After another week of slipshod cattle trading in Australian rugby league, the NRL has announced it will try to collar the open market with a set of regulations designed to control future inter-league beef transfer.
Up until now, chief executive David Smith has paid full regard to the game’s time-honoured principle of reactiveness by allowing the market to gently descend in to a mild state of chaos before intervening.
It means all stakeholders have had their fair shot at rorting the pliable and somewhat non-existent framework that has previously existed.
However, with scuttlebutt and personal reasons up 45 per cent on last year, not to mention a record-breaking 67 contract offers already coming from Canberra this summer alone, Smith has been forced in to action after realising that trade practices had slumped to levels that are low even by the NRL’s standards.
Thanks to another vintage display of bogus scooping from The Roar, we have managed to obtain a draft copy of the new legislation. As you will see, they aim to flush clean a marketplace that has become criminally opaque, with strong prerequisites set out for greedy players, disingenuous administrators and the shady reptiles of the player agent industry.
NRL trade regulations
By D. Smith and an expensive task focus group
Rules for renewals of contract
A contract extension agreement will be deemed ineligible for registration unless the following requirements are met by all parties throughout the negotiation process.
1. The club must:
a) Table an initial contract offer that is insultingly paltry, below market standard and blamed entirely on salary cap pressures.
b) Upon rejection of this offer, then make a second adjusted offer of minor improvement, with negotiations stepped up in the public forum via a club administrator stating to a media scrum that ‘the ball’s in their court’.
c) Upon reaching agreement, then make assurances that the player ‘was never leaving’ despite using his car parking space as a bargaining chip in negotiations with other players.
2. The player must:
a) Spend a minimum of seven days linked with an opposition club (see guide below for acceptable suitors).
c) Make a public plea for a quick resolution to the negotiation process, and follow this with an assurance that ‘it won’t be a distraction’ to his team, despite him prolonging the process by digging in for a few extra g’s.
c) Publicly state that he ‘can’t see himself playing anywhere else’ before being sighted on a guided tour of an opposition club ‘just to check out their facilities’.
d) Compel his agent to leak the number of rival suitors chasing his signature using the manager’s formula of the truth multiplied by five, and include in this number any organisation who has made inquiries including amateur clubs and fast-food outlets.
Minimum requirements for links with opposition clubs
No contract will be accepted until sufficient proof of dalliances and grapevining with rivals can be provided, up to and including at least one the following prerequisites:
a) Prior to reaching terms, the player must have spent the customary length of time linked with the Roosters and/or the Raiders, or
b) In the unlikely event of these two clubs not nibbling, player linkage must be achieved with an alternative suitor appropriate to weight of profile, using the following guide.
Elite profile with high global demand: French rugby
Elite profile with high domestic demand: Brisbane and/or Souths
Reasonable profile and desperate: Australian rugby
Low profile/final contract of career: any remaining NRL club
Criminals with high risk of recidivism: English Super League
Is this guy crackers?: Greater Western Sydney and/or Cronulla
Rules for new recruits
1. A contract for a new recruit to a club will not be registered with the NRL unless:
a) The player is trumpeted upon his securing as ‘one we’ve had our eyes on for a while’ despite him being 31, bone-on-bone in one knee and playing NSW Cup.
b) The signing is announced via social media prior to the player signing a contract, and
c) The player has signed after reneging on an agreed contract with another club, and has done so after an emotional bonding moment post a premiership win, due to homesickness, or because planes don’t fly when it rains.
2. A contract for a player with a history of criminal activity will not be registered with the NRL unless:
a) It is made clear to the public that he is on his ninth and final chance.
b) That the choice to ban alcohol consumption is left up to the player, despite psychological testing showing he has the decision-making abilities of a toddler, and that his Memorandum of Understanding was signed on the back of a coaster with a Keno pencil,
c) That his contract is lined with conditions relating to discipline-related restrictions that are never made public nor enforced until either sponsors run for the hills, or the club is required to offload personnel to create cap space.
Under no circumstances will the following contract types be registered:
a) Any contract brought forth from the Gold Coast Titans that doesn’t include a miscalculation and a four-bedroom house.
b) Any contract registering Darius Boyd that doesn’t appear to have been signed in Wayne Bennett’s handwriting.
c) Any ‘clandestine’ deals that have been denied for at least six weeks after reaching ‘worst kept secret’ status.
d) Any contract lodged by Brian Waldron, Todd Carney or Manfred Moore.
Now it’s over to the fine legal minds of The Roar. The NRL needs your help to tidy up an area of the game that has descended to a state where handshake deals trump signed contracts and the excuses of ‘business’ and ‘loyalty’ are interchanged at convenience.
What conditions would you suggest to improve the NRL’s new guidelines for recruitment, retention and cattle trading?
Casper
Guest
Player managers, the bane of our games existence? Is there some way of getting them out of the picture!! Implement a process where the managers have to verify any 'interest' by NRL clubs or ESL clubs in their clients by producing an 'expression of interest' document to the NRL with a contract figure listed. Implement a contract document that has the player agree to honour their valid contract or they forfeit future funds plus a penalty backdated for breach of contract.. Or a simpler system, ban player managers.
Russell Johnson
Guest
Terrific piece and just what all the silly bits of RL need to show them up for what they are.
Justthetip
Guest
Swings and round dragons fans. It'll get better. An issue I hardly ever hear brought up is the advantage Sydney based teams have over mainly the warriors and cowboys. Now both sides form can be shaky but they are certainly handicapped by the enormous amount of travel they do. The cowboys are basically unbeatable at home and terrible on the road. There is no compensation for these sides who have to bear not only the monetary costs of travel. They also are hampered by the amount of extra travel they do. This can impact on training, injuries etc etc. you can't help the locality of the teams but afl and other sports give their new teams and travelling teams extra draft picks and huge amounts of cash. Afl is a stupid game and league is a lot more entertaining but are focused on surviving in Sydney against the threat of soccer, afl and union. Strength in the proferal teams creates a lot more interest and excitement in a wider area and with a larger population. This could only benefit leagues appeal in Sydney. The only real knocking point people have against league is it's narrow market. Rugby is usually a softer more boring version of league and soccer is an entirely different game whose fans were previously supporting overseas teams. These fans aren't going to stop liking league because they like soccer. I pray that Jarryd Hayne makes some sort of impact in the NFL because that's the sort of marketing you can't pay for. Our rugby league athletes are widely seen as superior. The reason we lose players to other codes and don't steal any back is not only about the money. Very few union players (and mainly backs) could make the transition to league. And I doubt there would be more than 3 players from all other Australian sports that could make the change. Leagues the toughest and best game and we should talk about that more when we lose a player. I honestly believe there would be very few players that have left to another code and are satisfied there new on field challenge is greater than what they had in league. Hayne excluded!
Justthetip
Guest
Burgess will be back. Sonny Bill could never handle season after season of nrl (he even admitted this) and wouldn't be the same player we saw in his first year back. He was ordinary in his second season as niggling injuries mount. Folau has proven to be easily replaced.
Silver Sovereign
Roar Rookie
Since contracts don't mean a thing anymore, it seems to be every man for themselves. Contracts could probably be used in the bathroom if the leagues club is running short on toilet paper
Cadfael
Roar Guru
Loved the satire. Problem is that this is a problem that is only getting worse. Players and their managers have become masters at using outside interests to drive up contract prices. Easts, Brisbane and/or Souths are interested. Offers from ESL clubs much better than their own club can offer. Super Rugby clubs are sniffing around to sign the player. French and Japanese rugby clubs are offering an arm and a leg, one reported French club is offering a vineyard on top of contract monies so the players club needs to come to the party quickly. I hate to use rugby and AFL as an example but both codes seem to manage their player transfers so much better than the NRL. Why? perhaps Mr. Smith can explain why.
Ian Whitchurch
Guest
"his Memorandum of Understanding was signed on the back of a coaster with a Keno pencil," - laughed out loud at that
pjm
Roar Rookie
You can't blame the NRL for being reactive as the clubs have admitted themselves that they will find every loop hole available and you are never going to be able to close all of them until they appear.
Statler and Waldorf
Roar Guru
So, nothing changes then :)
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Remiss indeed. I blame the task focus group. Alarm bells should've rung when they said they accepted payment in cash or meatlovers pizza.
Patrick Effeney
Editor
Sensational piece friend. I do, however, find it rather remiss of you to neglect the legislation around the aftermath of the process. For players leaving their current club for a new one must: - suffer a 'form related' dropping, as they just haven't quite been up to standard, despite being the current state of origin and/or kangaroos representative. - insist that despite the move they are '100% committed' to their current club - clubs have no obligations on the second point, except to insist that they wish the player well before dropping him for the final six weeks of the season, and sending out seven media releases in the coming days announcing the signing of players even the most die hard of jersey Flegg fans find hard to recall ever reading on a team sheet
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Cheers guys, much appreciated! And I can't believe they forgot to include a boat clause. Shall have to suggest that for Dave's second draft.
Jay C
Roar Guru
That is an epic kudos, and well deserved.
Jay C
Roar Guru
I like how it is in keeping with current practices. I would add; All contract signings must be accompanied by a 3 hour 'Lebron' style media event. The NRL administration will be prescribed little blue pills to assist with it's flaccid new ability to 'top up' player contracts. (Citing 3 of the biggest stars leaving within 9 months of the rule change being announced) All players must sign contracts to play with Canberra for ridiculous amounts of money, to use as a bargaining tool when searching for real contracts. All third party payments are to be paid in either; Large cotton Bags with Dollar signs printed on, Paper Bags left in secret locations to be collected at a later time or, Boats for their Dads
MAX
Guest
Sensational piece Dane, Your insight is exceeded only by your intelligence and an indestructible sense of humour.