Amidst the recriminations, hand-wringing, blow-ups, hopelessness and Jack Quigley-ness of the past few days, some good news has emerged – I’m heading off to Glastonbury on Wednesday.
Although I know this is cold comfort to basically everyone reading this, it has allowed me to dust off an old favourite ‘gimmick’ style article, whereby the artists playing the festival are matched up to some of the top rugby playing nations based on similar characteristics and standing.
God knows I needed a distraction from the Hindenburg of a weekend Australian rugby has just endured.
Radiohead – New Zealand
Both are shape-shifting and progressive, always setting the bar higher and then exceeding it, while remaining popular and respected throughout the world.
The infamous 2004 South African drinking session was the All Blacks’ Kid A moment, spurring a root and branch change of their culture and way of thinking, and it began their march to the summit.
Foo Fighters – Wales
Warrenball as music. Foo Fighters’ brand of stodgy dad-rock is the perfect soundtrack to Jamie Roberts putting the ball up the jumper and crashing into defenders, Alex Cuthbert missing tackles or the perpetual Webb and Biggar sketch of complaining to the ref ad nauseam.
Always good for a lead single (the England match every year) and then a wildly inconsistent album with some absolute stinkers on it (playing Southern Hemisphere teams).
Ed Sheeran – Australia
I’ll keep this short and sweet – weak, spineless, wet blanket, no balls, no attitude. And then there’s the Wallabies…
Liam Gallagher – England
Massive name who is always divisive. A perceived arrogance means people love to celebrate their failings and shortfalls, yet they have regularly shown they can dust themselves off and come back with a vengeance. Both appear reborn in the past year after lean years from 2013-2015, with Liam’s new girlfriend playing the role of Eddie Jones in turning things around. New single ‘Wall of Glass’ and new players blooded on the Argentina tour signal a promising future.
The xx – Ireland
Cool, understated image moulded by their respective ringleaders (Jamie xx and Joe Schmidt), both have been exceedingly consistent over the past five years, with a steady stream of fantastic songs (back-to-back Six Nations titles), followed by a knockout album in the past year (I See You and the Chicago victory over the All Blacks). Potential future headliners.
Royal Blood – Scotland
Slinked into everyone’s consciousness back in 2014 with their self-titled debut album, coinciding with the appointment of Vern Cotter as Scottish coach. Not spectacular, but raw and punishing with some very nice flourishes (Stuart Hogg, Finn Russell, ‘Figure It Out’), and appear to have gone to another level with new album How Did We Get So Dark and new coach Gregor Townsend. You might have heard that they played Australia on the weekend?
Major Lazer – Argentina
Eclectic party starters (or finishers) who constantly surprise. 2015’s ‘Light It Up’ and World Cup quarter-final victory over Ireland added flair to the pop charts and rugby world respectively, and they bring a unique slant to a traditionally staid environment.
Dizzee Rascal – France and South Africa
No one quite knows what they stand for or what they do in 2017, but everyone still has fond memories of their heyday. Never know which one is going to turn up on any given match day/song (and yes, it is a legal requirement to trot this cliché out for every article about French rugby). Uncertain futures.
Shaggy – Italy
Bit of a joke at this stage aren’t they?
With the rundown of the line-up complete, my week’s mission is now to drunkenly find somewhere in a muddy field to watch the Lions Test at 8:30 on Saturday morning. In the meantime, in Jack Quigley we trust.
Winston
Guest
Rhys Bosley
Guest
I liked the French when they were exemplified by "Rage against the Machine" .... when it counted they would tell the coach "F*#& you I won't do what you tell me" and beat the All Blacks!
mattocks
Guest
If anyone is The All Blacks of music it's Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Capable of great subtlety and great power, all in the space of a single note. Brilliant individual musicians and even better as an ensemble. And continually evolving, looking at ways to push the boundaries. Just like the All Blacks, I've never seen anybody play better live. And I saw Einsturzende Neubaten on the weekend in Hobart. If they were a rugby team they'd scare the pants off anyone.
mattocks
Guest
thats classic.
Jacko
Guest
Australia is the cockroaches....Used to be rock and roll but are now playing kids songs
piru
Roar Rookie
Neutral I've actually been planning to get back into it. A good mate (and far more accomplished musician than I) uses a mac program who's name I can't remember but he produces some great stuff. I will have to wait till the young one is a bit bigger I think, but if I ever get any spare time again... And U2 is perfect - or INXS, was big in the 80s but lost a key player(s) and now can't recreate the magic
The Neutral View From Sweden
Roar Guru
Fionn, your description of Wallabies as U2 is gold. I buy it 100 %. piru, Siamese Dreams by Smashing Pumpkins is another album that is right up there with the best albums ever. Magic stuff that has stand the test of time. These days it is so easy to record music. I can hardly play any instrument, but with all the cheap technology today, it is so easy to record and produce music that sounds alright even for a beginner.
Fionn
Guest
There's not many bands I like these days, but OKC was incredible. Ditto, not a great fan of Bob Dylan, but at least his music was unique even if not my exact cup of tea. Presuming they're not in the Glastonbury lineup, but for purposes of accuracy I think the Aussies as U2, were once *all that*, had three great periods in the late 80s, early 90s and late 90s, had a last hurrah in the early/mid 2000s, and have been struggling ever since, and still think they are the top of the world.
piru
Roar Rookie
I was a sullen teen at the height of grunge so will probably always have a spot for the 90s screamy bands, but I was more into the more traditional rock stuff like Pearl Jam and the Pumpkins than the 'proper' grunge bands. I still play guitar and bass, and dabble with the drums, but haven't recorded anything in years .
The Neutral View From Sweden
Roar Guru
I am calm mate. I know you were not having a go at me. Totally hear you about there are albums were the sum is more than it's parts. My perfect example is Loveless by My Bloody Valentine. To this day it is hard for me to listen to only one song from that album (with the exception of Sometimes), I have to listen to it from beginning to end. Even after 25+ years that album sounds absolute amazing. Getting curious about you own music now, you still play and record? I do a little bit of music myself - started about two years ago after twenty years as a DJ - but as an 45 year old expat in Asia, I don't expect fame and fortune ;)
Dr Katz
Guest
I knew there was a reason I couldn't stand Ed Sherran. You've just added to it!
piru
Roar Rookie
Calm your farm mate, I wasn't having a go. I don't particularly find most of their stuff since OKC all that listenable myself, but that's kind of the point - they are one of the few bands who have reached a point where they can truly explore what they want to do, and not be constrained by having to do what sells. I got hold of OKC before it really started being played, having been tipped off by a band mate that it was something special, and on first listen I didn't really like it, either. The only song that really grabbed me initially was Karma Police, but after a few go throughs I was pretty well hooked (remember when we used to listen to albums, not just singles!) OKC is a perfect example of an album that's more than the sum of it's parts.
The Neutral View From Sweden
Roar Guru
I never said that Radiohead cares about mu opinion, but I am happy that you care enough to comment ;) And for the record, I care about your opinions piru, both on rugby and other stuff (like this). OK Computer... I lived in Barcelona when that album came out and exactly all my Catalan friends adored the album. I was the loneliest man in the world when I tried to explain what my opinion was. Even in a perfect setting in a grand beach villa surrounded by gorgeous girls, smart and funny boys and best Moroccan smoke ever made, it sounded terrible to me. But I was wrong about one detail, Radiohead has indeed made one good song after The Bends. Their cover of Joy Division/New Order's Ceremony. They nail it to perfection and beat both original versions.
The Neutral View From Sweden
Roar Guru
LOL! Considering how many members the Stones has had over the years, I think it is pretty fitting.
piru
Roar Rookie
Neutral the thing about Radiohead is they no longer care what others think - and OK Computer was amazing.
piru
Roar Rookie
The Lions as a supposed 'Super Group' have to be The Travelling Wilburies don't they? Choc full of big names but never quite as good as they were individually
The Neutral View From Sweden
Roar Guru
Very entertaining read. thanks for that. But you forgot the Lions. What band are they? Maybe the Rolling Stones? At their peak in the early 70's, but to this day, when the Stones feels like playing they are still one of the best live acts in the world. I am well aware that many people - with knowledge and taste I respect - holds Radiohead as a great band. But for me, they are pretentious wannabe jazz musicians who have not written any decent songs since The Bends. I would probably say that Depeche Mode is the All Blacks of music (any band who makes a brilliant album called Black Celebration must have a strong case).
Crazy Horse
Roar Pro
http://www.greenandgoldrugby.com/who-do-you-think-you-are-kidding-mr-clyne-if-you-think-we-cant-do-sums/ Yes, not only do we have some very good lawyers in WA ( we have 4 university law schools) but we’ve got some of the country’s best accountants. Someone is getting rich and it’s not anyone in WA. Rugby. Time for some answers Bill & Co.