What kind of fan are you? A sport's fans lament

Being a fan of a team is one of the most addictive, frustrating and rarely enjoyable things someone can participate in.

I think ‘fan’ is actually the wrong word here; ‘fanatic’ is more appropriate. You can’t explain how or why, but a team has stolen your heart without any rhyme or reason, and suddenly life’s enjoyment hinges on the weekend’s results.

Being a fan tugs at the soul in such an irrational and emotional way. Even in those moments where your team tastes success, rarely does your fanatic’s pessimism allow for much enjoyment.

So I ask you this question, which I admittedly have failed to answer myself on many occasions. Do I support my team in this obsessive way because I am crazy, or does supporting my team make me crazy?

This is a question all sports fanatics have grappled with at some point in their one-eyed lives.

I know that I certainly don’t have the answer, but it does raise an interesting side point. What is the difference between being a ‘fan’ and a ‘fanatic’?

Sure, you could argue that I am being pedantic but I feel there is a distinct difference here.

As an example, when I meet a fellow Fremantle supporter, they have a good 30 seconds before I decide where they fall on the fanatical scale (Fanatascale? No?). Depending on where they are placed, I will adjust my topics of discussion.

For instance, if I determine that I’m dealing with a true fanatic, comparing the 2006 preliminary final team to the 2013 grand final team or lamenting the Trent Croad trade will almost certainly be on the cards. If I am dealing with a simple fan however, I will likely limit myself to discussing one of Matt Pavlich or Nat Fyfe, which will usually encompass nothing more than a ‘champions of the game’ comment. Or a ‘nose versus quads’ discussion, if we’re desperate.

So this got me thinking; how many different types of ‘fans’ are there out there? And how does one identify them?

Well the answer is within a phrase, or as I like to call it – ‘The Four Faces of Football Fandom’

OK, you got me. It’s four mainly because I have an unhealthy obsession with alliteration.

Now that we’re rolling, these are: The Fanatic, The Common Fan, The Bandwagon Fan and The Casual Fan.

So let’s start with the Casual Fan and work our way through.

4. The Casual Fan
The Casual Fan is your run of the mill, occasionally interested fan, who is just as likely to forget when their team is playing than they are to watch a full game.

My word do I hate these guys.

A Casual Fan is one of those types that strongly identifies themselves as a fan when the team is doing well, and will be conveniently absent when the same team is struggling.

Reactions to losses will hover somewhere between the ‘Ahhhh, that’s a shame’ and ‘Should we try and get the early train home?’

What a bunch of jerks.

3. The Bandwagon Fan
The Bandwagon Fan is basically a supporter who is going through puberty and is prone to fluctuating mood swings.

When the team is doing really badly, you’ll find a Bandwagon Fan attending games in neutral colours, taking an interest in new hobbies during the season and generally discussing anything but their team.

When the team is doing well however, a Bandwagon Fan will wear their team’s colours every day and will, at times, find the allure of the face painting stand too much to bear.

It can be confusing at times to distinguish a Bandwagon Fan from a Common Fan, or even a Fanatic.

But that’s why I’m here with a sure-fire way to weed these suckers out for you, and it really is quite straightforward.

Ask them any question about their team pre-dating the most recent successful period and, if they know the answer, you may just be dealing with…

2. The Common Fan
The Common Fan loves their team and supports them passionately, but will be OK to miss the game on the weekend for other engagements if need be.

Success would be nice, of course, but they will happily support their team through thick and thin. This fan will live in the moment and not stress too much about what’s to come.

They love their team but they’ve managed to avoid the grip that teams can have on the life of the complete fanatic.

Suffice to say, while being a Common Fan may sound dull, this really is the sweet spot.

1a. The Cheer Squad Fanatic
The Cheer Squad Fanatic is fanatical about their team and shares a lot of traits with the most-crazed Fanatic. However, it’s my view that this eccentric and eclectic bunch are not quite deserving of their own category.

Here’s where you’re thinking: “Hang on a minute. These guys devote hours to their team! They’re crazy!”

Alas, there is a very clear distinction between cheer squad fanaticism and straight fanaticism.

Cheer Squad Fanatics thrive on the pack mentality, where true Fanatics are less inclined to watch their team with large groups. Not to mention the fact that football or team knowledge is not a prerequisite to fly the flag behind the goals.

I did, however, wish to give credit for their commitment to the code, so have given them the 1a tag as a mark of respect. You’re very welcome, you nuts.

1. The Fanatic
If someone was to write a biography of a Fanatic, copying and pasting much of Nick Hornby’s Fever Pitch would be a good place to start.

Fanatics are irrationally passionate fans who believe no person can possibly understand their complex, and at times, disturbing emotional connection to their team.

Losses are felt particularly acutely by these types, and the hours straight after a loss can be an interesting time. Still, the hurt will pass, articles will be read, statistics analysed, and all the team’s problems will be solved.

And you can bet that they will be back, ready to ride the emotional rollercoaster again the next weekend.

Now we should all take a moment to appreciate those Fanatics that support a successful team, as this simply just adds a whole new layer to the anxiety lasagne.

For these nuts, it is always too good to be true, one loss away from it all unraveling. It is not uncommon to hear them say ‘You never get used to winning’ or ‘I never feel confident’ when asked of their team’s prospects.

This is simply because supporting a team, truly supporting a team, requires this level of scepticism. It is not about wearing a scarf, having a beer and a laugh with your mates. No. It is about sitting through two more quarters of nervous foot tapping despite being 10 goals up at half time.

If you haven’t guessed, I am quite literally the definition of a Fanatic. As such, I feel confident enough to be able to throw this ‘Think you’re a Fanatic?’ checklist at you.

– Do you prefer to watch your team by yourself or, if not in isolation, then only with individuals who have been properly vetted?

– Do you feel the need to test fellow fans to gauge whether they are worthy prior to conversing?

– Do you follow the same game-day routine as if you were a player, and feel like if you break this routine, the team will somehow falter?

– Do you cancel plans to ensure you won’t miss your team’s game on the weekend?

– Have you read this far down this article?

If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions you are most definitely a Fanatic, and I feel your pain. It is quite the sobering realisation.

Now that we’ve come this far together, I feel it is only appropriate to leave you with some further words of wisdom from Mr. Hornby.

Life isn’t, and has never been, a 2-0 home victory after a fish and chip lunch.

So you know what? Why not embrace your inner Fanatic, the pain and the anxiety that it brings?

I can’t promise you’ll feel better, but isn’t acceptance the first step?