I don’t know if you are aware of this, but right now, there are Australian cricketers in India. I know what you’re thinking: why are these pampered nancies gallivanting off on an exotic holiday when they should be preparing for the Ashes?
But perhaps you misunderstand: these Australian cricketers are in India, playing cricket.
Because Cricket Australia made them go.
This is a seriously worrying development. Playing cricket in India carries with it many risks, including:
1. Being poked in the eye by James Faulkner.
2. Being humiliated by your opponents successfully completing the second-highest run chase ever, with only one wicket down and six and a half overs to spare.
3. Gastro.
4. Having nobody in Australia care in the slightest.
The first three are bad enough, but the last one is particularly insidious and damaging.
A lot of people talk about how there is too much pointless, meaningless one-day cricket played around the world, but it’s important to look at the issue calmly and rationally and agree with them.
I do wonder if there was some talented young executive at Cricket Australia, in a meeting to decide what to do about the waning popularity of the 50-over format, who had a lightbulb come on over his head and excitedly suggested to his colleagues:
“I’ve got it! The way to make 50-over cricket more popular is to put on a lengthy series in India in the lead-up to the Ashes that most people won’t even realise is happening!”
I’m sure it is working a treat.
Look, there is just no justification for this series. By which I mean, there is justification, but it’s a horrible justification to do with pay TV and doing whatever India tells us.
It is a series which will not tell us anything – no questions of sporting supremacy will be settled, no ferocious and storied rivalries will be continued or ignited, no selection dilemmas will be resolved.
No international goodwill will be spread by the series, no dissemination of the gospel of cricket will take place.
Apparently the result could have some effect on the international ICC rankings, which is to say, this series which nobody cares about may, possibly, if things go a certain way, have an impact upon something else that nobody cares about.
But the thing that kills me is that I do care. I was actually really chuffed when Australia won the first game, and really sad when they lost the second to that absurd run chase.
But I shouldn’t care. It’s a series we shouldn’t care about, and which should never have existed, but I’m such a lost cause I still find myself investing emotional capital in the result.
How can I not care? I’m an Australian cricket fan: I care when Australia plays cricket. I’m not saying that losing an ODI in Jaipur has the same effect on my soul as surrendering the Ashes, but I do care.
And hopefully the players do too – they’re representing their country after all.
Tell the player who manages just the one game for his nation in his career that he shouldn’t have cared about it because it was in India in October, or in Dubai during football season. Or any of the other times and places that tend to host games of minuscule relevance to anyone and mainly exist to provide easy pickings for illegal gambling syndicates.
Moreover, of course, selectors are still watching, and a pointless game can be the difference between being allowed to play in an important one or not.
So yes, I care, and I think though I’m in the minority, I’m not alone. But I don’t want to care.
I don’t think it’s right that I care.
Sport, even at its apex, is a frivolous and essentially meaningless pursuit: it doesn’t, in any real sense, matter.
But there’s not mattering and not mattering – good sport nourishes our spirit through its very not-mattering: the unimportance is what makes it important.
But there’s a point at which sport reaches a sort of critical mass of irrelevance: it’s now so unimportant that it becomes an offence to the intellect.
In the world of limited-overs cricket we long ago reached this critical mass.
So for the love of god, bring our boys home. I can’t go on feeling this dirty sense of shame from caring so deeply about something I care so little about.
Don’t risk any more poked eyes. End it now, and let’s concentrate on the real thing: Twenty20 cricket.
Floyd Calhoun
Guest
Ease up Martin. Poby and I have never even met! I liked his article though.
A punter
Guest
Don, Fair point but It's the way they are scheduled. There seems to be only 3 rounds before the test matches this year which is less than last year. I might be wrong. Can any one confirm?
Don Corleone
Guest
@The Facts You are making far too much sense.
Don Corleone
Guest
If you haven't watched it, how can you comment with any credibility?
Don Corleone
Guest
Sorry mate, there will be 10 rounds of Sheffield Shield this season...the same as there has been for many years. In fact, in the late 70s there were only 8 or 9 rounds of Shield played.
IT Professional
Guest
Yup and part of that money will again make its way back to Australia through Aussies players in million dollar paychecks thanks to IPL largesse.
Floyd Calhoun
Guest
Gold!!
Timmuh
Roar Guru
Coming off Pakistan's recent loss to Zimbabwe, that was a major shock. Yes, the UAE conditions work against South Africa but for them to lose, and so comprehesively, was still a big surprise.
SVB
Guest
I'd hardly call 50 over cricket instant gratification.You might have a point with T20. Although the world we live in today, does anyone have the time to watch 5 days of a cricket match? Or does any one want to with the entertainment choices we have?
Timmuh
Roar Guru
BK, the difference is Australia can't play at home either.
Timmuh
Roar Guru
I will assume the term being sought after was "sour grapes". Sore grapes can occur if you forget to wear a protector when batting. That aside: - Champions Trophy, nobody in Australia cared the times we won it either - India would have won that World Cup with or without the IPL. The problem with the IPL is it is being used to dominate cricket, and T20 more broadly seems to be destroying the fabric of the game rather than adding to it.
Hookin' YT
Guest
SVB instant gratification for limited attention spans. -- Comment from The Roar's iPhone app.
A punter
Guest
Clavers, I can't see both short forms surviving but I fear that T20 will eventually win out.
A punter
Guest
I think that is irrelevant.
A punter
Guest
@Don, What Sheffield Shield? The competition has become a joke! Not enough games being played to develop first class cricketers in the country. And choosing players for test matches based on ODIs is a big mistake. To the cricketing public, the game is not about just money. Sutherland and his clowns are turning cricket in this country into circus for dollars.
Gav
Guest
Watch this interview, and tell me if James Sutherland inspires confidence! http://www.cricket.com.au/about-us/high-performance-cricket/staff/pat-howard
Clavers
Guest
Both 50 over ODIs and T20s should be replaced by 35 over cricket, which should be played as a part of test tours, not as separate tours.
SVB
Guest
Apart from when Australia plays England in the Ashes, how full are the stands at a Test Match in Australia? Didn't they get a few thousand in Test Match in Hobart between Australia and Sri Lanka not long ago. I'd love to see when the WI , NZ or Pakistan tours next time. Maybe the Indians prefer the skill, flair and adventure used by batsmen in a limited overs match. A different attitude to the laid back Aussie who likes the slow, patient innings. Did you ever think about that? Or do all Aussie cricket fans think the whole cricket world revolves around them?
Hookin' YT
Guest
I agree. We should cut ourselves off from India. Their 1 billion passionate about cricket is all limited overs anyway, the test stands are empty. Limited attention span? Srinivasan is a crook and the BCCI a cancer. Lets do it. -- Comment from The Roar's iPhone app.
SVB
Guest
This whole thread is hilarious. India, a nation of 1 billion people all passionate about cricket. Centre of the cricket world where all the money is made..and they're going to listen to Australia about how to run their cricket? Seriously? Australia should just play the Ashes every year, because that is all they seem to care about. Their battles against the mother country. If you don't like how India run their cricket then don't tour there on principle. It is a bit arrogant and hypocritical to have a go at the Indians when England and Australia were in India's position 30 years ago, and were making decisions in their own interest. In the end there are far more people on this planet interested in the cricket going on in India , then there is in an Ashes Test Series. That's where the money talks.