It must be that time of year again. Melbourne are operating with such nasty regimentation that even 7-Eleven and the Soviet Army are offended by their strict working conditions.
I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m prepared to label the Storm as really well-drilled, solidly structured, and any other generalisations that remind you of wearing tan slacks at a risk analysis seminar.
Yep, like death, taxes and Telstra outages, Craig Bellamy’s men are in their usual methodical groove, cutting through the competition’s loose threads like a combine harvester on cruise control.
In an unlikely tick for the concept of totalitarianism, the short-tempered supercoach is again successfully terrifying his men in to a tightly organised unit that wouldn’t dare jeopardise his plans for world domination.
But what is the vital active ingredient in Bellamy’s secret recipe?
It’s a fairly simple and effective method that taps in to the modern footballer’s greatest natural instinct. He encourages them not to think.
Firstly, Bellamy extracts individuality, throws it on the ground and stamps on it, and then replaces it with directions and an ankle monitor.
Then he tunes his charges in to a detailed gameplan so finely rehearsed that their sets can be found on Google Maps, thus resulting in a style of footy that’s as boring as listening to your mate talk about his Supercoach side.
But despite it being predictable, heck it’s reliable. Make no mistake – while you’re sleeping, they are killing it.
No more in recent weeks has the Storm starkly exposed their modus operandi.
Their defence has been stingy, their points have come through pressure, and it’s all been done with such a fastidious level of tidiness that I expected the universe to straighten up Cameron Smith’s diagonal follow-through last weekend by tilting on its axis.
But despite their elaborate matrix of defence, spine, proletarian forwards and Fijian wingers boosting them to the top of the NRL table, nobody is cowering in fear of a po-faced march to stealing the premiership away from it’s rightful home, that being anywhere but Victoria.
Why? Because structures devoid of imagination may take you to the top four, but they won’t take you much further.
Sure, with Cam Smith and Cooper Cronk bringing game management the likes only seen in tough financial times at Manly, right now the Storm are churning through the usual disorganised infantries found in the first half of the season.
As a result, they appear impregnable, like most of their recent years of consistency where they’ve won diddly.
But when opposition teams begin to produce paranormal activity as they approach home, it’s been proven that Bellamy’s style doesn’t stand up much further past the preliminary final stage. And despite all of my slumbering through their workmanlike performances, I’m not seeing anything to convince us this year will be any different.
If I were a fortune cookie, I’d get deep and say the Storm’s greatest strength is also their greatest weakness. They throw effective-yet-predictable daggers that can look like cupcakes come September. Plus they tend to start bricking it when they fall behind, and as a result, they chase points like a mannequin.
So as insistent, consistent and persistent as the Storm are, I’ll put them down for another overachieving final four appearance this year. Yep, I can hear the champagne popping in the south as we speak.
In saying this, despite me casting aspersions on his ability by effectively labelling his side as boring also-rans, I believe Bellamy should be enshrined at Melbourne. I think a fountain would be quite the fitting honour.
The foundations of that organisation are built on his blood, sweat and anger issues. He transforms average players in to bloody-minded troopers, and he’s still got his side humming in 2016 despite the absence of Billy Slater.
His mogul-like methods that have him teetering on cardiac arrest each week are an ornament to the game.
Let’s be honest; the place will probably crater when he leaves.
And there’s no better compliment than that.
Joe
Roar Rookie
@Greg - Andrew Johns on last Sundays footy show rated the best coaches in the NRL he has worked with and listed Bellamy number one because of his technical ability and managing players. You can look that up if you don't believe me. I think we'll just have to agree to disagree on this but I do know that every rugby league commentator, player, coach who has spoken about Bellamy has said he is one of the best if not the best coach in the game. That's a whole lot of people who have spent more time in and around the game then either of us so I'm happy to take their opinion over yours.
Greg
Guest
Dan - that further strengthens my argument that Bellamy is not a great coach. Great coaches can adapt to different circumstances and aren't locked into a particular 'style'. You're basically saying that if the local A grade team has a Grand Final on the weekend, their coach gets food poisoning and all the NRL coaches put their hand up to step in that Bellamy should be last picked to do the job because of his 'style'. Thats not a great coach. Scott - your points 1 and 2 are traits of a good coach. Part of a coaches role is to select the team and create a happy environment which Bellamy obviously failed at. It wasn't that Bellamy lost Origin, it was HOW he lost. We never stood a chance with his selections and tactics, the same as the Country Origin team when he was in charge of them where he has a 33% success rate.
Dan
Guest
Same argument was levelled at Eric Spoelstra coaching Bosh, James and Wade at Miami Heat. In both instances, it's a poor argument.
ScottWoodward.me
Roar Guru
Dan, A great coach is not what is required in Origin. in my view the 2 most important aspects are: 1. Get the selections correct 2. Provide a happy environment. To be successful, you must get both right. In regard to Qland, the team selected themselves and all Mal had to do was ensure they remain healthy and happy.
Dan
Guest
@Greg. As has been discussed here and elsewhere, Bellamy's coaching style not suited to Origin—not enough time to remove poor work ethics/bad habits out of players to mould a unit he's happy with. If they had give him a long term plan opportunity as QLD did with Mal (bring younger players into Origin development camps, run camps at end of year and start of year with a 30-man squad), there may have been some better results. And while Johns was never coached by Bellamy, he spent a couple of years working with him as Assistant Coach for NSW, as well as taking on a halves coaching role at Melbourne for many years.
Dan
Guest
@Greg - would that be the same 28-0 game won without Cameron Smith?
Greg
Guest
The Broncos do have a good record during Origin, last year they actually went unbeaten throughout the whole series, in 2014 they went 3-2......Bellamy a man manager? Haha now I've heard it all, if Bellamy was a man manager then why is he the worst NSW coach in the history of the NRL with a 22% winning %? Graham Murray, Ricky Stuart, and Laurie Daley have been the other NSW coaches over the past 10 years of QLD dominance and all have better records than Bellamy who won a grand total of 2 games in 3 years. As far as Johns goes, I think you're making that one up because Johns was never coached by Bellamy in a single game. Bellamy's career is summed up by failing at Origin and being in charge of a team over the cap for half of his career. Cooper Cronk and Cam Smith lived 10 mins away from each other in QLD, they were dominating football games together for Brisbane Norths long before Bellamy coached them, Bellamy just got lucky that the Storm recruited them and he knows it which is why he will retire as soon as Cam Smith does.
Joe
Roar Rookie
The Broncos actually do not have a good record during Origin. They also do not lose 3/4 of their spine. Every rugby league commentator is unanimous in regarding Bellamy as a coaching great and Andrew Johns rated him as the best coach as he was both technical and a man manager. Smith himself credits his career to Bellamy.
Greg
Guest
I don't know what year you're thinking of, but in 2008 the Storm were in red hot form and flogged the Sharks 28-0 in the GF qualifier, a week later with Smith missing they were belted by 40-0. The fact is that Smith has made Bellamy seem like a mastercoach just as he made Mal Meninga look like a mastercoach, he's a lock for an immortal and has success no matter who he plays under. Considering Bellamy has been head coach of a team that was over the cap in his first two years as coach in 2003 and 2004, then again from 2006 - 2010, Bellamys statistics have been unfairly inflated by being in charge of a team that has cheated for literally half (7 seasons out of 14) of his career.
Richard Maybury
Guest
It was also true that Melbourne had had a very tough run upto that GF particularly the semi the week before against the Broncos. That team was dead on its feet half way through the first half so while Cam was missed, I doubt that he would have changed the result much.
Dan
Guest
Are you seriously suggesting Cameron Smith would have been the difference in a match lost 40-0? Manly were on fire that day.
Greg
Guest
Bellamy is responsible for the biggest GF loss in over 100 years of Rugby League, because he didn't have Cam Smith in his team. The Broncos have a good decent record while Origin is on and they supply a lot more players than Melbourne.
RICK 88
Guest
Well Dane your expert predictions are good for a laugh, my prediction is they will make the top 4 after that its anybodies guess,
Joe
Roar Rookie
That statistic is misleading as most of those games would be Origin games where he would also be missing Cronk and Slater and earlier on would be missing the likes of Inglis, Folau, Hoffman, Matt King, Brett White, Dallas Johnson, Croker, Turner, Nielson, Chambers, along with the Big 3. Take key players out of any team let alone that many you'd be struggling to win any game.
Greg
Guest
Bellamy is the only coach in history dumb enough to name his captain on the bench, he also picked Mitchell Pearce for his debut Origin as well as his Storm favourites Steve Turner and Anthony Quinn....no wonder he has been the only NSW coach to lose 3-0 in the past 20 years
Greg
Guest
Bellamy is a fraud, he has a 24% win percentage without Cam Smith in his team
Ken
Guest
Point taken Richard but the Storm are an extreme example. In my view Smith is an extremely rare player whose contributions provide a huge opportunity boost to the players around him. His individual highlight reel will be downright boring compared to most other greats but his value to a team is possibly greater than any of them. Melbourne being able to pair him with Slater, who some have described as the best fullback ever, and Cronk is an incredible luxury. 3/4 of the first choice Australian spine has been playing in that team for more than a decade. I'm not disagreeing that journeymen & youngsters have tended to thrive there. I also agree that if Bellamy wasn't a good coach they wouldn't have maintained consistency over that time. I was only noting that it's difficult to know how much credit to give Bellamy and how much to give the core players, especially Smith. Richard: You tread on fine ground with the salary cap comments. I don't really want to go there except to note that the top-heavy nature of the Melbourne team now is probably rooted in their issues of the past. For better or worse it does make them a differently balanced side than other teams in the comp.
ScottWoodward.me
Roar Guru
Ken Note that Bellamy has NEVER gone to market and recruited a gun NRL player in peak form. No other coach can say that. Everyone of the champions has been nurtured through by him and the Storm system.
Chris Wright
Guest
Why would you not have Foxtel?
Alex L
Roar Rookie
Bellamy coaching NSW was like the professor in Frankstein leading a charge of poorly armed villagers against the monster he created...