Australian rugby fans deserve better

Over the last few years I have read and written numerous posts lamenting the lack of objectivity, quality and substance in the local premier rugby TV program in Australia, Rugby HQ or its predecessor, The Rugby Club.

Unfortunately this tends to spill over into match days, and when the option is not there to switch to other commentary teams, it rather spoils my enjoyment. No let’s not mince words, it downright ruins it.

As I pay good money to Fox for my sport package, and I expect a large proportion of it goes towards paying these individuals their not inconsiderable retainers, I’m entitled to this rant.

I will start with some general points and get down to individuals as we progress.

Firstly, the program is not a sitcom. Apart from Sean Maloney’s little segment (that I do find amusing) and a bit of light relief, the remainder is supposed to be an in-depth analysis of past and forthcoming games, some ‘worthwhile’ news of the local and our SANZAR partners’ scene and anything noteworthy beyond the southern hemisphere.

What I don’t want is idle chit-chat, pies smashed into players’ faces, silly quizzes between players, platitudes and generally telling me what is obvious to any 12 year old.

I want you to challenge my knowledge and enlighten me on matters that, being your average watcher, are beyond my understanding.

Did anybody see Izzy’s expression when asked in the last show – “When you got your intercept try, what did you see in Israel Dagg’s eyes?”

What? How could anybody answer such an idiotic question without sounding like a fool. ‘Unrequited love and everlasting affection’ would have been a good sarcastic answer.

It is much easier to just turn up, fill the time with ridiculous, idle and non-relevant chit chat and generalisations, collect your fees and fly back home, business class I expect.

It is a lot harder to research your subject, present succinct and intelligent points, delve into areas outside your comfort zone and challenge and educate us.

Ask the hard questions of your guests, and when one of you criticises managers, players and officials, make sure you front up when they appear in person on your show to at least allow them the opportunity to respond to your barbs.

Too often when the above person is on the program, the criticising panellist is nowhere to be seen. Greg Martin and Robbie Deans would be a classic example (and please let’s not get into the rights and wrongs of the Deans era, this is not the point of this article).

To sum it up I would like to mark you cards individually.

Nick McArdle, you seem like a thoroughly decent and nice guy, but you are not controlling you program with any level of assurance.

You let some of you panellists get away with absolute garbage, sometimes bordering on the offensive. You know who I am talking about.

You have to improve content and the quality of your panellists, if indeed it is in your power to do so.

Phil Kearns, your playing the clown act is becoming tiresome. I know you are as patriotic as the next Aussie, but you are not sitting around in your lounge with a few mates and beers chewing the fat, you are broadcasting to the nation and sometimes the world.

When you are asked for an opinion, I don’t want you to say “I can’t tip against Australia, we will beat the AB’s by 15”. I can get that down the pub.

I want you to give me a really well thought out and balanced opinion, not jingoistic drivel.

While we are at it Phil, your commentary sucks. It would be funny if it wasn’t so embarrassing and cringe-worthy. If it was in my power I wouldn’t let you anywhere near a microphone.

Greg Martin, quite often I find your comments spiteful and offensive. Your conduct towards the end of the Deans era, you’re egging-on of Quade Cooper (who wasn’t smart enough to see he was being manipulated), the escalation of the matter on the show and soliciting vague answers about the Wallaby environment without ever coming up with anything specific, quite honestly stank.

As for your spiteful and personal attack on a fellow professional, Benji Marshall, that was a disgrace.

“Too old, too fat and not good enough to play rugby.” You could have put your view across without the cheap shots, but no, you had to go for the shock headline.

What gives you the right for such a personal attack on somebody who has achieved considerably more than you (in another more competitive and cut-throat code) and, to my knowledge, has always behaved with dignity?

And personal it was, while your mates were smirking. Classless.

Finally your contributions to the show would only rate marginally above Phil’s, full of nationalistic jingoism and very little analysis or substance.

I’ll be quick on the others.

Rod Kafer you are usually the most capable analyst on the show, but in the last Bledisloe you undid all the good work with a couple of crass comments (“16th man” and “a good penalty to concede”).

Start repairing the damage please and stick to your high standards.

Brendan Cannon, haven’t seen much of you lately but no complaints, apart from the pie in the face mentioned above.

Tim Horan, I have great respect for you and I feel you do your best to give intelligent, honest and balanced views.

Nathan Sharpe, breath of fresh air, there might be hope yet.

If it is too hard to digest all this and act on it, you can always get copies of the other SANZAR partner’s rugby offerings (‘Re-Union’ and ‘Boots and All’) as training manuals. You could do a lot worse.

I know this has been a rant, but I’ve had a gutful.