City vs Country set for fitting finale

A special week of celebrations are set to precede the final City versus Country match, with mass withdrawals and questions of relevance scheduled to honour the game’s traditions.

With the NRL consigning the concept to landfill alongside unlimited interchanges and the Adelaide Rams, officials are desperately scrambling to deliver the send-off it deserves.

As a result, stakeholders have teamed up to work on honouring the fixture’s contemporary roots, with plans now underway to ensure it is treated as an afterthought.

Festivities will launch with a week of condemnation and calf twinges, with the culmination in Mudgee when the cream of the state’s fringe first-graders meet to decide the best ambiguously zoned territory.

In a further nod to the game’s heritage, the match will be billed as a genuine Origin trial and have absolutely no bearing on selection whatsoever.

A crowd of around 6000 victimised country folk are tipped to attend the burial of country rugby league, with many Mudgee locals said to be ‘buzzing’ at the honour of being the final region given the finger by the establishment.

Bulldogs coach Des Hasler – a staunch advocate for the fixture’s traditions – is heading the organising committee by instructing every player, relative and pet he knows to make themselves unavailable.

In an extraordinary display of respect, his players have already been withdrawn citing the truth.

Those remaining will pay homage by customarily pulling out under the military instruction of General Soreness and Major Apathy.

Organisers are hopeful this will be advised shortly after being named, within seconds of their first interview touting the ‘unbearable honour’ of selection, or on the week’s especially convened ‘Walk Out Wednesday’.

Country players will also play their role in honouring the concept, promising to deliver a week-long passion-based narrative underpinned by an inferiority complex.

This will be complemented with plenty of prestigious ‘pride in the jersey’ talk and vows to ‘stick it up the City Slickers’ from the bush boys, despite most now considering ‘the outback’ to be anywhere west of Drummoyne.

Many pundits have also committed their part in celebrating the fixture by deriding its relevancy at every opportunity.

Other prominent media personalities will discuss doing whatever it takes to assist country footy, provided it doesn’t involve travelling to the country.

The NRL will also use the week to announce plans to maintain City v Country’s legacy to ensure the much-tolerated concept is not forgotten.

These are said to be largely centred around a strategy that will continue masquerading care for the bush.

While unconfirmed, this will be by providing country clubs free autograph sessions with well-known NSW Cup players when convenient corporate opportunities present themselves.