In a stunning piece of psychological skulduggery the English rugby league side put into motion a brazen and nefarious plot to undermine the Australians before their opening clash at the Millennium Stadium later this week.
And what is this dastardly deed you ask?
Sabotaging the Kangaroos training facilities? Using a grossly oversized tournament football? Naming a centre who could actually outrun the Duchess of York?
No, it is instead the host nation’s dismal 15-14 loss to World Cup newbies Italy in a warm-up clash in Salford on the weekend.
For what on the outside may look like the most embarrassing English performance since Eddie the Eagle, is actually a Red Hall herring that could propel Steve McNamara’s men to glory.
Let’s have a closer look at the facts shall we.
Traditionally Australian sides in the northern hemisphere have been most susceptible in their first match on tour.
Despite this fact coach Tim Sheens has chosen to forgo a warm up match, in favour of some opposed training sessions and trying to get Paul Gallen to share his Tiny Teddies with Nate Myles.
We have been told that the side will not be taking England lightly in their first up match.
To be fair though we were also told the players would be on a short leash and be getting down to business immediately, only for Josh Papalii to be mugged in the wee hours after a Tuesday nightclubbing session.
Which, considering how scary Papalii looks at three o’clock in the afternoon let alone three in the morning, probably indicates that something quite serious has gone awry in the planning stages of the Australian campaign.
For a long time now Australia would have been planning to bring crashing back down to earth an English side busy clearing their calendars for knighthoods ceremonies after thumping the Italians, but now?
They’re sitting around in their hotel rooms reading about how England may have to play the Ashes against Parramatta, or at least put Mal Reilly in the side, and subconsciously the Australian players begin to relax a little bit.
Hell, maybe they’re even -gasp- feeling a bit sorry for the poor old Poms.
Come the end of the week though and the four thousand at Salford are replaced by 50k in Cardiff and its half-time before the Kangaroos realised they’ve been hustled. Bait-switch, and the Kangaroos are on a semi-final collision course with the slow burning Kiwis.
The sting is on I tell you, and unless Sheensy wakes up and smells the mini sachet of Instant Roast we could be in all sorts.
Also, on another note it was interesting to see that in the match prior to England versus Italy, the England Knights team put the cleaners through a Samoan side containing a host of NRL talent 52-16.
While I don’t want to be a suspicious Aloysius, the bloke wearing Sam Burgess’ jersey versus the Italians weighed about 70kg and had red hair, while the Samoans were terrorised by a massive bloke who kept waving to a blonde lady in the crowd sitting next to Russell Crowe.
In short the English are proving themselves to be strategic geniuses of the Cup and will need to be watched at every turn.
I think…
Scotty
Guest
Why did you post on this page then Birdy? If you don't follow the game at all, and don't care, why bother? I must admit I'm a Union man myself these last 35 years or so, by I still have a fond regard for the game played by the men from the docks of Balmain.
Colin McCann
Roar Rookie
I think it's a pretty big stretch to say a poor England performance is somehow indicative of pending success. That would be dependent on a) England getting a big, positive, emotional jump out of losing, rather than the reverse, and b) Australia letting off. I don't think either of those are likely, under the circumstances. That's what we heard about the Wallabies going into the Bledisloe after all. Even if we assume it'll fire up England, you may not be able to put a stat on heart but sometimes it just can't overcome talent, size, training, and technique.
Maroon Blood
Guest
At least Ch 7 know what the punters want.......not to see Mr Waterhouse's face on their TV that's what!!
Maroon Blood
Guest
Who DOESN'T have digital TV these days? You would feel sorry for someone so tight-arsed not to buy a $59.99 set-top box because they don't get to watch the RLWC live? Stiff bikkies I say!
Birdy
Guest
You're absolutely right mate - the English have no idea about world class sports science compared to the Aussies, as the Olympics clearly showed. Although, maybe the few dozen fat blokes in the north of England who actually play the snore fest called 'League' may not be up to speed; I've no idea. Neither has the rest of the country, the vast majority of whom wouldn't be bothered enough to open their curtains if the 'Kangaroos' were playing in their back garden.
bully
Guest
australia still win by 30
Debauchery Coach
Guest
Will Tom Waterhouse be providing the odds and expert commentary?
Glenn Innes
Guest
What a bunch of Australians representing a Nation where probably about one in a thousand people have even heard of Rugby League defeats the only nation other than Australia to have a genuine pro league and has the sports only true mass following in the whole northern hemisphere - and to boot the one nation this tournament really needs to fire to be a success and this is supposed to be great news?
Marldon
Guest
Nine didn't want it. They have a full schedule of 2 1/2 men reruns and biggest loser to show. At least they are good at those.
Debauchery Coach
Guest
I lost respect for Stuart the way he left the Eels. Yeah, he failed at Cronulla, but so has every other coach since 1967, including Jack Gibson. Warren Ryan is often cited as a coaching genius, yet he only won 2 titles from seven grand finals before failing badly at the Magpies and Knights. In regards to Stuart at Canberra, I think he will be successful there. The Raiders are a sleeping giant. The Raiders Group, run by smart men, has turned the club into a growing financial powerhouse with upwards of $40 million in commercial realty, the rentals from which will eventually be sufficient to run the football club. With half of the puzzle already solved, Stuart won't need too much luck to have success on the field. It will take longer than a year, but with the money now there, it will come. Some clubs - the Eels, Panthers, Manly, Souths, and even the NSWRL - are selling assets to get by. The Raiders are acquiring them.
Sledgeross
Roar Rookie
Not bagging Stuart as a player, I think as a coach he has been largely disappointing. His best achievemnt was probably taking a middling talented Sharks team to with a few tries on teh minor premiership in his first season at teh club. Besides that, he has an armchair ride at the Chooks, and we all know how he fared at teh Sharks and EEls. Lets have this chat agin this time next year to see if Im wrong. Hes got plenty of talent to work with at teh Raiders, so who knows.....
Renegade
Roar Guru
Yeah agree....the big games including all Aussie ones should prob be shown on the main channel for that reason. It wouldn't surprise me if they do decide to do that at some point during the tournament. Just to clarify, Foxtel aren't showing any games due to 7 having the exclusive rights.
Chris Chard
Expert
Sacre bleu!
Dragons Forever
Guest
Feel sorry for the buggers who don't have digital tv. Ordinary from 7 to not have the Aussie games on free to air
Debauchery Coach
Guest
Ok then. Thought you were slinging off at bush footballers. Plenty of players have ghost writers. Coaches, too. Wayne Bennett's ghost writer was Steve Crawley, the sports boss at Channel Nine. In regards to the 'game's best mind' comment, it was probably written by the editor. I know that Guru Scott has it in for Ricky Stuart, but the guy is a dual international, won 3 premierships in NRL as a player, a Clive Churchill Medal, and also a Dally M. As a coach, he won a grand final and got his team to two others. He coached Australia to 10 wins from 11 games and NSW 4 from 9. Like him or not, Stuart has achieved at the highest levels of the game as a player and coach.
Renegade
Roar Guru
Channel 7 won the exclusive TV rights.... all games are on 7mate. I don't think foxtel are showing any...
Sledgeross
Roar Rookie
Whoa! Not bagging Kents right to comment, he was obviously a decent enough player (as was Crawley from memory?)! Just having a dig at the fact he ghostwrites Rickys "columns" and the fact he is called the games best mind!
Debauchery Coach
Guest
The byline under Stuart's article said that he was the game's best mind. Probably the editor saying it, not Kent. Kent played bush football. So what. Plenty of good footballers played in the bush. Kent also played a first grade game for Parramatta (something to be very proud of) and then became a journalist. He is just as qualified as anyone here to offer comment on the game. Besides, Guru Scott says that fringe first graders become the best coaches.
BULLDOGS 4EVER
Guest
Could any one tell me why CH 9 don't have the world cup,and are Foxtel showing the games
oikee
Guest
Gordon Bennett. Gee whiz. I really love the England team, they are forever the optimists. They truely believe they know what they are doing, even thought they were being clever by turning up to altitude. The Warriors have altitude training in their gyms. It is called progress, world class sports science and everything now on your doorstep, you dont have to go to the North Pole any-more to get the best in the world training. Maybe someone should have told Steve, hehe. No, ,,,no,no,no,no,no,,,,,,as Gus would say. You want to compete against the best in the world, take a leaf out of the Islands and Kiwi's books, who now know the secret to success, get more players into the NRL. Once the code expands to 18 teams, parade your best and send out your juniors. It is a oldey but a goody, "you cant beat them, join them. " hehe. England are still 4,,,,maybe 8 years away from World Cup glory, but it is nice watching them fumble, bumble their way with the world of innocence hatched on Steve's face. He honestly believes he knows what he is doing. Lets not forget the Kiwis won the cup with experience and the help of the World's master coach in "Wayne we trust Bennett" as a cheer leader for them. hehe. I love the romance of the Poms, they really really do mean well and i cant wait to see them try hard. 8 years i give them, before the penny drops.