An end to that other type of football simulation

I am writing to agree in part with Geoff Smith’s article yesterday, 2015 Asian Cup: The World Game needs to clean up the simulation.

Yes, simulation in all its forms is a blight on sport, not just football.

But there is another type of simulation that drives us football fans all a bit crazy, one that is almost as blatant and ugly as a swan dive in the penalty box.

It is a type of simulation carried out on many occasions over the course of many years by certain journalists and writers. These despicable acts often are played out right here on The Roar.

It is of course simulating the appreciation of football. It can almost always be identified in the first couple of paragraphs penned by writers who otherwise would seem to have little or no interest in our game.

It usually goes something like this. “The eyes of the World will be on the opening match of the (insert name of major football event). And although millions may be watching, a great many of those will be wary of what they are about to witness”.

Most of us football-canny readers can immediately identify with what is about happen next as the writer then bumbles into his own personal penalty box, unaware of the fact that we all know he is about to throw himself to the ground with nary a touch to his person.

As sure as night follows day, our intrepid writer then seeks to ‘sell us a dummy’ by establishing his football writing credentials; “I have been watching soccer for many years now. My eight year old son plays for our local suburban team, I follow the EPL results and have even been to a couple of A-League games but….”

I now invite the reader to choose from any of the following examples that inevitably follow on from the writer’s use of the conjunctive:
a) “but, when are they going to do something about the lack of goals? So many games end in a boring nil-all draw, sending us all to sleep”.

b) “but, the standard of the game in Australia is so poor compared to the EPL”.

c) “but, why would anyone want to be a supporter when flares are being thrown and hooligans are running amok on the terraces?”

d) “but, how could anyone love a game when players continue to throw themselves to the ground and feign serious injury?”

Of course while the writer is attempting this not-so elegant journalistic step-over, he actually ends up only managing to tread on the ball and tumble to the ground.

Amazingly he will often then turn and plead that his blatantly obvious simulation was not so!

How is it that he does not realise that we readers (referees one and all) having seen exactly the same act of journalistic fakery a hundred times before, instantly blow our whistle!

What is quite hilarious is they all say and do exactly the same thing every single time!

Goodness me boys and girls, if you don’t want to be ‘red carded’ again and again, you really need to be a bit more subtle, a little more creative in the way you feign support and interest of our game.

If you truly hope to score anything other than an own-goal over here on the football tab, you really need to try something different. How can anyone take you seriously as a professional writer if you continue to simulate in such an obvious manner?