It surely cannot just be me who thinks the Channel Nine cricket commentators represent the lowest in commentating standards across the sporting codes.
Two Tests in and I’m already trying to figure out how to invent a device that removes the lag between the radio commentary and the TV broadcast (the inventor of such a device is worthy of a Nobel prize by the way).
Of course, Channel Nine cannot be entirely blamed for this.
No one expected the late Tony Greig to pass away much younger than deserved, nor did they plan for Richie Benaud’s ailing health. Bill Lawry (of whom I wasn’t the biggest fan but now miss terribly) is getting on and rightfully wants to step away.
Fair enough. Regeneration of the commentary box, much like the cricket team, was enforced.
However Channel Nine can and must take the blame for the direction that the commentary box is heading. Research, insight and expertise has taken a back seat for shenanigans and boorish commentary splashed with an unprecedented level of hyperbole.
The team is split into two camps: Ian Chappell and Mark Nicholas in one corner, the rest of the swill in the other. The difference in abilities and commentary is obvious from the first ball.
Chappell and Nicholas, I guarantee, would be the only two who could write the starting XI for each Test team. James Brayshaw, for example (and whom much of my anger is directed at), might have to be told there are 10 Test teams before he goes about writing it. He and the rest of his clique appear like they don’t have a clue about cricket outside of Australia, and it’s leading to a severely diminished product on TV.
References to “that young lad from South Africa” or “the bloke from Sri Lanka” don’t look good and are tiresome.
Brayshaw not knowing a single thing about Wriddhiman Saha and assuming this was his first Test in Australia was pathetic. That his colleagues couldn’t correct him was worse.
The partisan commentary, dare I say it, is worse than watching Indian commentators ply their trade at Indian home games. Sorry guys, but you can’t excuse the umpire when they make a mistake that is fortunate for Australia and then rip into them when they make a mistake that hurts Australia. Your fifth day Adelaide commentary was embarrassing. Your inability to understand how DRS still wouldn’t have helped Australia was worse. DRS cannot overturn ‘umpire’s call’. Stop thinking it can.
Mark Taylor cannot commentate while he holds a Cricket Australia board position. He is as impartial as an episode of the Bolt report. Memo to Taylor: When Australia are 9/90 as they were in the 2010 Ashes, they aren’t “just a couple of boundaries from getting back in the game”.
Listening to the decline of Michael Slater has been the most awful part. He did his apprenticeship in the box in England 10 years ago. He was excellent. He was knowledgeable, insightful and entertaining. Above all, he was impartial. He is none of those now. He is excruciating, one-eyed and just unfunny. Why Slats, why? Just because you have to commentate with Brayshaw doesn’t mean you have to act like him.
Ian Healy is terrific when interviewed on the radio. Again, knowledgeable, insightful and impartial. Why drop the banner on Channel Nine Ian? The same people who listen to the radio listen to you on the TV too. Why change? Why not be like Ian Chappell: consistent for any station, any network, any website across the globe.
Shane Warne is another example. In the UK he is terrific, here he isn’t.
Why does Channel Nine need to insist on having its commentary team pander to the lowest common denominator? Actually, that’s not right. The lowest common denominator in this country is significantly higher than what Channel Nine seem to believe it is.
People used to mock the old guard – Billy Birmingham made a fortune doing it. But comparing them to this…
The tragic thing is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Healy, Taylor and Slater weren’t always acting like this. When they were in the company of Greig, Benaud et al, they were decent. They can be that way again.
In my opinion, sacking Brayshaw from duties would be a good start. Taylor excusing himself from the commentary team while he is a board member would be handy too. Elevating Hussey to a greater role (he is smart and knows almost all the international cricket because of his IPL experience) would be warmly welcomed. Telling all of them to at least do some basic background research of the opponents would be invaluable.
There are no excuses these days, even if you can’t watch the actual matches overseas, there is a treasure trove of highlights on Youtube to help you.
Come on Channel Nine. You can be better than this. We deserve better.
mike
Guest
commentators poor, Mark Taylor a boring, Michael Clark is boring bring in someone who has goo sense of humor Miss Tony Grieg and Bill Lawry, great banter between them Try Andrew Simons
adrian
Guest
With Styen not able to participate is SA allowed to use a substitute.
maureen fisher
Guest
as a south australian, I was thrilled to see young Kane Richardson called up for national duties in OD game, get 5 wickets and then named man of the match, but this morning (23 Jan), shocked to hear Mark Taylor say that he felt Hastings should have got the honour not Richardson. I don't understand his reasoning despite Hastings being more experienced and a support for younger bowlers, it was Richardson that got the 5 wickets.
Ruphus West
Guest
Agree, Channel None drags and has become so yobbo (Is bogan the new yobbo?) it is embarrassing at times. These were great players and they could be so much better commentators. Who is James Brayshaw.. don't remember him playing for Australia? And what's this about a Manhattan? are you trying to creep in more Americanisms on to television? We are Australians.. COME ON! Keep it real, you blokes: we step up to a CREASE not a plate. We don't hit anyone with a baseball bat.. when will these hooligans start to use cricket bats instead? Regards, Ruphus West, Ex Cricketer, Water Polo, Rugby and Rugby League; player, TV and radio commentator/presenter.
rob
Guest
please comment the game don't coach it the its no wonder a lot of people turn you lot off and go to the abc radio a lot off has been in the box
Michael
Guest
Brayshaw has not improved despite all the adverse comments about his commentary. I rarely watch the coverage with the sound turned up - can't stand the bloke, locker-room, in-joke "humour". Today, wanted to watch the end of the West Indies innings, had the sound up (by mistake) and heard them crapping on about the Toyota cars that they drive - who gives a shit? Then Warne repeated himself, twice offering his opinion that lunch break should be ten minutes. Healy STILL doesn't know when to shut up! Oh for a Michael Holding, David Lloyd,Jim Maxwell, even Bill Lawry Ok compared to these idiots. Great cricketers, certainly, but no idea about the art of commentating, or public speaking. "Slats", "Warnie", "Binga", "Heals", "Tubby" - really classy, Channel 9!
Jumbo
Guest
Come on Chappelly, why have you stopped calling a spade a spade. Our quick bowlers constantly bowl rubbish, they bowl no balls, why does the captain not move the bowlers mark as the bowler seems incapable of doing it themselves. Why do they not bowl Yorkers to tail end batsmen, why is there not more chin music. Why does the captain let things drift. Bring back lillee to bowl bouncer and Thommo to teach the sand shoe crusher. Why do commentators cover up for the Australian side, why does Chappelly not say how it how he feels, bring back the old Chappelly. Regards Jimbo
M.miller
Guest
I can no longer listed to the crap commentary dished out by Taylor,Warne and Healy. Get over yourselves. Mark Taylor is the worst. Surely Channel nine can find commentators with an IQ higher than a goldfish!
Chris White
Guest
Why do commentators on the Channel 9 cricket coverage embellish, make up and try to create fictitious situations when commentating. Mark Slater and James Brayshaw would be better writing fictitious novels with their commentary at the end of the third test against New Zealand. They questioned where Nathan Lyon and Josh Hazelwood were but I tend to think that neither of them were watching to actual game but reading a script from some of the comments and claims they made. And WHY do commentators keep saying if only the had made another 20 runs or and how would Australia feel if they were chasing another 20 runs when the fact was they did not so why even raise it
j long
Guest
please take mike off Mark Taylor he goes on and on and spoils the watching we can see what is happening without his boring comments
Claude Bottom
Guest
On the rare occasions when the Kiwis used to visit our shores, Nine usually had Ian Smith as a member of the commentary team. But I guess he's not really a foreigner, apart from the occasional unusual vowel sound.
Michael
Guest
Agree wholeheartedly with Bill. The commentators are so one-eyed it's not funny. Ecstatic raising of voice on an Indian wicket or Aussie 4, muted, disappointed tones on an Indian 4 or Aussie wicket. Occasionally there's grudging praise for Indian success. Channel 9 should engage an Indian commentator to provide a bit of balance? Mark Nicholas does his best, but is overwhelmed by the boorish behaviour of his colleagues. Might also tone down the biassed comments of these inarticulate, embarrassing ex-cricketers.
Barry Cumberland
Guest
Can some of the Channel 9 commentary body language experts please describe what message Shane Watson is sending to and to whom at the present time. Torture is what I am picking up and somebody who appears to be uninterested and lost. Could I suggest he tries another form of interest because cricket at the present is not doing it for him or his team.!!
Ray Bullock
Roar Rookie
Your article is absolutely right. It's embarrasing to hear the likes of Warne,Healy,Slater,Brayshaw do their thing. Taylor should not be there. Mark Waugh should not be there on 10. One man who has stepped up is Adam Gilchrist on 10. I must blame channel 9 for either directing the commentary team to behave like they do or for not getting them to pull their heads in. Just imagine if the team was Cometti,Lane,Whatley,Coward with past players doing cameos at best. I think it is an outright scam that radio and TV are not co-ordinated.
JMW
Guest
Don(ald) - the word I chose to use was quiet deliberate. I chose "dribble" over drivel as that was my take on the "beer swilling" comment. It's not rocket science. The mere fact that a few schoolboys reached a lofty status in professional sport doesn't entitle them to butcher the English language in the guise of "expert commentators." In short they add no value to me when watching a game I played for 20 years.
Don Freo
Guest
What a banal and awful comment, Barry. Do you think your comment is something special?
Barry
Guest
Micheal Clarke?? He's so banal and awful on the commentary that I really hope he recovers from his injury soon to get him out of the box.
Don Freo
Guest
JMW...so you think successful first class cricketers, Test captains and all time greats of cricket are ill-informed about cricket? Compared to...your collection of information? I suppose you expect someone to agree with you. The word, by the way, is drivel...not "dribble". There can be problems with criticizing the literacy of others.
xavialonso
Guest
I find James Brayshaw quite entertaining. Healy and Taylor are alright when they are not biased. But my favorite is Bill Lawry. He is very funny and insightful. However, I think they should sack Chappelli. He is just a cloud of negativity. There is so much grumbling I can take from a cranky old guy.
JMW
Guest
The commentary is rubbish. Ill informed and comparable to a beer swilling after match party. The fact that the newbies are illiterate and incapable of speaking correctly is even more galling. This from "Tubs", "...morons (more runs)...anythink (anything)..." Add Warne waxing lyrical about his lunchtime escapades, "...those sausage rolls and party pies were just the right temperature to smash 'em...I must have demolished a dozen of each, how many did you have Tubs?" Then there is the unashamed sycophantic fawning of Brayshaw speaking dribble in an effort to maintain the attention of the ADD Gen Y listeners. Throw in the bogan Clarke, "...he got his twenny (sic) real quick...I seen (sic) him in Brisbane..." It's cringeworthy. Great article Bill. It's a pity those who have the ability will be the least likely to take the opportunity.