The Rugby Championship progress report card

I had to admit in a recent post (when I was compared/accused of acting like a headmaster) that my father was my headmaster for years.

Great though he was the experience was awful.

If I did well it was because my dad was the headmaster, and if I did badly I was dumber than the dumbest as my father was the headmaster (by implication I had insight information) and should be doing better.

But I must have the headmaster gene, as I feel compelled and have this irresistible urge with one match to go, to produce a school/progress report on the four pupils/participants in this year’s Rugby Championship.

I know I should wait another week but I can’t help it. So here it goes:

All Blacks 8/10
My star pupil, clever, well behaved, doesn’t put a foot wrong and seem to deliver what is expected with monotonous regularity.

Teacher’s pet and despised by all and sundry because of it.

Chock full of intelligent leaders (Richie McCaw, Dan Carter, Aaron Cruden, Kieran Read, Conrad Smith), I could go on and on, smartest team on the planet at the moment by a long way.

Never seem to panic even when things are not going their way, displaying patience and self-belief, waiting for the opportunity to pounce. And when it presents itself, nailing it.

Seem to unearth a rough diamond (or no so rough) whenever the situation demands it, and the way these newcomers slot in seamlessly is a wonder to behold (Steven Luatua, Francis Saili, Tom Taylor, the list goes on and on).

Finally if there is any justice Ben Smith should be the IRB’s player of the year, is there a better player around at the moment?

Can’t wait for the end-of-year tour to see him at centre, would anybody bet against him being sensational there as well?

Springboks 7/10
My brilliant but flawed child. Unlimited but unrealised potential, spends too much time in detention (although getting better), bullies other children, one in particular, and has a tendency to lose it and lash out.

If only, but some signs that some maturity is at last visible. Not as good yet as by pet student above, but catching up fast.

I almost started believing that the Boks are at times victimised by the refs and unfairly treated on a perception based on the extreme physical way they play the game.

This after numerous articles (Brenden Nel in particular) and countless posts on various forums.

After last weekend I am sorry, I don’t buy it any more.

Following two weeks of articles relating the unfairness of the Auckland test, the victimisation of the Boks, the highlighting of the forearm/elbow assault, what happens?

Flip van der Merwe launches a Graylingesque forearm arm assault on Joe Tomane, and gets cited for it.

And no, before somebody asks, Ma’a Nonu’s brainless shoulder charges are not in the same category, trying to send somebody flying doesn’t in my book equates to trying to take somebody’s head off.

Even more astounding as I write this is the non-citing of Jannie de Plessis for the finger rake of Stephen Moore’s face, from the back no less. That was nothing short of appalling, and cowardly.

Some leaders in the pack but apart from Jean de Villiers the rest of them seem to me more the fire and brimstone ones, while what they really need are the ‘calm things down and diffuse situations’ ones.

So sorry my problem child, you will never reach your full potential until you sort your darker side out.

Potential doesn’t always equate to achievement but if you ever sort you problems out you could be truly frightening. And to solve them look inwardly, not outwardly, otherwise you run the danger of missing the point completely.

Pumas 6/10
Ah, my immigrant child. Still struggling with his English, still not quite fitting in but a tough little bugger all the same (I know not very headmaster language).

Has a struggle in front of him and a number of shortcomings, but I feel he will fight his way to or near the top table.

Trying to help him by bringing in a special needs teacher, Ted somebody or other, and it seems to be working.

Making good and discernible progress and with lots of potential, especially when they get more subtlety into their play.

Still try to outmuscle and out-scrum everybody (quite successfully) and when they recognise and put more emphasis on other parts of their play they will be a force to be reckoned with.

Charismatic leader in Juan Martín Fernández Lobbe and a few others helping out. Really like what I see. But to the fans (or a small proportion of them), lose your love affair with the lasers. And by all accounts a wonderful place to tour.

I have great hopes and a warm feeling about my little immigrant boy and if I was a gambling man, I would bet on him to succeed.

Wallabies 4/10
Just when you think you have cracked it something inevitably bites you in the bum. My school average was looking good until I had to mark my real problem child.

Not very bright (actually quite dumb), timid and tends to get bullied.

Every so often there is a hint of a fight in there, but it soon gets extinguished by another thrashing by the bullies, and not just the Boks, everybody is joining in the ‘fun’, even teacher’s pet at the top.

I thought the problem was the previous form master so replace him by an ambitious, loud, up-and-coming one, but oh dear, if anything we have gone backwards.

My gut tells me there is troubles at home, his older brother (10-15 years ago) was bright, intelligent and an absolute achiever.

I am at the point of calling in the social services and he will certainly have to repeat the year, no other alternative I am afraid.

I see three massive problems with the Wallabies.

Firstly, the current set up seems incapable of producing any forwards of note (long, long standing and un-addressed problem).

The second is that the same set up that used to produce some of the most intelligent and smartest players and leaders around (Nick Farr-Jones, John Eales, Michael Lynagh, Stephen Larkham to name a few) is dismally failing to do so now.

There isn’t one single player in the current Wallaby set up that is capable of altering the game plan on the ‘hoof’ or galvanising/motivating the rest of them into action.

That is exactly what last weekend’s test was screaming for after the first 10 minutes.

As my learned friend Biltongbek (who talks a lot of sense) put it in a recent article:

“The players will learn to adapt and he will have learnt the ‘Aussie’ way is not the right way, it has everything to do with balance and being able to read the situation from one play to the next.”

And there is the third problem in my opinion. After a few months, McKenzie is not displaying clarity of thought and any discernible plan.

Quite the opposite, run everything one week, kick everything the next week, shift players around positions.

I would expect by now to be getting some idea of how he intends to play the game (even with bad results), but I see nothing, zilch.

If that was the case the results might be palatable, but at present he is just floundering.

When his predecessor some time ago (and in the middle of the witch hunt) made the statement that players at this level “should be able to play what is in front of them”, he was derided and ridiculed by certain sections of the fans and media as being clueless and having no game plan.

How right he was.