Introducing, Australia's next top wicketkeeping model

With the Australian team due back in the country in a few weeks to kick off Nine’s summer of international cricket™, network executives have recently announced plans for a new reality TV that goes to the heart of a key issue for Australian cricket fans.

A joint venture with Cricket Australia, Australia’s Next Top Wicketkeeper Model will pick one lucky player who will eventually replace the indefatigable Brad Haddin behind the stumps, while also taking on the role of the new face of Australian cricket in all promo activities.

With host Tim Zoehrer on board and promo billboards appearing in all capital cities, let’s have a look at the contestants in this battle behind the stumps and in front of the cameras.

Tim Paine
Pros:
– Not Matthew Wade
– Appears to be ageing in reverse
– Strong recent batting form

Cons:
– Thumb may fall off at any time
– Reverse Benjamin Button-syndrome may see him refused entry to most night spots on tour
– Inconsistent in last few years

The golden boy of the NSP just a few years ago, Paine appeared to be a near certainty for this hallowed role. A freak injury in an exhibition game changed all that, and Paine was left to pick up the pieces – along with several fragments of his index finger.

After a few tough years of battling to regain lost ground, several off-season appearances for Australia A indicate the former darling of the selectors is back on their radar. While recently beaten to T20 selection by his follicly challenged teammate Ben Dunk, TP still has a good chance of donning the gloves when Father Time finally catches up with Brad Haddin and drags him from the pitch kicking and screaming.

Matthew Wade
Pros:
– International experience
– Tough little bugger
– Appropriate height

Cons:
– International experience
– Could punch an opponent or teammate at any time
– Is Matthew Wade

After usurping Haddin in all forms of the game a few years back, Matt Wade was unceremoniously dumped by the selectors after a lean trot with the willow, and some ghastly times behind the stumps. A mediocre run with Victoria last season then saw him fall behind Whiteman and Paine in the pecking order.

With the Victorian captaincy thrust upon him this season, it’s sink or swim time for the gruff little man. The modeling challenges may prove to be a major stumbling block for the angry dwarf, who will need to keep his temper in check while being subjected to grueling photoshoots.

Sam Whiteman
Pros:
– Not Matthew Wade
– Strong batting form
– Age

Cons:
– Western Australia could secede at any time
– Justin Langer rates him

Hailing from way out west, young Sam Whiteman has been a bolter in recent years, culminating in his selection for Oz A in the off season. A strong 2013-14 domestic season with bat and gloves saw him move into pole position to take over from Haddin.

Perhaps the only threat to his imminent ascension to the national side is a potential move by WA Premier Rinehart to secede if her demands for further tax cuts are not met.

Chris Hartley
Pros:
-Best keeper in the country
– Not Matthew Wade
– Undervalued

Cons:
– Age
– Lack of hype
– Inconsistent batting form

The elder statesman of Aussie keepers, Hartley has been maintaining a standard of quiet excellence for a decade now up north. While the NSP may be hesitant to pick a player not as renowned for his batting, our bowlers would certainly be happy with a brilliant gloveman like Hartley behind the sticks.

Peter Nevill
Pros:
– Not Matthew Wade
– Plays for NSW
– Toughened up playing for a Victorian side in BBL

Cons:
– Stuck in ongoing understudy role behind Haddin with NSW
– Surname appears to be missing an ‘E’

P-Nev, as he’s known by the Sydney glamorazzi, has been a strong performer with bat and gloves for the Blue Baggers in recent years. His biggest challenge is changing the perception on him being a backup keeper, given his ongoing number two status with NSW during the Haddin era.

Obviously still in the selectors’ thoughts due to Australian squad selection in recent years, P-Nev needs to smash it out of the park this year to force his way in to the national side.

Tim Ludeman
Pros:
– Not Matthew Wade
– Fairly consistent form
– Interesting surname

Cons:
– Rapidly receding hairline
– His state is 30 minutes (possibly 30 years) behind the rest of the country
– Probably the second best keeper in SA, behind Darren Berry

A rank outsider at best for higher honours, Ludeman has still been a consistent performer for the Redbacks in recent years, and has earned his place on the show.

While Whiteman remains a strong favourite to win the competition, outstanding performances on the field or the catwalk by the other contestants could see an upset victory in this battle for the ages. Tune in to Channel Nine this summer to find out who will become Australia’s next top wicketkeeping model!