in their shoes. Being in the ring is far from easy, let's face it more of us would be participating if that was the case. Inside the ring is where it counts no man/women can mask the inner fear those boxers are feeling. The bravado, cockiness & humbleness gets left behind when the bell rings we don't have to have that reminded to them….lets move past the theatrics assess & write stories/opinions on where they loss/won the fight & needless to say where fits provide humour however this piece was well over charged.
eamon
Guest
Hey i had the first comment where has it gone?
nova
Guest
Not one of you haters hiding behind keyboards would be man enough to get in the ring with choc. He's the man and he always will be and you haters are all wimpy and pathetic. Can't wait for the rematch more of your hard earned cash to line his coffers. Love it.
nova
Guest
Ben is a bigger juvenile then choc white men can box? Gutless coward put them up or shut up. As if.
Bigg
Guest
Mace 22, you say grow up Ben for writing a very talented article of truth. Mundine is a victim, he always has been, it started in league and his arrogance towards Laurie Daley who would truly be one of the best 5/8's ever. But no of course mundine was the best or so he would tell everyone. He was denied selection in so many teams only because he was so proudly aboriginal. The great humble arther beetson was also aboriginal but there must just have been racist selectors when mundine was playing because why else would they not pick him when he said he was the best. Mundine is a victim of himself and his uneducated managers, family and friends. Greatest athlete Australia has ever seen, fair dinkum my 10 year old daughter is a better athlete and all she does is ballet!! He calls himself a role model, what a joke. Role models don't get busted doing 110km in a 40km zone on the gold coast endangering the lives of workers! That fact seems to have slipped the media somehow, I wonder why. Probably because he would cry racist police for pulling him over.
Jason
Guest
Actually nickoldschool I'd hazard a guess Mundine has more white blood in him than black, making him part of a community of 'victims' as well as 'us white ppl'...
me too
Guest
juvenile humor - get a job with 'zoo' magazine.
dasilva
Guest
I think people kind of missed the point of the article which wasn't just a dig to Anthony Mundine You know the whole point of Mundine having a loudmouth and acting all arrogant was that if you talk loud and arrogant, people will pay to see you lose. Mundine deliberately maintain the villain of the fight, before, during and after the fight. Mundine delivered on that by playing the role perfect. He wanted us to hate him and take pleasure of him losing and he achieved it and his after match antics make sure we savour the victor even longer. He was the "perfect" loser and he probably be counting the cash as the perfect loser
Brendo
Guest
Humour is the ability to put a person in a good mood through amusment. This is just sad.
LegsMSRLFC
Guest
"I remember the first time you caused joy to swell in my heart this way. It was the 1999 NRL grand final. You lost that day too. You lost spectacularly. I mean, a bunch of other guys blew that big halftime lead too, but it was your central part in the losing process that won me over more than anything.", this is possibly the greatest paragraph I have ever seen, cheers Ben. Up the Storm!!!
Parisien
Guest
Hi Ben Normally I like your articles and find them funny but not this time unfortunately. The Mundine-Geale fight is big news and I understand journalists all want to have a piece out on it to attract readers but I think you lay it on a bit too thick with a bit too much sarcasm. Also, Mundine has clearly divided people with his provocative comments and behavior and your article might just unwittingly give more fuel to further negativity when really Geale showed the best way to answer is by being graceful, sporting and diplomatic when faced with poor behavior and talk. The whole story which I've followed from here in Paris is a bit sad really and best put to rest now.
AGO74
Guest
Just checked Sonny-bill williams' twitter account. It said "Ben pobjie is corrupt!!"
shane
Guest
good yarn ,,entertaining story about a cartoon character ,youve won me ben ill keep looking for your articles