Thousands of rugby supporters revelled in the news that the Wallabies’ Spring Tour would be broadcast on SBS, but not all Australians welcomed the news.
51-year-old bachelor, Garth Stephens, was crushed that he wasn’t able to view SBS’ usual titillating catalogue of continental European erotica, expressing both his anger and dismay at the decision to The Roar.
“This is, and I don’t think I’m overstating things here, the greatest injustice since The Dismissal.
“As an Australian taxpayer, I’m legally entitled to two-to-three hours a week of morally questionable, soft-core porn after Anton Enus’ done telling me about the political crisis in Mozambique.
“Have a look, it’s in the bloody charter!*”
Stephens, who still uses a Nokia 3315 and lacks the technological know-how to access internet pornography, routinely indulges in scandalous programs like Erotic Ghost Story, Killer Condom and Frisky Felicity.
“Replacing exotic foreign films with the national rugby team? That’s about as unAustralian as it gets!”
He went on to show us with great pride how he painstakingly compiled an exhaustive list with the exact time-stamps of “nip-slips” and “butt-shots” in his favourite Hollywood movies.
“My all time favourite’s Naomi Watts. Mulholland Drive. 53 minutes, 20 seconds,” he informs us, completely unprompted.
*The Roar has since read the SBS Charter in its entirety, and is yet to find any clause mandating a quota of sexual content following SBS World News.
Alex L
Roar Rookie
Because we want the Kiwis to leave, one suspects.
Ken Catchpole's Other Leg
Guest
My point exactly Jacko. Why arent kiwi and sa and french and english (and the other 120 nationalities that play rugby) immigrants being catered for?
Jacko
Guest
Cater for Immigrants? Why wasnt the ABs games on SBS then? lol
Uncle Eric
Guest
Rugby the international game. Played with two hookers, forty minutes each way (apologies to NZ).
HardcorePrawn
Roar Guru
Indeed. Compare how good SBS's coverage and analysis of the football World Cup is against the dross that Nine/Gem served up for the past two rugby World Cups. SBS gave us every game live, their own presenters and commentators, and plenty of pre & post match analysis; Nine gave us selected matches, often from a NZ or UK feed, and no analysis unless the matches involved Australia. It was amateurish. I don't even recall seeing any results in Nine's sport coverage at the time. If SBS can get more rights to broadcast rugby, the better.
Joe
Roar Rookie
This is hilarious...well done! : )
Bruce
Guest
I will miss the 0-0 stalemates broken by the inevitable dive as if shot in the penalty area. The French could do something with this...
Bruce
Guest
Hear Hear
In brief
Guest
How did you get my photo?
Ken Cathpole's Other Leg
Guest
Dear World in Union and Adrian Denyer, you are missing the point. What is the charter of SBS? Is it to cater to the cultural taste of minorities? Or immigrants? If it is immigrants there are plenty of sports that deserve coverage beyond soccer. Im not talking about banning soccer or even minimalising it. Why cannot the 'other world game' also get an hour or two a week? To serve the charter of the tax-payer-funded SBS? Btw im very grateful for the tour coverage this spring. Thanks Mark Ella.
The Neutral View From Sweden
Roar Guru
This is great. My only problem is that the people sitting a the tables next to me at café I am at right now think I am crazy for laughing by myself.
Wozza
Guest
I've got Mulholland dr. 53 mins 20 secs. I'm there :p
Cugel
Roar Rookie
I'm sure Gazza will bar up when he sees all those penalty goals and scrums.
Riordan Lee
Editor
Ah man, you've just dug up repressed memories of watching The Full Monty with my parents...
Riordan Lee
Editor
MIght have to wack that on the resume, thanks mate.
Riordan Lee
Editor
This might be the greatest comment I've ever read.
AKAJorrieKruger
Roar Rookie
Honestly I loved the SBS coverage of previous soccer world cups. They had a such a good bunch of guys together, very witty and knowledgeable, unfortunately same can't be said for The Rugby Club or whatever they call Fox's rugby shows these days.
AKAJorrieKruger
Roar Rookie
I think you can see it in-flight on Qantas too!
HardcorePrawn
Roar Guru
The full monty? Robert Carlyle dancing to Hot Chocolate and Donna Summer? I'm pretty sure one of the commercial networks shows that film every few weeks...
Loosehead
Guest
The only problem I can see with the game being shown on SBS is the entire broadcast wil focus on a single blade of grass while a angst ridden Frenchman proclaims the futility of life while Edith Piaff sings quietly in the background.