March 7, 2011, will always be remembered as the day smutty television was forever changed.
After months of in-house tumult and so-called ‘moral turpitude’, it was announced that Charlie Sheen was to permanently part ways with the hit sitcom Two and a Half Men.
For those that have never watched Channel Nine after sundown, Sheen was the show’s chauvinistic centrepiece and their competitive edge as a motherload of crass filth.
However, his off-camera propensity for hard living eventually rendered him loose and unreliable, so he was punted in favour of a more obedient and bland team player in Ashton Kutcher.
Take away the sexism and contraband, and much the same has taken place at Parramatta in recent weeks.
After four rounds of plummeting ratings, coach Brad Arthur had reached the end of his tether with the skittish behaviour of Chris Sandow and was seemingly prepared to lump for Luke Kelly at halfback for the rest of 2015, after he returned two weeks of predictable and peaceful play totally free of anything unscripted.
So when Arthur was informed this week that tightwad budgeting would prevent him from casting his dutiful Kutcher-style Kelly against the Panthers, he must’ve quivered knowing of the proverbial nude escorts and disarray that awaited him on set with the enforced return of the Sheen-esque Sandow.
However, come showtime at Pepper Stadium last night, it was anything but.
An icy clinical Sandow followed the script and nailed his lines sublimely to produce a man of the match performance, guiding the Eels to a desperately needed 26-20 win over the Panthers and breathing life in to his quest for work in 2016.
Led by his workaday extras in the middle and cheered on persistently in the galleries by Andrew Johns and Brad Fittler, the whimsical playmaker produced a string of tidy kicks and level-headed decisions that were quite out of character, leaving Arthur and Eels fans equal parts chuffed and disoriented.
In an entertaining hit-out choc-a-block with injuries for both sides, Sandow owned the stage and subsequently went to town on the numbers; three tackle busts, one line break assist, one try assist, a neat give from five off the tee and, most importantly, zero second-tackle grubbers.
In a hybrid state of frustrated elation, Eels fans tore out their hair as he produced a performance we all know he is capable of – the precise balance of discipline with a dash of instinct. But another one off-Broadway show does not make a season, and after his 57th turned corner, can we confidently say he’s turned the corner?
With all due respect to Sandow, he has played with off-contract urgency in the last few months and his effort cannot be faulted. But questions linger; is he part of Arthur’s plans going forward? Does he have time to convince him if he isn’t? Or is he just a gap-fill?
Frankly, I’m just confused. But that’s natural when it comes to enigmas. I’m betting that Arthur is the same.
There’s plenty for the coach to mull, but he won’t be the first to tackle the scenario of a flighty magic mojo that randomly flickers.
Sandow’s predicament just reminds us of that age-old rugby league question: do you like your halfback a gambler or an old grey mare? Compliant and team-first or unpredictable verve and potential filth? Flighty magic or clean cut?
Whatever happens, despite his wild ways, I hope Sandow is on-set somewhere next year. After all, he is bloody entertaining overall.
Maroon Blood
Guest
I think it has always been pretty predictable that Carney was going to get himself in the poo off the field with alcohol the major contributing factor.
Jamieson Murphy
Roar Guru
I think it was always Brad Arthur's plan to bring him back into first grade after a few weeks. dropping gave Sandow the kick up the bum he needed.
fazed
Guest
I have not see enough of Robinsons kicking abilities to give me any confidence, his first go when he got all that he kicked was great, but a slide backwards since. Good call re Matterson as he can cover the forward & halfs area.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Major League... one of the greats! Chrissy is definitely Ricky Vaughan material.
Dane Eldridge
Expert
Agreed, Tim. Definitely deserves an Emmy IMO.
Dutski
Guest
If sandow takes this Sheen inspiration to heart, he could go back to some of Charlie's earlier work. The Rookie was on last night... "It's time for me to stop being scared... And for other people to start" But that also leads us toMajor League. The Wild Thing? Dangerous and erratic? Nah, these parallels are too close for comfort
Parrafan
Guest
Robinson to kick. Kelly and Sandow moved on. Norman to 7, Matterson back up half.
GTW
Guest
These poor buggers in Rugby League, they need to be boring at home and at work?
Bearfax
Guest
If Sandow could just give some of his wayward social activities the 'punt' excuse the pun, he has the talent to be one of the best half backs in the game. Just a question as to whether he can keep his eye on the ball I'd say.
Albo
Guest
Spot on Dean ! The Eels pack were awesome, especially in the first half last night against a normally pretty dominant Panthers pack. That is what gave Sandow the opportunity to strut his stuff. Such was the confidence gained there, that he even kicked goals from all over the park, something they couldn't do for the past two matches. The loss of Moylan, Soward and some dubious penalty decisions, ensured that the Eels had enough to get home and have our Sandow headline today. Lets see if he (and his pack) can do it for a few more games before we get too excited.
BlueNwhite
Guest
SOE???...State Of Errorgin?....
Jeremy
Guest
Another? NSW has no hope. Put Glen Stewart in.
Joseph Barrett
Roar Rookie
Cherbourg Qld
Squidward
Roar Rookie
I think he's a queenslander
Joseph Barrett
Roar Rookie
Oh please get off his back . Watch his value skyrocket once the NRL reduce the number of interchanges each team is allowed . Players like Sandow are instinctive players and this boring modern game of bash it up , kick or set play is just not what comes naturally . It's remarkable he has been able to evolve his game to remain in the game . Once the rotation of fresh monsters off the bench has been reduced and we once again get to see more instinctive football he will become one of the most valued halves in the Competetion .
Jeremy
Guest
Sandow for Origin.
GTW
Guest
At least he's not boring. It's an entertainment industry but unfortunately success in it depends on playing very structured football while making as few errors as possible. It's a pity that coaches spend so much time taking away the exhilarating aspects of their player's games; there really is no long term future for guys like Krisnan Inu, Sandow and Feliti Mateo in their natural state. It's a pity, but understandable given that winning pays the bills.
fazed
Guest
Sandows right boot is what may save him, yet I would rate him 3 for the #7 next year, the questions though is who would the kicker be without him? I would think Norman would be first up at 7, then it comes down to who will be preferred 7, does Arthur start using a junior but under the salary cap is a problem or sign Kelly again, along with Sandow? At the moment, the only option is Sandow, for kicking duties along with salary cap problems.
eagleJack
Roar Guru
Nah I think they have Mitch Cornish lined up for half. But I'm starting to think it will be a DCE/Carney combo in 2016.
Dean - Surry Hills
Guest
I've watched every Parra game this year, and I actually rate Sandow's performances as a whole. The Parra pack turned up last night. Lightning off their line, and eager to smash their opponents. Regrettably this is not a weekly habit for Arthur's men. When Sandow (or any other halfback for that matter) plays behind a dedicated pack his propensity to shine is manifold.