Six profound predictions for the second half of the season

Round 13 concludes this evening, which means we have officially reached the halfway point of the 2016 NRL season. Instead of reminiscing on what has transpired, I opted to dust off the old crystal ball and have a crack at predicting what is to come.

Titans players will cancel September Bali bender
Any preseason suggestion of success for the Gold Coast Titans would have been met with a Dylan Walker-level of social media lambasting. Much like an episode of House Husbands, the Titans squad lacked talent, depth and star-power, and despite a couple of shrewd mid-season signings, it largely still does.

Despite the destitute nature of their roster, there has been no better illustration in recent memory of a team operating as a true sum of their parts than the current Gold Coast outfit. Neil Henry continues to do a phenomenal job of extracting every last molecule of rugby league from his players, and it has translated into wins. And not flukey wins either.

Often times, sides find themselves punching well above their weight (or “pulling a Merrin” as the kids say these days) thanks in large part to luck. However the Titans’ success this year is the product outplaying their opposition in every facet of the game. Despite entering most games with a distinct talent deficit, they are a side that will never be beaten on effort. Unless injuries afflict a few key squad members, I predict that the

The Titans will continue their unlikely march into Finals Football.

Laurie to ‘step down’ as NSW coach
After the Blues surrendered Game 1 in Sydney, Laurie and his staff are staring down the barrel of yet another series defeat. And while Daley’s tenure in charge of NSW has been characterised by closely fought contests, it has also been pock-marked by bewildering selections, one-dimensional game plans and Mitchell Pearce.

Teams under Daley’s tutelage have troubled the scoreboard attendants with less regularity than Shaun Marsh during a Test series, averaging only 10.2 points in the ten games he has been in charge. Sure, it isn’t all Laurie’s fault. The halves at his disposal have been mired in mediocrity; if you have to double-check Luke Keary’s State eligibility, you know your Origin campaign is on life-support.

But the sad truth is, Daley is out of ideas, and it shows on the field. His strategy of smash-mouth football backed by a precision kicking game hasn’t worked, mostly because he has never had the troops to pull it off. So with nothing left to give, I predict that Daley will step down and allow the introduction of some fresh ideas.

My early money will be on City coach and NSW legend Brad Fittler to replace him.

Dally M engraver will be forced to remove Thurston’s name from 2016 award
Michael Ennis, the NRL’s very own Benjamin Button, has been in such sparkling form this season for the Sharks that he sits among the Dally M leaders after 13 rounds. With the enthusiasm and energy of a Labrador puppy, the well-travelled hooker has been a welcome addition to the Shire over the last 18 months.

History and common sense would dictate that Ennis’ form will plunge, allowing perennial recipient Johnathan Thurston to claim the prestigious award for what seems like the 32nd consecutive year. But I don’t see it. Not this time.

Fuelled by his mystifying State of Origin snubbing, I predict that Ennis will take his well-refined grubbery to new heights of lowliness, niggling and scuffling his way to the podium on rugby league’s night of nights.

Steering around a talented Cronulla side in transcendent form will create weekly opportunities for Ennis to pinch points, and his routine appearances on NRL 360 will keep his name front of mind. Stranger things have happened (see Sean Rudder – premiership winner).

The Sharks will finally scratch their 49-year-old itch
While I find sitting on a cold wooden bench with infected haemorrhoids more comfortable than agreeing with Paul Kent, I believe he is on the money with his prediction of the Sharks finally winning it all this season. It just feels like their year. Cronulla has so many ingredients for success, even Jeff Jansz couldn’t help but knock up something delicious.

Finding the right balance between youthful exuberance and veteran experience is never easy. Ideally, every coach would love a squad with several highly paid and productive senior players combining with a host of prodigiously talented rookies locked into inexpensive contracts. This is exactly where the Sharks find themselves this season. The likes of Paul Gallen and James Maloney are delivering on their bloated salaries, but Cronulla is also getting massive returns on affordable investments like Jack Bird and Valentine Holmes.

In recent years the Sharks have been the Russell Crowe of football teams: scruffy, rough around the edges and largely unappealing to watch. They have become known for their gritty playing style, characterised by grinding out ugly wins in low-scoring matches. And while their smothering defence and hard edge remain intact, this season they also boast the offensive firepower to match it with the Broncos and Cowboys. Everything is in place for the Sharks to gain their maiden premiership, and I think they can do it.

Trent Barrett will be one and done at Manly
I was wrong about Manly. Horribly wrong. Rolf Harris wrong. I truly believed the influx of talent coupled with their existing veteran leadership would allow Cherry-Evans to take his game to the next level and forge Manly into a formidable force. But I failed to factor in the “Trent Barrett coefficient” in this equation for success.

In the rugby league equivalent of “11-Minute Abs”, Barrett was lured from the foot of the mountains by impatient Manly czar Bob Fulton as part of his one-year Master Plan. With a wealth of talent and experience surrounding him, it was assumed Barrett could simply continue with the winning culture fostered by his beloved predecessors.

However the moment Barrett named strike centre Dylan Walker in the halves, a concept as foreign to the former Rabbitoh as the Icelandic alphabet, you just knew dark times were ahead. Mediocrity ensued, a concept not tolerated by a fan-base accustomed to glory. So in true Manly fashion, I predict that Fulton will give Barrett the dreaded tap on the shoulder and go off to buy himself a new coach. Former Sea Eagle Ivan Cleary should be atop his shopping list.

Parramatta will continue their search for rock bottom
Parramatta has endured one of the most torturous seasons of off-field embarrassment in the modern era. From systematic cheating in the boardroom, players mixing with the cast of Underbelly, and star signings struggling with more demons than a Dan Brown thriller, the Eels have surely hit rock bottom. Right?

I have my doubts. In the last seven days alone, Parramatta have received news that club captain Kieran Foran, fresh from his stint in a BrisVegas rehab joint, has been ruled out for the season with a dodgy bicep. On top of that, hulking forward Junior Paulo was granted an early release on his Eels contract, and starred in his debut for the Raiders. And just for kicks, Parramatta was one of the teams named in the match-fixing allegations which recently rocked the NRL. And that was just last week.

With hopes of finals football fading faster than Bernard Tomic’s credibility, I predict that the hapless Eels have another bombshell or two left in them. And sadly it could come from any number of directions.

Will Corey Norman’s impending court case and concurrent contract negotiations turn sour?

Or will the NRL find further damning evidence of cheating lying around Pirtek stadium?

Or perhaps Brad Arthur will finally reach snapping point and run back to the warm embrace of the Northern Beaches?

Further controversy just seems inevitable. I think the best way to sum up Parramatta’s plight is through a Simpsons quote:

Otto: How are we going to get out of here?
Homer: We’ll dig out way out!
Chief Wiggum: No, no dig up stupid!