REPORTS: Matt Renshaw latest victim of local vendor's "mild" beef vindaloo

10th March, 2017

Young Australian opening batsman Matthew Renshaw has retired hurt from his side’s first innings after reportedly falling victim to the local Indian cuisine.

The 20-year-old learned a harsh lesson about subcontinental spice-levels when he made the mistake of ordering a mild beef vindaloo.

“Mate I don’t know what their definition of mild is, but that was more painful than listening to Watto’s acoustic covers of Oasis songs,” he told The Roar.

“I knew I was in trouble after the first couple of bites but I powered through because I didn’t want them to think I was soft.

“I’m always getting roasted in the group chat, saying like I haven’t got pubes yet and stuff – which is crap cos I like totally do!

“Even Smithy gets lippy and he deadset looks like an infant.”

It seems as though the young batsman has only himself to blame though, after former players repeatedly warned him about the Pune cuisine.

“I told him, mate: if you get the vindaloo, you’ll be in da loo,” Shane Warne told The Roar

“But he didn’t listen – baked beans for breakfast, always.

“I made the same mistake in 2004, and gee whiz, I’ll spare you the details but let me just say that room 807 has never been the same again.”

The problem seems to be a recurring one for touring parties, regardless of the continent.

Rahul Dravid told The Roar that ‘The Wall’ was brought crumbling down after he tried a local Australian delicacy, the Chiko Roll.

“There are millions living below the poverty line in India, but I would never, ever subject anyone of them to that monstrosity.

“Selling that is basically a hate crime.”

There’s no word yet on Renshaw’s condition, but captain Steve Smith will be praying for a speedy recovery after telling the press that he was a “crucial cog” in the team’s quest to lose the first Test by less than an innings.

The Crowd Says:

2017-02-25T00:13:57+00:00

Sava

Guest

The Old Bombay Belly Trick Aye,Only Shane Warne knew what to do in India,he ate Baked Beans out of the can ,thus avoiding the Bombay Belly .What is going on with the gear the Aussies are wearing off the ground ?Its the same Colour as the Indians gear Blue. Cant the gear providers come up with Green and Gold,that is the Aussies national colours.Off the field you do not know if its some one from India,Sly Lanka ,or Australia that are being interviewed all wearing the same colours. Sava

2017-02-24T03:42:52+00:00

Claude Bottom

Guest

IPL is not real cricket Vikram.

2017-02-24T02:39:26+00:00

vikram

Guest

haha when the players play IPL ........ We dont read these type of words ...do we?

2017-02-23T21:54:25+00:00

Bob

Guest

Great read!