While it is impossible to predict if one day we will accurately be able to predict the future, one thing is for certain: it was much harder to predict the present in the past.
Armed with this robust sense of circular logic, a Colecovision game cartridge, and a robust sense of circular logic, I make the following guesstafacts about the path for Australian rugby in 2017.
1. It is not too soon to sack the next new Wallaby coach
With Michael Cheika not having won a game now for months, his removal appears inevitable to most fair-minded observers.
But with his yet-to-be named replacement stranded 17 victories shy of even Cheika’s paltry record, the question must be asked – who should be chosen to replace Cheika’s successor?
While potentially a contentious issue, I am confident that the ARU and Australian public will approach this tough decision with the cool pragmatism for which we are renowned.
2. For the Wallabies to be successful, all five franchises need to win the Australian conference, and at least three must win the tournament
The last few seasons have been erratic for Australia, with our Super Rugby teams spread widely throughout the table – some high, some low, and others in the middle.
The time has come to end this inconsistency and for each franchise to prove its worth by hoisting the cup in 2017. And if some of the new international franchises could join us at the top of table, perhaps with several New Zealand and South African teams, then that would have our Northern Hemisphere rivals running scared and be good for world rugby as a whole.
3. The new high tackle laws will lead to the demise of rugby this year
Despite it being statistically far more likely to be eaten by a shark while swimming in the ocean than while playing rugby, pasty faced bureaucrats and speccy doctors insist on introducing this maddening rule.
It is one thing to watch the game from the comfort of their ivory towers, but how many of them can honestly claim the real-world experience of sitting in front of The Roar night after night, commenting endlessly on rugby blogs?
Theory never beats practice when it comes to sporting pursuits, and it’s time to leave the tough decisions to the Experts, Gurus and Pros. Like obtaining a Masters Degree or playing second XV for a Central Coast boys school back in the early 90s, these Roar labels are hard earned.
4. NSW and Queensland fans will go back to supporting each other through constructive, mutually positive dialogue
A fan-centric Australian rugby site is no place for reflexive, team-based antagonism. It is well known that prior to 2014, the two states were standard bearers of collegial good will, a symbiotic red-and-blue rainbow showering mutual love and harmony across the country like Tinkerbell’s farts.
Somewhere along the way though, we become less Peter Pan and more Kramer versus Kramer.
Never has society seen such regressive binary opposition – apart perhaps from cola-themed soft drink multinationals, world wars, every soccer team, Apple versus PC, US and Canadian hockey, Holden versus Ford, Trump versus the media, Team Edward versus Team Jacob, religion versus science, religion versus other religions, and all partisan politics ever.
My prediction is that, after the Reds win Super Rugby in 2017, Waratahs supporters will be genuinely pleased for their brethren, doff their tweed caps, and remain in respectful silence during the muted and dignified celebrations that will inevitably follow.
So, irrespective of how this journey unfolds over the coming year, let us link arms and sincerely appreciate the camaraderie of being on it together.
And if you don’t stop hitting your sister, I swear to god I will pull this car over and you will get out and walk!
Lano
Roar Guru
Hilariousl grapeseed, you are truely two, possibly five standard deviations from the norm.
Rebellion
Guest
I think that's pretty poor form blaming the ref during the Irish match. The only match which stands out was the one Poite bungled during the RC. That guy runs on ego first and common sense last. As for Cheika, the reason he has to go is he can't shake his Waratah bias and is even unapologetic for it. Phipps, Mumm, Skelton??? When are you going to stop burying your head in the sand over this????
taylorman
Roar Guru
Therein lies the most logical explanation I've heard so far?
taylorman
Roar Guru
Perhaps, though pity they didn't recognise that quality in Oz where they,..gulp...sacked him.
grapeseed
Guest
A court case in March will reveal that Patrick Effeney was sacked from the Roar for journalistic overreach. He planted a listening device in the All Blacks team room last year in a bid to get that big scoop. Di Patston is replacing him as the Roar's managing Editor.
grapeseed
Guest
Sheesh, if you guys would only read the article, you would see that I'm not advocating sacking Cheika - I'm talking about sacking Cheika's replacement. The guy literally hasn't won a single game yet. While Rod McQueen was in a similarly vulnerable position back in 1995, two years prior to taking up his appointment, that was a different era where we had more time and patience to allow strong foundations to be built. I demand at least three more Wallaby victories by April, otherwise I am going to the NRL.
mzilikazi
Guest
You are dead right, IB........what rubbish to even think of sacking Cheika. The guy is a bit eccentic, but is a very good coach, with a strong track record prior to coming to the Wallabies. "On the recent tour of Europe there were long durations in each match when they literally ripped the opposition to pieces" A very accurate assessment, in my view. And the score does not always truly reflect the pattern of many games. In my view this is the most talented and powerful group of players Australia has had in 20 years...and with correct management should be at least in the top 3 in the world, and capable of getting to No 1 in time....far better chance than England, I would say. So, please don't sack the one Australian coach who can go forward and produce a very successful side. I do accept he has flaws, but he is way better than Eddie Jones, and Robbie Deans.
aussikiwi
Guest
Ok no more known unknowns, could you please tell us what the unknown unknowns for the season are?
Redsfan1
Guest
Dead right In Brief.
Redsfan1
Guest
Well there is an Aussie coach in the Northern hemisphere who had been beating three (now two minus Gatland) Kiwi coaches so it's not all bad. Quality over quantity.
Republican
Guest
.........the top end aren't in the mix despite the NT's per capita support being the highest in the country. The population is simply too sparse and light on. Tassie should be next cab off the rank because they had been promised a team by the AFL but of course, the AFL are not adverse to breaking promises. Tassie also boasts a pedigree and DNA for the game that deserves to be rewarded to my mind. Canberra should also be a realistic option while there is much ignorance and prejudice throughout this country in regard to the games significant history and status here that is born out by those of influence within the AFL sadly. AFL -Westfarmers group, are more likely to parachute a plastic entity into a philistine unmeritorious demography like NZ, to build on their tele empire, rather than realise a powerful symbology to having a presence at this elite tier for the code, in its National Capital.
Republican
Guest
......read today that one option being considered is to rebrand the Brumbies, the Melbourne Brumbies........?
Zero Gain
Guest
*12 Aussie teams.
Zero Gain
Guest
Should be 12 Aussie conferences and we should play a season long Australian NRU. Then our winning team can challenge the Kiwi or Safa winner of the Super Rugby championship at end of season for the southern hemisphere 'World title'. Benefits: Little Kiwi interest in our rugby blog until we beat them at year end; Giving the Australian fans what they want; Using a model based on the most successful sporting competitions in the World, I.e. Local matches with all local teams. By the way, nice article grapeseed, gave me a smile on a Saturday morning.
Browny
Guest
I think it'll be a while before the AFL adds any more clubs. The focus will be on lifting the current established clubs at the bottom of the ladder back up. The expansion clubs had first access to the draft pool before the draft, as a result the majority of the young talent went through the two new clubs rather than being distributed with a focus on bottom of the ladder teams. Some of the recent #1 draft picks are really the #20 pick and teams like Brisbane are seriously struggling. And there's a bit of an imbalance. Geelong's last top-10 pick was Joel Selwood in 2006 and they're finding it hard to get top end youth talent through now. GWS and GCS probably have 30 each on their lists, and that's after offloading a heap to other clubs in the last couple of years. Hell, Carlton has picked up 9 of them from GWS including 6 from the top 12 plus some academy/rookie/preseason players GWS had access too. The AFL will want to level the playing field a bit before the expand again, and Tasmania is probably more of a preference than Canberra. Not sure where Darwin or even Cairns fit into the mix.
bigbaz
Roar Guru
Just took the time to read it grapeseed, loved it. But when the Reds win it this year it will be the war of the roses in 2018!
moaman
Guest
You will doubtless need to go overseas to find those coaches. Nice read Grape.
Alex Wood
Roar Guru
Awesome to have you back grapeseed, I always look out for your articles. Very enjoyable, thanks.
Crash Ball2
Guest
Woooooosh...
ScottD
Guest
Thanks Grapeseed, good to see us having a laugh at ourselves. We could with a few more articles like yours.